Born that way
by Noy Telin'u
Summary: AU: Ranma is born cursed a la Taro and causes trouble for Genma, who keeps it a secret from Soun Tendo. Nodoka loves her child regardless and treats Ranma as both. A unique fic showing Ranma growing up and living a life as both male and female under Genma, who just wants Ranma to be his son and convinced Nodoka to let him train Ranma. Being dual gendered can be tough, can't it?
1. Introductory Arc Prologue

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** the following may be disturbing to some readers. But then, if it is, it was stupid to read a _Ranma ½_ fanfic in the first place. Idiots.

**Caution:** screwing the canon ahead, since it's an AU.

You have been warned…

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**Prologue… Dual him!**

In a simple home in northern Tokyo, a redheaded mother was due to give birth any day now.

Her husband, as all husbands do at this time… was panicking.

However, unlike most, his panic was not due to his wife's closeness to giving birth; no, his panic was due to his master returning soon to continue his training.

Not that he needed much more (in his mind), and he and his partner in training, Soun Tendo, were going to celebrate with their master in the form of a party so they could trick him and lock him away soon… if only Nodoka could hold the baby for another three days.

Of course, he couldn't say that aloud. He wasn't suicidal.

Unfortunately, as he looked out the window, he saw _him_, the evil little creature that was his master.

Not wanting to anger him or allow him to find out that he was going to be a father, Genma apologized and left in a flash.

Nodoka knew why he left, as disappointed as she was.

Luckily for Genma and Soun, they were able to celebrate and get Master Happosai drunk and sealed him in a cave with explosives.

It was while leaping for joy that Genma noticed a cask of water that Happosai had brought with him.

The only marking was on it was the phrase "blessed water" and after much debate, Soun suggested that Genma use it to bless his child that was going to be born soon.

Suddenly remembering his wife's pending delivery, Genma raced home with the water to bless his son. (He was confident that it would be a boy.)

Fortune was with him that day and he got home just before Nodoka's water broke.

No time to get anywhere, Nodoka bore her first child right at home.

However, before finding out the baby's sex, Genma washed the child in the "blessed water" that he liberated from his master.

Mysteriously, after being submerged and cleansed with the water, all the blood and gunk that hid many features disappeared and the child was revealed to have sharp red hair.

Being a bit hasty, they didn't notice much before cleaning the newborn; the only thing they observed was that the baby was amazingly clean after being washed off. That and it was a girl.

Obviously, given his hopes and dreams, Genma was distraught at the discovery that he had a daughter and not a son.

Nodoka, however, was joyous before falling asleep from exhaustion with her new daughter in her arms.

The next hours were filled with stress as Genma struggled on what to tell his friend Soun, since they vowed to have their children marry each other and Soun had two, soon to be three, girls. Soun had stupidly (according to Genma) told their master that he was going to have a third daughter, to be named "Akane," in a week or so.

Unlike Genma, Soun used modern methods to find out his children's sex before they were born and therefore knew that his third child was another girl.

This, of course, gave the duo only girls.

Genma sighed in disappointment and just decided to have another child in about a year.

Deciding to tell his friend after Nodoka felt better and he could therefore visit in person, Genma finally started to think about what to do with a daughter.

'Look at the pros… um… hmm… wait… I can marry my new daughter off to a rich man! While not as beneficial to me, I'm sure that I can get something out of it once I show that Nodoka's family creates beautiful wives. Just look at her!' Genma smiled as a tear fell down his face. 'Oh, how lucky a man I am!'

He walked back into the bedroom and saw Nodoka asleep with their new daughter.

Since they weren't expecting one, they still didn't name her yet.

Genma watched them sleep, smiling at how they looked.

It didn't last long as the child cried.

Nodoka stirred awake at the noise.

"Genma…" She said weakly, still tired. "Our daughter needs a bath." Nodoka was too proper to mention why she needed a bath…

Genma hesitantly took his newborn daughter to the sink to change her cloth diaper and give her a bath.

'Crying like a girl, of course,' Genma thought sadly.

The five-hour-old stopped crying once she was washed in the warm water from the sink.

But then, she wasn't a daughter at the moment.

Genma was holding a son instead of a daughter, a son that Genma had. A black-haired boy was where the redheaded girl used to be.

In shock, Genma blinked and rubbed his glasses.

Yep, staring up at him oddly was a boy, a son.

"I HAVE A SON! OH, JOYOUS DAY!" Genma couldn't help but yell to the heavens as they answered his prayer.

Of course, the yelling caused the boy to cry.

Genma didn't care though. He was too ecstatic.

"What is going on over there?" Nodoka asked, now fully awake.

"We have a son, Nodoka!" Genma came into the bedroom, showing Nodoka.

**"WHAT?"** she screamed.

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That day, after countless screams and unexplainable happenings, as well as much crying and cold and hot water splashing, the two new parents came to a conclusion…

They had a unique baby.

Their child changed sexes with water of different temperatures. Who else could say that?

Due to their individual desires, however, Genma viewed it as a curse while Nodoka saw it as a gift from above.

Genma eventually called his friend and announced they had a son now.

Because of the nature of their child, they decided to choose two names, one for each sex.

At least, that's what Nodoka planned.

Being Genma, he didn't allow it to happen; so after much arguing they settled on one name, a name worthy of such chaos… Ranma.

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**Author's notes:** Noy said this was created after getting sick and tired of seeing other fics with cursing Ranma early be abandoned. So it was a "What if Ranma was cursed at birth a la taro?" way. Of course since Telinú is crazy, it went like this. Be thankful it was edited this way, originally they went to jusenkyo due to a plane crash and there was a panda and idiots around! Yeah, I know. Anyway, thanks to tuatara and Kris Leena for making my job easier. Read more, cuz I'm the Text!


	2. Y1

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** the internet is crazy and uncharted, don't venture out there alone; take a digital sword or blaster with you at all times.

**Caution:** this is called a chapter. Say it with me… chapter. Funny word… chap… tor… err… er. Err… errrrrrrrrrrr… chapter. This is not the end, peoples!

**Alert!:** childhood of Ranma alert!

You have been warned…

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**Year 1 or I**

"No, Ranko, the icing is for later…" Nodoka smiled at her daughter as she baked a special cake.

"Ooh…" Ranko moaned out, before continuing sucking the spoon with the red icing on it.

Nodoka shook her head with a smile.

Another parent wasn't so happy about it.

"You see? A mother's love will make him weak!" Genma complained. "And his name is _Ranma_! Don't confuse the boy!"

Nodoka sighed. "But I like the name. Come on, Josei, your cake's almost ready!"

Josei tilted her head and continued to eat the icing.

Genma grunted and left the room in anger.

"You are a year old now, aren't you, Josei? Now you can spread the icing on the cake." Nodoka placed it in front of her daughter.

*smack*

Josei smacked it with the spoon.

"Tada!" Josei threw her arms into the air.

"Very good, but you need to spread it around… like this. Can you do that?" Nodoka demonstrated the proper frosting-spreading technique.

"This!" Josei spread the icing around the cake, making it messy; but it worked… sort of.

"There you go!" Nodoka clapped in excitement. "Now, run along to your father. He wants to do stuff with you."

Nodoka poured a cup of warm water over her daughter's head.

"Owekay, Moma…" Ranma was lowered down to the floor before toddling away towards his father.

"They grow up so fast…" Nodoka sighed as she fixed the cake, putting Ranma's name on it along with a big number 1.

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"Eheh?" Ranma yelped as he tried to copy what his father was showing him.

"Yes, now like this… move this arm there…" Genma muttered as he moved Ranma's arm into place.

"Now… strike!" Genma commanded.

Ranma threw his fist forward as fast as he was able, causing him to tumble to the ground.

"He hea ha heah!" Ranma laughed, sitting on the grass.

Genma sighed and put a hand to his face. 'His copying ability is remarkable, but all that potential will be wasted unless we can train more.' Genma's thoughts grew depressed.

He lifted his son up and stood him in position again.

"Now… like so." Genma demonstrated the punch again.

"So!" Ranma punched the air, only wobbling this time.

"Good, now this!" Genma threw a punch with the other hand.

"This!" Ranma threw the punch, falling flat on his face.

"Haa ha ha ha ha oh ha ha hahaha!" Ranma laughed, face all dirty, lying with his back on the grass.

"No, no, NO! Again!" Genma ordered, straightening his son again.

"Nowe!" Ranma shouted as he punched again, this time without falling over.

"Again!" Genma shouted.

"Gen!" Ranma punched, smile on his face.

"Again!" Genma walked around his son.

"A-gen!" Ranma punched again.

"Again!" Genma ordered.

"Ajen!" Ranma punched, laughing.

"Again!" Genma hid a smile.

"Ajgen!" Ranma punched the imaginary wall.

"A-Gain!" Genma stressed.

"Ajennah!" Ranma slurred his word.

"Good… good," Genma murmured.

"Time to eat, Ranma! The cake is ready to eat!" Nodoka called out from the kitchen.

"Cake!" Ranma jumped for joy, falling over again.

Genma growled at the timing of this.

Trying to toughen his son and steal more time than he should, Genma tried to diminish the promise of cake. "The cake is a lie," Genma smirked.

"Hauh?" Ranma tilted his head before running inside.

Genma pinched his nose, forgetting his son didn't understand most of what he said.

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"Happee Berttth Dahy two ME!" Ranma sung as best he could. "Hah… pee Berthh Day too ME! Ha-pee berwth daHy to ME-ee! Happee berwth Day too ME!"

"That was good, Ranma! Now blow out the candle and make a wish," Nodoka smiled.

"Ahhhhhh! PthhhThhwoo!" Ranma blew. "Yay!"

"Good… now, oops! Ranma, your face doesn't go IN the cake!" Nodoka mildly chided.

"Hee ha ah ha!" Ranma laughed, cake on his face.

"Aww… isn't this wonderful, husband?" Nodoka took a picture.

Genma grunted.

"You made a mess, didn't you, Ranma?" Nodoka cleaned her son's face.

"Mess!" Ranma shouted.

Genma rolled his eyes.

"Here you go… eat up." Nodoka got cake on a plate for Ranma.

"Up!" Ranma yelped.

"Isn't this nice? Our son is one year old!" Nodoka watched Ranma eat with a smile.

"Boy's too soft," Genma complained, muttering.

"Husband, I know that you want our son to be a martial artist… but he needs love too. _Our_ love… that includes mine," Nodoka stressed. "Remember, we have a daughter as well as a son."

"That's the problem," Genma said to himself.

Nodoka shook her head. "It's a blessing… our child will be able to do anything! To live both as male and female, who wouldn't want that? Remember the feudal fairy tale? To be two things is better than being one thing."

"And it's the girl thing that's holding him back!" Genma pounded the table. "Our son is poisoned by the girl in him!"

Nodoka sighed. 'Oh, when will this argument finally end? Poor Ranma doesn't need his father to try and destroy half of him. She needs love too.'

"Rah!" Ranma shouted as he played with the icing.

Genma snarled and poured cold water on Ranma.

"If you're going to act like a girl, be a girl!" Genma yelled as he stormed out.

"Popa?" Ranma tilted her head in confusion.

Nodoka sighed. 'Why can't he just accept you, my child?'

Genma thought up nasty plans to save his heir from the danger of motherly love.

Oh, nasty plans indeed.

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**Author's notes:** so here is the glimpse into the early life of Ranma… at least, a very well paid attention to, knowingly special, child dual sexed prodigy Ranma. That's why Ranma is so good at certain things so far. Thanks tuatara and Kris Leena! Yay chibi Ranma! The Text sez yay!


	3. Y2

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** Genma ahead. He has the death penalty in twelve counties. Crimes include three forms of child abuse, animal abuse, domestic abuse, thievery, breaking and entering, kidnapping, tax evasion, bill evasion, and intoxicated in public. If you see him, run, run, run as fast as you can, it helps if you're a gingerbread man.

**Caution:** time traveling into the future is just as bad as traveling into the past. Well, not really, but its pretty bad. Like seeing Genma when doing these crimes. Because this is what he will get in oh, about fourteen years. At present, he only has the death penalty in one country and that was mostly not his fault… mostly…

**Alert!:** dual-gendered Ranma alert! Oh, and if separation of child and mother upsets you… don't read… but, please read anyway… there is revenge… I was promised. Noy! You better! Remember, I'm the Text!

You have been warned…

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**Year 2 or II**

"No!" Nodoka screamed, grabbing a napkin.

*bonk* Napkin to the head!

"No!"

*bonk* Papers to the head!

"No!"

*Boink* Cup to the head!

"No!"

*BONK* Teakettle to the head!

"No!"

*BOK* Broom to the head!

"NO!"

*BAM* Chair to the head!

**"WOULD YOU STOP THAT!"** Genma yelled in rage at being hit on the head repeatedly.

"You are not taking our child!" Nodoka stood her ground, taking Ranma in her arms.

"If my words don't mean enough for you, then here!" Genma produced a piece of paper that said Ranma would become "a full man, a man amongst men," or else Genma and Ranma would commit seppuku.

Nodoka stood stunned for a second before lowering her arms, gripping the edges of the table.

**"NO! NO! NOO!"** she screamed and, using all her strength, lifted the table over her head.

***BAM* *BAM* *BAM* TABLE TO THE HEAD!**

Genma's eyes crossed as he lost consciousness.

"Whahha!" Ranma cried. "Moma?"

"There, there, Ranma…" Nodoka comforted her son. "Moma and Popa are just fighting…"

"Popa has table on head…" Ranma put a finger in his mouth.

"Yes, table on head…" Nodoka nodded. "Now, run along to your room, and don't worry, okay?"

"K, Moma!" Ranma dashed off, wobbling.

Nodoka let out a breath as Ranma ran off. "What am I going to do with you, Genma?"

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"OoOoh…" Genma opened his eyes. "Anybody get the number of the tomboy that hit me?"

He shook his head. 'Where did that come from?' he wondered. 'Hey, why can't I move my arms?'

"Husband? Are you coherent now?" Nodoka's voice rang in his ears.

"Wha-at?" Genma moaned out. "I… on a bed? Why did you tie me up?"

"Genma… our child is special… unique… we have a son AND a daughter. Wasting this opportunity is stupid and selfish and I would be a terrible mother if I let you ignore the half of our child that you don't like." Nodoka brought out the Saotome blade. "Now, do you understand?"

'Ahhh! What is she thinking? Is she insane? Just agree to everything and run away! It's the only way to get Ranma to his full potential!' Genma thought quickly. "Sure, fine, whatever."

Nodoka shook her head. "That's not good enough. Your rashness has given me an idea… and thinking this over, I have a pact for you to sign. It reads, 'If I fail to raise my daughter as a woman amongst women, I will commit suppuku.' Is that clear? If I would choose between you and my child, I would choose my child."

'Great… melodramatic again… whatever, just sign it and leave with Ranma.' Genma lifted his head. "So, if I agree, you'll allow this training trip?"

Nodoka breathed in and out, steadying her voice. "I… even though… I… yes. Our son needs this, as you said. It pains me… it pains me so. One change, though… I… I want my daughter back in ten years. That's all I ask."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she cut the rope holding his right arm, accidently dropping the knife and leaving a cut on his palm.

A few drops fell on the two copies of the pact.

"I… meant to do that…" she lied. "Blood pact… and all…"

Genma signed the papers, holding in his pain.

"Please… wait until tomorrow… I want another… one last night with Ranma…" Nodoka cried.

Genma, like most males, crumpled at seeing a crying woman and relented.

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"Kitty attack poptart! Rah ah rah laha!" Ranma used his Create-A-Cat martial artist cat complete with gi to pretend to eat his poptart plush. "EEh! Help me! Rah rah rhah! EEh! Arahhahaha!"

"Noo!" Ranma grabbed a doll with red hair and put her arms up. "Nowoeoewoew! Poptart! No!"

"Raghahah! Evil kitty eat poptart! Rahhh!" Ranma smashed the cat into the poptart. "Rahhh!"

"EEh! Save me!" Ranma moved the doll up and down in a jumping screaming way.

"Om nom nom nom!" Ranma hid the poptart. "Kitty turn to Poptart Kitty!"

He moved the cat around and twisted it before throwing it in the air and got out a poptart cat. "Nyannyan nyan nyannyannyannyannayan nyan nayn." Ranma sang as the poptart cat ran over the doll.

"Ahhh!" The doll flipped over a few times. "Someone, anywan, help!"

Ranma then poured a glass of water over his head. "Me defeat the kitty! Raghh!"

The redhead girl jumped on the poptart cat, hitting it and grabbing it with her teeth, thrashing it around before throwing it aside with her mouth.

"Boom!" Ranma threw her hands in the air.

"Yay!" She moved the doll up and down. "Ranma awesome ahhahah!"

Ranma then put the doll on her head and threw her arms in the air. "Yay!"

"Girly want cake!" Ranma moved the doll around.

"Ranma love cake! Yay!" Ranma shouted and crawled over to the corner of the room where there was a red table with teacups and fake cake.

Ranma placed the doll on the table. "Cake!"

The doll was moved around in a jumping motion. "Cake!"

"Om nom nom!" They pretended to eat the cake. "Eat kittypoptart too!"

Ranma grabbed the poptart cat and put it on the table.

"Eat the kitty!" Ranma giggled.

"Eat kitty!" The doll was thrown upon the poptart cat. "Omm nom nom nom nom."

"Yay!" Ranma hugged the doll and started spinning around in circles with it.

Ranma spun and spun until she fell to the ground, laughing.

"Ranma?" Nodoka's voice echoed through the room as she came in.

"Moma!" Ranma got up and jumped into her mother's arms. "Me miss you, Moma…"

"I'm right here… I'm right here…" Nodoka held her child as she cried.

"Moma? Why you crying? Moma? *gasp* Evil kitty try hurt you?" Ranma grabbed her mother's face. "Me protect you!"

Nodoka couldn't help but laugh. 'Always thinking cats are evil. I wonder where she got that from.' "No, dear, no cat has attacked me."

"Yay!" Ranma hugged her mother harder. "Popa and Moma fighting?"

Silent tears reemerged from Nodoka. "Not anymore… You're going on a training trip."

"Martial arts?" Ranma tilted her head.

"Yes… Ranma… I… turn around."

"OK, Moma…" Ranma did what she was told.

"My, your hair is getting longer isn't it?" Nodoka grabbed a nearby brush and started to brush her hair.

"Yes, Moma… Heehe! That tickles!" Ranma giggled.

"I love you, Ranma, remember that." Nodoka braided Ranma's hair.

"Me too, Moma!" Ranma smiled.

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**Author's notes:** yep, this will get messy… and crazy. Nodoka has a plan… oOh she has a plan alright. Chibi Ranma! Yay! Thanks tuatara and Kris Leena. I am the Text! Oh and since Noy Telinú is sick, all stories are delayed for a while... sorry about that.


	4. Training Trip Arc Y3

_**B**__orn That Way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** fanfiction is made by fans for fans. Noy doesn't own Ranma because if Noy did, I'd be rich and I wouldn't have this job of doing fanfiction. I wonder if Rumiko wrote some fanfiction anyway just to mess with people? That would be hilarious.

**Caution:** this is sad part. Not really. Yes… no… um… depends? Feelings are weird…

You have been warned…

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**Year 3 or III**

"Ooh… can I see map, Popa?" Ranma asked as he tried to look at the map in his father's hands. However, he was short and therefore unable to see anything.

"No, boy," Genma responded. "I know you're curious, but you can't."

"Aww… please?" Ranma begged.

"No."

"Pwease?"

"No."

Ranma dumped his canteen of water over his head.

"Pwease? Me have red hair!" Ranma poked her father in the shin.

Genma pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No."

"No fair! Look at me!" Ranma poked her father some more.

"Boy, I said no. Besides, I know where it is now." Genma put the map away and splashed his daughter with a thermos of warm water. "Come on, follow me; You'll get stronger."

"Stronger… yeAH!" Ranma followed his father into the woods. "Popa stronger too?"

"No, this is for you." Genma led Ranma into the woods. 'This honey should cure him of the girl disease.'

"OK, Popa…" Ranma obeyed.

Despite the unfortunate departure from his wife, Genma wrote her every month to report on Ranma's progress. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the journey, Nodoka was never able to write back. And that kept Genma from realizing that Nodoka was serious on her pact she made with him.

Fortunately for Ranma, fate hated Genma much, much more.

"Here we are… now… boy… you see that tree there?" Genma pointed to a giant tree with a hole in it about a foot wide. "Go inside that tree and eat the honey in it. It will make you stronger."

"Stronger!" Ranma repeated.

"Good… good." Genma rubbed his chin as he saw Ranma run off.

'The curing _ hunny. I wonder what that smudge was?' Genma thought to himself. 'Ah, who cares? I'll get a 100% son! Yes! Stupid person can't spell right and we had to go all the way to this wood in England, but it'll be worth it!'

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Inside the tree, Ranma splashed into a large pool of honey, causing him to be sticky.

"Popa says eat hunny. Mmm… hunny." Ranma starts licking his fingers. "RahahahHEEHA!"

Ranma's eyes crossed as he got on a sugar high.

"WHAHAHEWEHA!" Ranma puts his hand in his mouth, sucking on it.

Laughter filled the tree as Ranma ate.

This, however, was not ordinary honey. Rather, it was special, mythical hunny that helped with improving memory. To do so, it caused hallucinations and relaxed the mind.

Unfortunately, while the hunny by itself increased memories gradually and relaxingly, the bees that made it weren't as nice.

Speaking of which…

Soon, bees… everywhere, came and encircled the crazed Ranma.

"ZZZZzzZzZ!" They buzzed.

"Well, hi there!" Ranma slurred. "Hunny good…"

The bees started to attack him, causing the remembrance rate to skyrocket.

For with each sting a different memory was revived, causing Ranma to go on a journey throughout his young life.

As a side affect of eating so much hunny he couldn't feel any stings from the bees.

"Ooh… pretty…" Ranma muttered as his eyes started to glow.

Memory upon memory flashed before his eyes as the bees stung him repeatedly.

A punch he showed Genma, causing the father to smile; a fall off a roof; a jump off a rock; a stub of a toe; a redhead with a bow… all these memories passed until all the bees had died, fading away like ghosts.

One thing, though, struck Ranma the most.

"Moma?" he whispered, snapping out of the sugar high.

"Moma?" He started to cry.

Fearful, Ranma crawled out of the hole and fell down the tree, rolling on the grass until he was right in front of his father, honey all gone from his body.

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'We better leave soon… I have a feeling those filmmakers are coming this way,' Genma observed from his treetop viewpoint. 'I think that was enough.'

With a nod, he climbed down and stood in front of the tree with the honey.

That's when Ranma rolled out, landing at his feet.

"Popa!" Ranma said in alarm as he stood up. "Where Moma?"

Genma, a human of very little brain space for compassion, raised his eyebrow as Ranma remembered his mom for the first time in four months.

"It's not good of you to worry about that; we have to leave, now." Genma picked up Ranma, feeling only a hint of stickiness. "Did you eat the honey?"

"Yes Popa… but!" Ranma was cut off.

"Good, good. Hang on," Genma ordered as he dashed off, back to civilization.

Not long after they left, the film crew came up to the spot, ordering tiny animals around…

"But Popa!" Ranma tried to get his words in.

"No! Shhh… they will hear you," Genma growled.

Ranma frowned and slumped in defeat.

Right before they got to the boat, it rained, quickly and lightly.

"Popa, me wet." Ranma flipped her head down so she saw her father eye to eye. "Why you face like that?"

'Arg gabba shama nagga! What… arggg… what went wrong? Who wrote this thing anyway?' Genma pulled out the paper. 'Christopher Robin? What terrible writing! It looks almost as bad as the mast-… no… don't even think that… he's dead… forever…'

Anger lessened, Genma sighed and continued on, pulling out a book….

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**Author's notes:** Yes, Genma is going all the way to England to find a cure. I wonder what gave them this idea? Oh well… more to come! Thanks tuatara and Kris Leena.

**Authour's notes:** Hi there! Yes, I did a Winnie the Pooh cross… sort of… the Hunny is what Pooh eats and the rest to a lesser amount and it improves memory. That's why Pooh eats it a lot so that he isn't stupid. He has great ideas and the one who doesn't like Hunny is Tigger because he has the bad memories of being the only one. It also hampers his abilities to learn well. It makes sense! Noy said so! ^_^ Being a Telinú of very little organization, Noy tries to force feed me Hunny so I'm not stupid. But I'm not stupid! Nuh uh! Just look at the fanfics… they are all MY IDEAS! Except that lemon scene… that was Noy… Ooh a piece of candy!


	5. Y4

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** Genma was a very, very naughty man. But if you're going to stop people from cosplaying him, you need worse things than him being an idiot. Really worse stuff.

**Caution:** cats are a known evil and they will appear in this story. If evil makes you scared then don't you dare watch the news! Especially Fox! They have Nazi tourettes!

**Thanks!:** for tuatara and Kris Leena's support. Being read, as a Text is awesome!

You have been warned…

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**Year 4 or IV**

"Wheee! Come on Popa! Why not in water?" Ranma asked as she spun around again in the ocean off a rowboat, nineteen miles offshore of St. Vincent in the Caribbean Sea.

"Boy, think; the book needs to be dry." Genma shook his head. "Let's see… ah… here we go… come here so I can give you something."

"Owekay, Popa…" Ranma swam over to the edge.

"Ooh… What is it?" Ranma asked.

"It's a…"

"What is it?" Ranma cut him off.

"It's…"

"What is it?" Ranma screeched.

Genma glared at Ranma who just smiled and tilted her head, eyes now closed with her tongue hanging out.

"It's scuba gear. It lets you breathe under water." Genma strapped it to Ranma.

"I **had**_ no_ idea…" Ranma commented.

"Now, put that part in your mouth to breathe. When you get down there, grab the shiny things," Genma explained.

Ranma nodded.

"Good, now go!" Genma bellowed.

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"Yay! Popa in the water!" Ranma exclaimed. "What next?"

"I need you to hold your breath…" Genma explained slowly.

Ranma nodded.

"Then you will go underwater…"

Nod again.

"Until you can't hold it in anymore…"

Ranma looked confused.

"Once you open your mouth, I'll let you use this to breathe…"

"Ooh…" Ranma nodded.

*[Book flip page]*

"Next… I will tie your arms with this rope. Once you free yourself, you can breathe." Genma tied up his daughter.

"Whee!" Ranma did as she was told.

*[Book flip page]*

"Now, I'm going to throw you in the air, and you will have to dive into the water without splashing, got it?" Genma picked up his daughter.

"Ooh, OK!" Ranma smiled.

*[Book flip page]*

'Something must be wrong… these are too easy… hmmm….' Genma thought of an idea. "Boy, we need to eat. But to do that, you need to catch fish."

Ranma smiled. :D

"With your teeth…" Genma added.

Ranma raised an eyebrow. o.O. "Huh?"

"Do it or you don't eat," Genma ordered.

"So me eat the fishy?" Ranma asked.

"Yes, eat the fish."

"Yes!" Ranma dove beneath the water.

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'Hmm… Navy SEAL training doesn't seem hard enough for Ranma…" Genma thought as he ate a fish on shore again. 'I need to go tougher…'

"Popa?" Ranma was male again. "Can I haz fish now?"

"Hm? No. Not until you cut down the tree," Genma answered.

"Aww… OK, Popa…" Ranma continued to cut down the palm tree with… a herring!

'Need to think of other things… hmmm…' Genma flipped through the script papers that he got from England. 'That looks promising, but where would I find a killer rabbit?'

'This not working!' Ranma realized as he kept hitting the herring against the tree. 'The fishy is gone! Only bones left! What can… wait. Aha! Popa said bones are hard! Maybe…'

That's when Ranma figured out how to cut down a palm tree with a herring.

It took a few hours, though…

'Maybe if I go to this island…' Genma plotted.

*CRCRCC Crash! Thump!* The tree landed right next to Genma.

"Popa! Me did it!" Ranma shouted, exhausted before falling over, fast asleep.

"Well done, boy… now… uh… you can eat… what's left… boy?" Genma walked over to the sleeping Ranma and brought him into the tent.

"I'm so proud of you, son," Genma said to himself before cleaning up and sleeping as well.

And not a single person died that day… but a lot of fish did.

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**Author's notes:** Genma and Ranma are going around the world! At least they aren't fighting... yet… It's nice of Noy to show Ranma's early life. We don't see that much from canon and hardly anyone does so in fics. Seriously, hardly anyone does it and it was a mistake to not start AATBF that way. It's nice for a change and I'm glad they are doing it, even if it's short like this... Thank you Noy Telinú! I'm waiting for Nodoka's revenge, though. Genma is gonna get it! Cuz the Text says so! YES!

**Authour's notes:** I'm feeling a bit better, but I hate the chicken pox. I hate it! Getting it TWICE is HORRIBLE! the TV lies! it LIEESS! A Monty Python script and Navy seal training book. Gift shops must have EVERYTHING! And using your son to find sunken treasure? What bad parenting! Or is it? I don't know, it doesn't make sense... Why would a father, a fully capable father, have his son cut down a palm tree with a herring? I'll tell you why, it doesn't make sense. If it doesn't make sense, you must acquit. The defense rests... I guess... Ooh... a piece of candy!


	6. Y5

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** we here at fanfiction do not condone child abuse, sexual abuse or hypnosis of forced things… we do, however allow others to do so, because that's freedom. But only fictionally, because if you can't tell the difference between fiction and not, then you need to just stop making rules ruining our fun. It's our fun.

**Caution:** some of this may be happening right now. What a sad, sad world.

You have been warned…

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**Year 5 or V**

"Popa? I'm tired. We almost there?" Ranma panted as he pulled a sleigh with Genma and their stuff on it through the snow of Alaska.

"No, keep moving!" Genma ordered as they continued.

"But I can't go anymore!" Ranma complained.

"Boy! What did I say about complaining?" Genma narrowed his eyes. "Now, mush!"

Ranma sighed. "Yes, Popa."

"Good." Genma drank his hot chocolate. "This is for the best, remember?"

Ranma nodded as he kept pulling his father along…

*Splash*

**Her** father along…

*Splash*

"Ow!" Ranma screamed as she turned into a he again. "That hurt!"

"Stop sounding like a girl! Keep moving!" Genma ordered as he got himself another cup.

Ranma grunted, pulling the sleigh.

"Faster, boy! We're losing daylight!" Genma yelled.

"I'm trying!" Ranma pleaded.

Genma took out a whip. "Stop acting like a girl!"

Ranma huffed as he tried to go faster.

*Crack* went the whip into the air.

A panicked Ranma pulled with all his might.

"Faster!" Genma bellowed. "Faster!"

But Ranma couldn't go any faster and as he tried to, he felt pain more and more.

*Crack* The whip cracked right next to Ranma's ear.

"Faster!" Genma shouted. "Stop pulling like a girl!"

Ranma huffed and puffed… his little body not able to take much more.

*Splash*

**Her** body couldn't take much more.

*Splash*

"OW!" Ranma screamed as he collapsed at last.

"Excellent." Genma smiled. "We're here. Boy! Get up! No time for lying down like a weak girl!"

Ranma slowly got to his feet before being dragged inside the cabin that was their destination.

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"The water's cold!" Ranma shivered as she pulled the canoe across the Bering Strait.

"Quit whining, boy. You're sounding like a girl!" Genma yelled from the canoe, drinking warm cocoa again. "The longer you take, the worse it'll get. Now mush!"

"Y-es…" Ranma shivered as she pulled.

'Let's see, what to do next? Hmm… he's able to survive… so… invincibility should be next.' Genma took out training manuals. 'The Kamehameha takes too long according to this manga… laser beams are too uncontrollable… draining energy won't allow him to grow normally… If only there were some way to turn him male completely.'

"It's to-o-oo cc-oo-ld!" Ranma shivered.

"Boys don't complain about the cold!" Genma got out a whip. "Now swim!"

Ranma nodded as she pulled the canoe.

'Let's see… the Holy Grail is lost… the Fountain of Youth! Get out of my sight!' Genma burned the book. 'A year wasted looking for that thing! Aging mushrooms? Maybe later… Ah, the Neko-ken! For the price I paid, this will most defiantly not backfire at all, guaranteed!'

Genma smiled at seeing Ranma invincible and under control.

"But I'm co-o-o-l-ld, Popa!" Ranma was struggling. "There's ic-c-ce-e ever-yyy-wh-e-er-ee…"

"Boy, are you going to pull and be the best or are you going to be a weak, puny girl?" Genma narrowed his eyes. "Well?"

"I… I-I-I… D-d-o-o-n't kno-o-o-ow… It's cold!" Ranma tried to swim anyway. "I'm tu-u-u-rning-g-g blooooo!"

"Swim it off!" Genma ordered. 'I've got to find a way to get the girl out of him!'

"I… can't… g-oo-o-o o-o-o-n-n…" Ranma shook violently.

*Thump* They hit land.

*Splash* Rnma jumped onto land and curled up in a ball.

"There, that wasn't so bad." Genma got the stuff out. "This will warm you up."

*Splash*

Genma wrapped his son up in a blanket and started a fire.

"That'll do, son." Genma rubbed him. "That'll do."

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"Popa?" Ranma tugged at his father's gi inside their tent in South Korea. "Why do you hate girls so much?"

Genma looked down at his son and after a minute answered. "I don't hate girls, Ranma, and neither should you. You just aren't one. Girls are all mushy and soft and weak. As a boy you need to protect girls. Understand?"

Ranma shook his head. "But why? Why are girls weak? Girls don't look different."

Genma sighed. "It's the way of life, boy. It just is. Girls can do stuff, just not anything strong. They cook for you and nurture you. That's why they can't do this."

"Is it because Moma is a girl?" Ranma looked down, holding back tears.

Genma rubbed his forehead. 'He still hasn't forgotten her. Darn honey!' "Yes; yes, she is."

Ranma turned away. "I miss Moma…"

Genma rubbed his temples. 'More work for the boy tomorrow.'

Neither said another word as they got ready for bed.

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**Author's notes:** Yes, Genma is mean, but that's obvious. The whole plan is starting to unravel. I can sense it! Thanks tuatara and Kris Leena, push Noy so that it can happen! Believe in the me who is the Text! Yes!


	7. Y6

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** this is the most happening year in years. It's very, very important. So read it. Or you will have to get me a shrubbery… nah, make that a kitty. Me a like a kitty.

**Caution:** I, the Text will now have to go to therapy upon looking over the notes of this. It's very traumatic. At least, to me.

**Reviews:** Thanks for them... they're nice. Oh and Aceina while the manga did have The Neko Ken at 10, the anime had it at 6... Telinú likes it at 6 since it makes Genma meaner. That and it makes for a messed up year 6. Maybe that's why Canon Ranma thinks the training trip lasted 10 years... he can't remember anything before that! O_o Beware, things are going to get darker...

**Alert!:** big chapter alert!

**Thanks!:** tuatara and Kris Leena. You keep Noy Telinú in line.

You have been warned…

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**Year 6 or VI**

"Who's there?" Ranma asked as he spun around in the darkness of the pit. "Show yourselves!"

"Hisss…." a cat hissed.

"Hisss…" Another one.

"Growlarowl…" went a cat.

"Mewroewll…" And another.

"Nyan!" And another.

"No! No, no, no! Cats! You evil cats!" Ranma's eyes darted around, trying to see in the dark, but to no avail. "You'll pay for what you did!"

"Nya!" A cat brushed against his leg.

"I'm warning you!" Ranma shouted.

"RAHYA!" A cat jumped him, aiming for the fish around his neck.

Screams of agony followed…

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"Son, this fear is of yours getting out of control," Genma chided his daughter. "Perhaps this will get rid of it."

"No! No! NOO!" Ranma struggled mightily. "Cats are evil! No, don't!"

"Ah, my son, why must you behave like a girl?" Genma threw the red-haired girl into the pit.

**"NO!"** Ranma screamed in terror.

"Getawaygetawaygetaway!" Ranma tried to hide.

"Nyan!" a cat hollered.

"Getawaygetawaygetaway!" Ranma backed up.

"Nyan, nyan, nyan nyan, nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan!" A cat charged right at her, pinning her to the ground as it ate the fish right off her chest.

Ranma had fast flashes of insisting to her mother that cats were evil and bravely trying to defeat them. Her mother hugging her. Pretending to eat a cat.

Now… it tried to eat _her_.

Something inside Ranma snapped. As if the laws and rules of the universe were skewed. Nothing mattered anymore. Something was coming out…

**"AHHHH!"** Ranma yelled inhumanly.

*Snap* A cat's head rolled away as the one on top of her body fell over.

Cats screamed as they were murdered brutally.

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"Hmmm… it's been forty seven minutes. Maybe now I should check on the boy." Genma grabbed the edge of the makeshift lid to the pit.

*Slice* *Boom!* The lid fell into four pieces as it exploded upwards, sending blood everywhere.

"WHAT THE!" Genma shouted in surprise

An animalistic roar bellowed throughout the area as a redheaded girl covered in blood leaped out of the pit, a cat head in its mouth.

"Growllll…" Ranma snarled as she approached Genma.

"It… it worked?" Genma slowly smiled in shock.

"Hiss!" Ranma attacked the man, leaving him unconscious, bloodied and bruised, his clothes shredded.

She ran off into the distance, angry as if hit with gamma rays.

She ran on all fours away from the man who was her father.

Ranma dodged and weaved until she was far away from anyone… except a travelling okonomiyaki salesman and his daughter who were selling food to a man.

*Sniff, sniff* Ranma strayed to the cart they had and snuck behind it, looking for food.

"Have a good day," the chef said as the customer left. "You did well, Ukyo."

Ukyo smiled from her seat on top of the cart. "Thanks!"

Ranma licked her lips as she got close.

When suddenly…

"Yeahwch!" Ranma screeched like a cat as hot tea was knocked over and spilled on to now his back, right into his wounds.

"Oops, I dropped my tea." Ukyo leapt down. "I thought I heard a cat… Dad! Look at this!"

The chef looked down to see a young boy, covered in blood and dirt and grime and wearing a torn gi.

"Hiss!" Ranma realized he was spotted and got ready to strike.

"I don't know what happened to him, but he's gone wild!" the father exclaimed. "We need to calm him down, now!"

Ukyo slowly approached him. "Hi. My name is Ukyo Kuonji."

Ranma tilted his head, relaxing slightly.

"Um… can you speak?" Ukyo took another step.

The boy looked confused. "Nyrawl?"

"Be careful," the man warned.

"I'll be fine Dad, jeez." Ukyo was cut off by the sound of Ranma's stomach.

*Growl* it went.

"Nyra!" Ranma whined, looking sad before righting himself.

"You must be hungry… oh, here." Ukyo grabbed an okonomiyaki. "You want some, sugar?"

Ranma's eyes went wide and he pounced.

"Ah!" Ukyo gasped as she fell backwards.

Ukyo's father got out a giant spatula and was about to strike the young boy when he saw what was in front of him and let his weapon down.

Ukyo's eyes opened and saw Ranma curled up, eating okonomiyaki in her lap, purring occasionally.

"That's one strange child," her father stated, shaking his head in disbelief. 'A martial arts gi and acting like a cat. That's odd… mighty odd…'

After he finished the food, Ranma fell asleep, a tired purr escaping from his lips.

Ukyo nervously petted him in his sleep, causing the boy to smile and purr louder.

"Whatever happened to you, I'll help. I promise," Ukyo mumbled, causing her dad to stroke his beard in thought.

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Ranma awoke to a pair of brown eyes staring into his steel blue ones.

He blinked and took a look around.

'Where am I… how did I get here… I'm in someone's lap!' Ranma sniffed. 'Is that food?'

"Um… hi there. Sorry 'bout this…" Ranma rolled off Ukyo's lap.

"It's no problem, sugar." Ukyo stood up. "I'm Ukyo Kuonji. What's your name?"

"Ranma Saotome," Ranma answered. "What happened? How did I get here?"

"Beats me." Ukyo shrugged. "What's with the acting like a cat thing?"

Ranma's eyes widened. "Where? Where are those evil creatures?" He hid behind Ukyo. "Do you see them?"

Ukyo sweatdropped. "There are no cats around, jackass!"

"Don't do that!" Ranma shouted.

"Man, you're weird…" Ukyo faced Ranma after turning him around. "What happened to you?"

Ranma's eyes darted from left to right. "Nothin'…"

"You expect me to believe that?" Ukyo raised her eyebrow.

"Something bad…" Ranma started. "Training mishap… yeah…"

"Training?" Ukyo scratched her head.

"Martial arts!" Ranma answered. "All my life!" 'Except when I was with Moma…'

"That makes sense… Dad and me see travelling martial artists all the time," Ukyo commented. "Wonder when he'll be back…"

Ranma smelled the food that was so close by. "Food…" Ranma licked his lips.

"Nuh uh, sugar… Dad says not to give away food anymore." Ukyo stood in front of him.

"Bet you can't stop me!" Ranma challenged.

"You're on!"

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"Ain't that a story..." Ukyo's father shook his head. "Well, I found him. He's with my daughter right now. Come on, I'll help you bring your stuff there."

Genma nodded and limped along, freshly bandaged and with a makeshift crutch.

"Thank you for helping out a battered man like me," Genma said. "It's hard enough when your boy goes crazy during a wild tiger attack…"

"I still can't figure out how tigers got here…"

"I don't know either," Genma lied. "But now my son has a great fear of felines and he thinks he is one! Oh, woe is me…"

"We're not moving again for another week. Your son doesn't appear dangerous, but that animal-like behavior concerns me."

"He's been through worse… it'll pass over soon…" Genma hoped. "Now, when you said you make okonomiyaki…"

Ukyo's father laughed. "I'll make you a batch. It'll be cruel of me to turn you down after what you've been through. Just, once you're on your feet again…"

It was Genma's turn to laugh. "Don't worry, I always pay my debts," he lied with a straight face.

They walked back, conversation light and merry.

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"Hey, no fair!" Ukyo shouted as she chased Ranma. "My shoes weren't untied!"

"Bleah!" Ranma stuck his tongue out. "Anything goes!"

"Fine!" Ukyo stopped and shouted. "Then I challenge you! If you win, you can eat the food!"

"OK!" Ranma turned around and stuffed the okonomiyaki in his torn gi. "I accept!"

Ukyo charged Ranma, who just stood there until she was right on him.

*Thump* He jumped on her, causing her to fall to the ground as he took out his prize and ate it.

"Arrggg!" Ukyo pounded her fists as she realized what happened.

"Don't feel bad." Ranma got up off of her. "Popa says he's training me to be the best!"

Ukyo grumbled and dusted herself off.

"Want some?" Ranma asked, okonomiyaki half eaten.

Ukyo sighed. "Oh, all right. I can blame you if I get in trouble."

"Hey!" Ranma protested.

Ukyo blew a raspberry as she got an okonomiyaki from her father's cart.

Just a few hundred feet away, their fathers walked up the hill, carrying the Saotomes' things.

"Would you look at that?" Ukyo's father pointed to Ukyo and Ranma eating. "Guess he's out of it."

"I told you it wouldn't last long." Genma rubbed the back of his head.

"Hmm… indeed."

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A few days later…

"Wer'e going to the carnival! Going to the car-ni-val! What- ah!" Ranma tripped and fell because he was looking at Ukyo instead of where he was going. But he got right back up on his feet, facing the right way this time. "We're going to the carnival! Going to the car-ni-val!"

"Ran-chan, have you ever been to a carnival before?" Ukyo tried not to laugh at her friend's misfortune.

"No… Popa said they distract from trainin'," Ranma answered. "And that there're freaks there. But I think it's because he's afraid I'll be kidnapped."

"Huh? Why's that?" Ukyo asked. "Your dad is a big guy…"

Ranma smirked. "It's because I'm a freak too!"

"Is this about the…" Ukyo was cut off.

"No, no!" Ranma waved his arms in front of her. "I can do this!"

Ranma jumped in a nearby puddle.

"Tada!" Ranma threw her arms in the air. "My hair changed colors!"

"Wow!" Ukyo grabbed a black hair from Ranma's gi and brought it to the red ones on her hair. "How'd you do that?"

Ranma shrugged. "I was born that way."

"Anything else change?" Ukyo studied her friend closely.

"Well… stuff changes… down there… it makes it harder to pee standing…" Ranma mused.

"Wow! Can I see?" Ukyo's curiosity skyrocketed.

"But I want to see the carnival, Ucchan!" Ranma whined. "We can do it later! Please!"

Ranma went all puppy dog eyes on her friend.

Ukyo crumbled. "Oh, alright… you're good at that."

"Thanks!" Ranma smiled. "We're going to the carnival!"

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Ranma grumbled as she was down to her underwear.

"Stupid *mumble* *mumble* joker!" Ranma muttered in anger.

"Ran-chan! Stop it! He has all your clothes!" Ukyo tried to stop her friend from doing worse.

"Your friend is right." The Gambling King smirked. "You have nothing more of value anyway."

"Oh yeah!" Ranma reached into the front of her underwear. "I have this!"

With that, she pulled from a secret pocket in her underwear that her father made so no one would suspect Ranma of being a girl… a coin, a very special coin.

"Ran-chan?" Ukyo's eyes widened. "Is that…"

"Popa says it's Aztec gold," Ranma explained. "I had to get it from an undead monkey!"

"That is something worth betting." The gambler smiled. "Are you game?"

"Wait!" Ukyo waved her arms up and down so fast that one could only see blurs and two dots where her hands were. "Don't do it! It's gold!"

"But I can't lose, Ucchan! I need my stuff back!" Ranma complained. "Besides, the only other thing I have left is a dojo that Popa promised! I don't even know where it is!"

Ukyo was firm, though, and pulled Ranma back. "No way! That's gold! Do you know what you can get for gold?"

"No! I! Must! Win!" Ranma struggled as Ukyo pulled her away.

"Let the girl play…" the Gambling King pleaded. 'I want that gold coin!'

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A GIRL!" Ranma broke free of Ukyo's grip and slammed into the gambler, spilling cards everywhere.

"Hey!" Ukyo grabbed a card out of the air. "He… he cheated!"

A bunch of angry kids narrowed their eyes and glared at the Gambling King.

"Uh oh…" he whimpered.

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"Nuh uh, you too!" Ranma demanded. "If I'm getting naked, you're getting naked!"

Ukyo and Ranma were at the edge of the river into which they'd thrown the Gambling King.

"Oh… OK." Ukyo's curiosity forced her hand. "We'll go skinny dipping together. I show you mine, you show me yours."

"Good!" Ranma poured warm water over her head. "Tada!"

"**How**_did_ you do that?" Ukyo shook her head in disbelief.

Ranma shrugged. "Told ya, I was born this way. Warm equals black hair and dangly bits. Cold equals red and flat bits… with a hole…"

Now Ukyo was really intrigued. "Now, turn around and when we're both naked, we face each other."

Ranma nodded and turned around.

Ukyo undressed and took a deep breath. "One…"

Ranma was now nude and understood. "Two…"

"Three!" Both turned and faced each other.

"Wow…" Ukyo stared at Ranma's reproductive organs.

Ranma, meanwhile, was at a loss… Ukyo's body didn't look much different than when Ranma had red hair…

"I've never seen a boy's privates up close before," Ukyo said in awe.

Now Ranma was stumped. 'What the? Hasn't he seen himself before?'

"I have a good idea what's going on…" Ukyo announced. "Come on, let's jump in!"

Ranma shook his head and jumped in after Ukyo.

"Okay, let me see…" Ukyo demanded.

"Why?" Ranma was getting a headache. "It looks the same as yours!"

Ukyo smiled. "I called it! Ran-chan, cold water turns you into a girl."

Ranma narrowed her eyes. "I AM NOT A GIRL!"

Ukyo was bewildered. "Yes, you are."

"No, I'm NOT!" Ranma was seething. "I am not weak," she muttered to herself. "I'm not puny…"

"Ran-chan… are you OK?" Ukyo was getting nervous. "Let's come out of the water…"

Ranma followed, irritated and afraid… just a tiny bit.

"See! You're a girl!" Ukyo noted when Ranma came out. "You can be a boy and a girl! This is so cool!"

"Well… **you're** a girl!" Ranma was began to crack.

Ukyo raised an eyebrow. "Well, duh. Of course I'm a girl."

Ranma's world started to fracture as her mind tried to rationalize what Ukyo was telling her with what Genma drilled into her head.

"No… that's not true…" Ranma kept denying. "That's impossible!"

"Ran-chan?" Ukyo was getting worried. "Didn't your father tell you that you were a girl?"

Ranma's world shattered completely as she couldn't deny it any longer.

Her mind flashed back to when she was two and Nodoka called her daughter.

Genma's complaints about being and acting like a girl, that scowl he had when she had red hair, the splashing of hot water even when it was all they had.

The little redheaded girl couldn't take it anymore and she cried. She cried like the little girl she realized she was.

Ukyo was in shock at seeing this and tried to comfort her friend.

Ranma didn't care as she fell to the ground and curled up in a ball.

The duo didn't return until much later than they were supposed to.

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"How am I supposed to be the best martial artist if I'm a girl?" Ranma cried as she and Ukyo walked back to camp. "A weak… pitiful… girl…"

*Whack* Ukyo slapped Ranma across the face.

"WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR!" Ranma yelled.

"Stop moping around and listen to me!" Ukyo shook Ranma by the shoulders. "Nothing changed! You were always a boy AND a girl! Now get a hold of yourself!"

"Buu-whau-uh-tt Ucchan-an-ahan!" Ranma couldn't keep her voice straight from wavering due to being shaken back and forth. "I-I-aye am-m-m a-a-ah gi-u-i-u-r-l-l!"

"So what? I'm a girl!" Ukyo stopped shaking Ranma. "Do I look weak or pitiful to you?"

Ranma paused for a second. "No… but… if Popa finds out…" Ranma shook fearfully.

"Then don't let him find out!" Ukyo exclaimed. "You can do that, right? He still thinks you're a boy."

Ranma nodded. "That's why he took me away from Moma…" She started to cry silently.

Ukyo hugged her girl friend. "Don't worry, everything will be just fine."

Ranma hugged her back, not having felt as good as she did then for a long time. "But… how?"

Ukyo smiled. "Because you have me!"

Ranma giggled, not able to stop herself. "And you have me too!"

"Now…" Ukyo splashed Ranma with hot tea from the okonomiyaki cart that they just arrived at. "… We have to go to bed. Best friends forever, Ran-chan?"

Ranma squeezed her. "Best friends forever, Ucchan."

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The next day…

"What did you say?" Ukyo couldn't believe her ears.

"I said that you are going to marry Ranma," her father answered. "He's your fiancé now. Don't worry; you won't marry for another ten years or so."

'Ran-chan… I'm going to marry Ran-chan!' Ukyo had a huge smile on her face. "Thank you, Dad!"

"Oof!" He found himself on the floor with his daughter on top of him. "Ha ha! You're welcome, daughter. Now, come; I want to show you how to make ten-year sauce. You're going to need it someday."

Ukyo leapt for joy.

'This is the best day of my life!' she screamed in her head.

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'This is the worst day of my life!' Ukyo screamed in her head as she chased after Ranma and Genma in their family cart.

"Ucchan!" Ranma yelled from the cart, tied up with rope to the wooden pole that connected to the canopy. "Ucchan!"

'No! This can't be happening!' Ukyo ran as fast as she could, but it wasn't enough. "Wait for me, jackass!"

"Stop! Popa stop!" Ranma pleaded from his bindings. "I picked Ucchan! I want Ucchan!"

"MMphghph eh de football game." Genma swallowed his food that he was definitely not stealing. "Stop whining like a girl!"

**"NO! UCCHAN!"** Ranma screamed as he saw Ukyo fall down.

**"NO! RAN-CHAN!"** Ukyo screamed as she saw the cart roll out of sight, along with her fiancé.

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**Author's notes:** O_O Wow… I… I think I'm going to be sick… and cry… and… and kill my employer… Damn you Telinú! LEAVE UKYO ALONE! LEAVE HER ALONE!


	8. Y7

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** idiots are everywhere. Be careful. They may be watching you right now… or being your employee. Like Randy…

**Caution:** if you experience flashbacks, don't try and take photos of them. It doesn't work. And I know cuz I'm the Text!

**Reviews:** are awesome! Yay! Even one like Aceina who said stuff... some clearing up to do... first... Noy Knows that. This Ranma is a bit different, so is the Neko Ken. Plus stress and Genma being crueler to knock the girl out of him helps. Secondly, Ranma is like a muderor to the cats... it'll come up again... eventually... people kill people and eat people... so... yeah... thirdly, true... but this one is a bit different. Forthly, Telinú puts references to everything... just look back, Pooh, Portal, Invader Zim, Monty Python, Navy seals, nyan Cat... it just makes the world more interesting. yep...

You have been warned…

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**Year 7 or Republic credit symbol**

_"Okonomiyaki or Ukyo?" Genma asked._

_"Ucchan!" Ranma replied immediately. "She's the only friend I ever had!"_

_Suddenly Genma grew fifty stories high. "No! You will not be friends anymore!"_

_Then he picked up Ranma and the okonomiyaki cart, carrying them far away._

_"Ucchan!" Ranma screamed._

*Splash*

"Wake up, boy!" Genma yelled, waking Ranma from her nightmare as she found herself in a river.

"I **am** up, Pops!" Ranma yelled from the river, dodging just in time to miss being smashed by her father's foot.

"Too slow!" Genma insulted as he attacked his daughter. "You're getting sloppy!"

The two fought on… or, rather, Genma beat up on his daughter. It was not pretty, not at all.

"You are still too slow." Genma shook his head sadly. "Catch a rabbit. That should make you better."

And with that he left his daughter on the ground, all beaten and bruised.

"Meanie…" Ranma spat as she got up. 'Ever since Pops found out that I knew I was a girl…' she sighed. 'He knew the whole time, of course…'

"Now… where could a rabbit be?" Ranma mused as she walked off her injuries.

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"Oh, why do you disappoint me so?" Genma shook his head. "My only son… disrespecting his father like this! Do you have no shame?"

*Clamp* The chain was attached to the back of the train.

**"Me disrespecting you?"** Ranma yelled in anger as she tried in vain to break her chain to the train. "You lied to me!"

Genma snorted. "Don't you have any respect for your elders? How **dare** you consider yourself a girl?"

"I am a girl!" Ranma yelled. "At least right now! But you don't care!"

"Foolish boy! Now that you know, I have to make sure you don't grow weak! My son will not be female!"

*Screech* *Whistle* The train started to move.

"I'll knock the girl out of you if it's the last thing I do!" Genma vowed as he slurped a soda.

*Choo Chew!* The train picked up speed. *Chuga chuga chuga chuga*

'Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!' Ranma yanked on the chain to no avail. "Pops!"

"Quiet, boy!" Genma took a sip through the straw. "I've got to toughen you up somehow."

The train rushed through the countryside as it went faster and faster.

"Pops!" Ranma started getting scared. "Um… uh… look! A five yen piece!"

"Where?" Genma looked around for money.

Seizing this opportunity, Ranma caught up to the train and jumped onboard.

"Ranma!" Genma scowled as he realized he'd been tricked. "Get out here now!"

"Nuh uh!" Ranma clung onto the guardrail.

He grabbed his daughter and yanked her off, causing Ranma's hands to bruise.

"Now… get out there!" He threw her over the edge.

Ranma shrieked as she flew through the air, hurtling towards the ground.

*Thump* She hit the ground running, but it did no use as she stumbled and fell onto her face.

**"Ahhh!"** she yelled as she was dragged along by the train.

"Stop whining like a girl!" Genma sipped more soda.

**"I am a girl!"** Ranma growled as she tried to get her feet under herself.

"What did I do to deserve a son like this?" Genma whined.

Ranma screamed again as she hit the rails time and time again until she got a foot on the ground and pushed upward.

Fortunately, the train was now going top speed and Ranma flew through the air, defying gravity as she was pulled fast.

"Ungrateful son," Genma muttered as he shook his head in disappointment.

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Ranma looked left and right to make sure the coast was clear before sneaking out of the campsite.

As he traveled along the road to the library, he thought about his mom.

'Maybe I'll find her.' He tried to be optimistic. 'Then I'll be free of Pops… and… and I'll be loved again.'

Shaking his head to not cry, he continued on into the night, quickly getting to his destination. Route guidance was now finished as he put away the town map and smiled victoriously.

'It's a good thing Pops said libraries are open late because of the nerds,' Ranma laughed lightly.

Opening the door slowly, he looked around for people.

Seeing none that were looking at him, he continued on, moving quickly but quietly towards the self-help section.

After a bit a searching, he found a book on girls.

Shrugging, he picked it up and snuck off to a corner to read.

Of course, after several minutes, he realized that being a girl while looking up girls would be better as he needed to compare.

A quick dose of water from a drinking fountain solved that problem.

'Let's see…' Ranma thought to herself. 'How does…'

Her eyes went wide as she flipped to the section on reproduction.

*Slam* She shut it fast and put it back.

'Maybe later…' She shivered just thinking about it.

She picked out another book this time, one that appeared more appropritate for her age, and sat down to read.

'Wow!' Ranma was awed at all the diagrams and illustrations it provided. 'I'm going to nail this being a girl thing in no time!'

With a determined expression, she studied vigorously.

Much later, Ranma slipped back into bed, a he again, smirking triumphantly at getting away with his trip to the library.

'Pops will be _soOo_ mad tomorrow…' Ranma dreamed peacefully that night, thinking of freedom and his mother.

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**Author's notes:** yep… Genma is still pushing but Ranma is fighting back… Thanks to tuatara and Kris Leena, this wasn't rushed. Yay! Happy Text! And a happy Ides of March! Yay!


	9. Y8

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** fanfiction can make you crazy! Just look at me! I've been helping out on it for over a year! Nehahaha ha ha ha hah!

**Caution:** the Text is not responsible for you or your reactions to this fic. YOU read it; YOU go to therapy and pay for it yourself.

**Reviews:** are awesome. Aceina, it is not filler. It established Ranma's actions to combat Genma, showed that Ranma now knew about Genma knowing, and is foreshadowing a plot point that will come up later. Besides, Ranma's knowledge will come in handy... realm, if that is your real name O_o... Ranma stole it from Jack, he isn't cursed THAT way. It doesn't work like that. Otherwise, Will and Elizabeth would be cursed as well. jabber185, fear not, I, the Text, have proof that the next arc is finished... just... in editing. There will be much more... oh yes...

**Happy St. Patrick's day!:** wear green and get free Burger King fries! Whooo!

You have been warned…

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**Year 8 or II by IV**

Somewhere in a small city in the United States of America…

{Oh, so NOW you acknowledge me as your daughter!} Ranma threw her hands up in the air as they walked to the store, speaking English. {I hope you didn't rip someone off, Pops…}

"You listen to me, BOY!" Genma snarled. "I'm only allowing this so that we can get a free breakfast and a chance to win prizes. So you'd better appreciate it!"

"Ooh… and how is it free, huh? Did you steal it from some guy?" the redheaded girl accused. "Besides, why did it take this long to do this?"

"Foolish BOY, you live like you can." Genma gritted his teeth. "Besides, it's only once every four years."

"Oh, right… the thieves and daughters breakfast is only once every four years so we have something left afterwards…" Ranma stated sarcastically.

*Whap* Genma smacked his daughter upside the head.

"Don't play games with me!" he warned. "And it's the father-daughter breakfast."

"Oh, so I can only be a girl if it feeds your fat stomach…" Ranma rubbed the back of her head. "Thanks a lot, Pops…"

*WHAM* Genma smacked Ranma upside the head again, this time much harder.

"Don't get snarky with me, BOY." Genma narrowed his eyes even more than before.

Ranma grumbled and kept quiet.

They got to the thrift store in silence.

"Ranma…" Genma took a deep breath. "Since you need to look like a girl… you can wear much more delicate things…"

Ranma's eyes widened. "Really?"

Genma grunted. "Don't make me change my mind. Now go in and get some clothes. I don't care if you have to steal them. I have to convince them you're a girl."

"I'm not like YOU, Pops!" Ranma growled.

Genma smiled evilly. "Sure you aren't…"

Ranma raised an eyebrow before warily going into the store.

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Ranma guiltily walked out of the thrift store with some stolen panties on the bottom of her bag. She didn't mean to do it, but she didn't have enough money. Besides, the chance to get any female clothing was too good to resist.

'Damn you, Pops!' Ranma blamed her father for her own behavior. 'Why do I have to be like you…?'

Shaking it off, she looked for Genma.

'I mean… I paid for some stuff…' Ranma tried to rationalize it. 'It's not like I didn't buy anything…'

Soon she found her father, eating a pork bun behind a stand that sold pork products.

{I got them… Is this good enough?} Ranma tried her best to shake off her guilt and put forth a confident voice.

Genma cringed upon seeing his daughter.

Ranma was in red overalls that went down to her upper thighs, with a long red shirt underneath and a pair of mid-thigh black socks.

"Gah!" Genma's eye twitched. "Let's… get this over with…"

Ranma smiled at that.

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*Slurrpp* {Ah!} Ranma sipped her milk. {Daddy… this is the best breakfast I had in months!}

Genma's head throbbed at the name. 'How is he so good at the little girl act?'

{People!} the organizer spoke, {Seconds are available to all who wants them now.}

*Swoosh* Genma and Ranma were in line before he could finish.

'Alright, just do what How to Maximize Your Female Charms: Little Girls' Edition said and I can get even more food!' Ranma smiled. 'I can't believe that there are twelve whole volumes' worth of how to be a girl and stuff… Thank you, library!'

Once Ranma was being served, she pulled out all the stops.

Her eyes got huge and her lips trembled as she put her tray out in front of her.

Ranma's stomach growled as a tear rolled down her cheek.

{Please, sir,} Ranma said in her most pathetically hungry voice, {may I have some more?}

The guy crumbled and gave Ranma what she wanted.

{Thanks!} Ranma smiled and continued on. 'Oliver Twist… works WAY better as a girl…'

Genma was too busy sneaking in more food to congratulate or scold Ranma at the moment.

'Milk… hmm… Vitamin D or 2 percent?' Ranma stared at the milk and rubbed her chin. 'Vitamin D! I need it…'

"Ranma…" Genma got her attention on the way back to the table. "The drawing… What's our number?"

Ranma scowled and whispered, "Pops… you aren't thinking of cheating? Right?"

"Quiet!" Genma scowled. "What kind of father do you think I am?"

Ranma sat down and thought it over, idly picking at her food.

"Well?" Genma was growing impatient.

Ranma fingered the ticket she kept in her shirt before sighing.

'I'm going to regret this…' Ranma took a deep breath. {1019…}

*Whoosh* Genma left in a flash.

{… 388…} Ranma couldn't help but smile. {Oh, Pops…}

Ranma continued to eat her food, enjoying the peace.

Of course, it was not to last as once she finished, there was a crash.

*CRASH* A window broke.

Ranma looked up and saw a Genma shaped hole in the window.

Screams of people shouting about money being gone were rampant.

'Typical…' Ranma got up and left. 'Still… I had a good time… Gotta come back to America someday….'

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**Author's notes:** It is a strained relationship, but it may turn better. Who knows? The travelling around the world thing may help. And yes, in this story, Ranma knows English. What? Ranma spent what, 3 years in England, the Caribbean and Alaska? Plus this? Ranma is smart you know… Thanks to tuatara and Kris Leena. Send your therapy bills to them, not me, the Text.


	10. Y9

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** Life can be difficult. Reading fanfiction can ease the pain. But please, do everyone a favor and don't threaten the authors or report things you don't like. These guys get paid nothing and are only doing it for their own and your amusement. However, if it's really bad, flame it. If there's a problem, say it. Noy won't get better unless you review and say what's wrong. Thank you, and enjoy.

**Caution:** some reviewers may have a different opinion than you. Especially trolls. Respect their opinions because I know I will laugh if I read something funny, but what can I say? I'm the Text after all…

**Reviews:** are liked. Really. hero in a cup, don't worry, I feel weird too and I'm the Text! Damn Yokio look... Sakura Lisel, um... that's what Genma thought. That whole 'waiting another year thing' went through his mind. Besides, he's impatient. Genma doesn't care, sees Ranma as a boy, Nodoka sees... Ranma... as both since it's special. It's the first day of spring! YAY!

You have been warned…

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**Year 9 or III squared**

Somewhere in the Mongolia Desert…

"Pops…" Ranma panted as he wiped his brow, sweating like crazy in the mid-afternoon sun. "Why… are… we… here?"

"Foolish BOY!" Genma coughed. "Somewhere… here… there is… something… Oh, my head..."

"Hey…" Ranma pointed ahead. "Is that… a lake?"

"Don't be ridiculous…" Genma coughed once more. "That's a mirage…"

"I don't care if it's just a puddle!" Ranma sprinted ahead. "It's water!"

"Wait!" Genma called out to his son.

But it was too late as Ranma was gone.

'Darn that BOY!' Genma screamed in his head.

'Where is it?' Ranma kept searching in vain. 'Where? Water! Where is water?'

The gusting wind held no answers.

"Damn it, where is the waatttt-eeeerrrr…" Ranma freaked as he fell off a cliff that he didn't see due to the heat and the flatness of the area.

*Spoof* He landed face-first into a pile of sand.

"Ptahat! ThhtaH!" Ranma spat out the sand and stood up, seeing desert everywhere.

Except…

'There's a person!' Ranma wobbled his way to the person and that big twist of metal just past the horizon….

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Mr. Daikoku wiped his brow and put down his shovel. 'Rest in peace. Too bad it had to be out here.' "Kaori! Is there anything else usable in there?"

Koari Daikoku crawled out of the wreckage of the plane that was nearby. "No, Father. The only thing left is the controls."

Mr. Daikoku took a deep breath. "Get out of there; we have to set up camp. There are only a few more hours of sunlight."

"Father," Kaori spoke up, "there's someone coming this way."

Her big-eared father turned around and saw Ranma shambling towards him.

"Get a canister of water. I won't let another person die out here in this desert!"

His daughter nodded and brought a canteen of water.

Just as he got it from her, however, he saw Ranma fall down from exhaustion.

Eyes wide, Mr. Daikoku ran to the pigtailed boy, carrying the canteen with him.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he opened the canteen.

"Water…" Ranma said in a hoarse whisper. "People…"

"Here, drink this." Mr. Daikoku held the canteen up to Ranma's lips.

Ranma graciously chugged it down.

"Thanks…" he managed to get out before falling unconscious.

"Daughter, get out the extra bedroll!" Mr. Daikoku shouted out as he carried Ranma back to the plane wreck.

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'Foolish BOY!' Genma mentally yelled as he journeyed across the sand. 'You don't just run off into a mirage… Hmm?'

That's when Genma noticed, just down the cliff, a crashed airplane and tents set up.

'Perhaps they have some food. I could go for some pickles right about now.' Genma smiled and leapt down.

It didn't take long for him to get there.

"Father, there's someone else approaching," Kaori observed.

Her father turned around to see Genma heading towards them.

'People are just popping up everyhere.' Mr. Daikoku shook his head. 'I don't know if I should be worried or glad….'

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While Genma was busy doing who knows what with Mr. Daikoku, Ranma was being watched over by Kaori as he rested.

'How did he get all the way out here?' she asked herself as she stood over his sleeping form. 'Who would voluntarily go out in the desert, anyway?'

She heard her father argue over their pickle supply.

'And what about him? Why is he here?' Kaori shook her head.

Things had been tough for the nine-year-old girl. She and her father were just coming back from a business trip to the pickle-loving Seven Lucky Gods of Nekonron when the small plane lost its engine and crashed in the desert.

On top of that, during the trip, talk of the destined bride of Nekonron's Prince Kirin had gotten Kaori's father talking about her marital future.

Frankly, it scared her that her father might marry her off to a stranger.

"Lime… in the coconut?" Ranma woke up with a headache. "That doesn't make any sense…"

"I see that you're awake. Water?" Kaori offered, holding out the canteen.

"Yes, thanks…" Ranma gladly drank the water. "What… what happened?"

"I don't have the answer for that… You were walking in the desert alone. That doesn't seem wise."

"Oh yeah… that's what happened with that…" Ranma rubbed the back of his head as he sat up. "Wait… what are _you_ doing here?"

"The plane my father and I came in crashed… Our pilot didn't make it." Kaori lowered her head.

"Sorry for your loss…" Ranma felt bad. "Thanks for saving me and stuff…"

"I am just doing what's right. My father brought you here and I just looked after you as you slept."

"So… we just stay here until rescue comes for the plane, huh?" Ranma sighed. "Too bad Pops won't allow me to stay 'til then. I don't get to meet people my own age anymore."

Kaori was curious at the statement. "Wouldn't you meet people at school?"

Ranma shook his head. "I don't go to school no more…."

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"I could sell some pickles, but what do you have to trade?" Mr. Daikoku asked. "You said you were yenless…"

"Couldn't you just give some poor wanderer a hand?" Genma pleaded.

"I don't have many pickles left; the plane crash spoiled most of the shipment," Mr. Daikoku stated. "I'm sorry, but I need what I have for us, including this boy who came here. I can only give you two pickles to survive."

'Man, TWO pickles! That's awesome! No… I want more!' Genma thought it over. 'Wait… a boy?' "What was the boy's name?"

"Why is that important?" Mr. Daikoku grew suspicious.

"I lost my son in the desert. I've been looking for him… Ranma's his name…" Genma told truthfully.

"So, he is your son…" Mr. Daikoku rubbed his chin. 'Weird. He doesn't look like him at all…'

"Yes, you have him! Oh, thank goodness… I **told** him to not wander off in the desert after a mirage…"

"I'll give you two a bowl of rice as well. I'd hate to see people die here… What _are_ you doing here anyway?" The giant-eared father asked.

"We are traveling martial artists," the gi-wearing father stated. "I'm headed to the Bayankala Mountain Range with my son."

'Hm… A martial artist boy… That's a good, strong, honest profession, even if a bit on the poor side… A perfect type of husband for my little Kaori.' Mr. Daikoku had an idea. "Why don't you stay a while until rescue comes? They are sure to bring more supplies."

"Hmm… My son and I will help protect you and stay for two more pickles…" Genma offered.

"Agreed."

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*Clank* A piece of aluminum fell off.

*Clank* And another.

*Clank* A bigger piece.

*Clank* Once again.

"How did you do that, Ranma?" Kaori asked as Ranma broke four pieces of aluminum off the outside of the plane.

Ranma shrugged. "I don't know… I just… did…"

He began twisting the metal into spoons.

"You must be really strong to do that," Kaori noted. "What are you making, anyway?"

"Spoons," Ranma answered. "It's easier than chopsticks and you can eat rice faster. Besides, it's not what Pops wanted…"

Kaori smiled at that. "I see… You don't get along with your father, do you?"

"Nah, not really," Ranma admitted. "I just tolerate it so I can… Never mind."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kaori sighed. "I love my father, but I'm afraid that he'll marry me off to a strange boy."

Ranma was going to respond with something nasty when Genma picked him up by the back of his gi.

"Boy, what are you doing?" Genma tried not to scowl.

"What are _you_ doing?" Ranma shot back.

"No, what _**ARE**_ you doing?" Genma couldn't help but growl.

"Making utensils, like you said," Ranma stated in a bored manner.

Genma picked up a finished spoon. "What is this?"

"A spoon." Ranma rolled his eyes, two feet off the ground still. "What did you think it was?"

"I KNOW what it is, BOY!" Genma snarled. "WHY are you making **spoons**?"

"'Cause it's better and faster to eat with, Pops…" Ranma started.

Genma threw Ranma over his head, causing the young boy to fall face-first into the sand.

*Spoof*

"Ptthah!" Ranma spat out sand. "What'd ya do that for?"

"Stop whining like a girl!" Genma ordered as he stomped away.

Ranma's eye twitched in frustration.

"No wonder you don't like him…" Kaori stated the obvious. "Are you okay?"

'I'm never okay…' Ranma thought. "I've had worse…"

Kaori was afraid to ask about the 'worse' Ranma had been through and kept quiet for the rest of the day.

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"WHAT?" Kaori nearly yelled.

"You heard me; you will marry Ranma in seven years," her father repeated himself. "As a son of a martial artist, he is a good match for you. Besides, you seem to get along well."

Kaori's world fell apart at that. The strange boy they found wandering in the desert a week ago was now going to be her husband.

"Why?" She wanted to cry. "Why did you do that?"

"Daughter, this way you won't have troubles finding a mate," he explained. "You've already started to get to know him; you've seen how he is abused by his father. It was the best way to help get him out of his father's grasp."

'But he turns into a girl!' Kaori bit her lip. 'I don't know if I can love a girl… or a boy, for that matter. Too bad father won't believe me even if I tell him.'

"Do I make myself clear?" her father asked.

"… Yes, Father," Kaori answered.

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"Pops!" Ranma growled. "What are you doing?"

"WE are running away. Why do you think I took this Jeep?" Genma answered.

"I KNEW IT WAS A LIE!" Ranma yelled. **"Why do we have to leave again?"**

"Hey… I got a fish and a bowl of rice…" Genma began.

**"You what?"**

"And two pickles! Plus a whole crate of pickles and the Jeep I stole… err… borrowed," Genma lied.

"YOU… LEFT KAORI AND HER FATHER IN THE DESERT ALONE?"

"Foolish BOY!" Genma yelled. "The rescue team is there with them. We have no need to stick around."

"You just can't let me make friends, huh?" Ranma snarled.

"It's your fault! If you didn't turn into a girl, you could have said goodbye," Genma scolded. 'Besides, I can't let you find out you're engaged. Not that they matter anyway.'

"My fault?" Ranma seethed. "…Whatever… Just forget it. I just hope you can drive, old man."

"What kind of father do you take me for?"

*Crash* The Jeep hit a giant rock.

"That was unexpected," Ranma groaned as he checked his body. "And by unexpected I mean completely expected."

"Shut up, BOY!"

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**Author's notes:** Doo doo do doo do do… Genma is gonna get it… Kaori, if you didn't figure it out, is the girl from the anime-only episode of Ranma ½ in the noodle race. I don't know why she is in this fic, but it made tuatara happy. Thanks, by the way. My life is easier thanks to you… wait… the next part… it's… it's… Hahahaha! Thanks Noy!


	11. Y10

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** if you are a Ranma fan, things will be enjoyable. If you are, for some reason a Genma fan… well… one, what is wrong with you? Two, Really? And three, something really BAD is gonna happen. For him…

**Caution:** if you don't appreciate life getting easier for Ranma, this isn't for you. Or so I've been told…

**Reviews:** make this thing move! Jokulmorder, you're wrong, it does. First, it's showing Ranma growing up with Genma doing whatever he can to make him stay a him, being the hook. Next, it shows that Ranma really starts hating Genma and is trapped. Also, Genma's lack of concern to others with a way to engage him off to girls is shown. Besides, where is the Mongolia desert? Hmm? In what country? Yes… plot… Bree R, plot? Oh, I'll show you plot! You impatient reviewers! Here's your Plot! Oh, sorry, do you want it fried or baked? hero in a cup, I like cupcakes in cups… oh and because he wasn't flying it. The pilot was um… uh… drunk on pickle juice? Help me out, Noy! Run away! Ahhh!

**Thanks!:** to tuatara and Kris Leena for making this possible by bugging Noy to make it.

You have been warned…

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**Year 10 or two Vs**

"Pops… are we there yet?" Ranma groaned as she ventured through the mountains with her father.

"No! Stop asking!" Genma growled.

"But it's been a YEAR!" Ranma yelled. "In China for a year and still no sign of this 'Jusenkyo' anywhere! Maybe if you learned Chinese, this wouldn't take so long!"

"Shut it, BOY!" Genma yelled.

'Maybe if he would have listened to me, the person who's actually trying to _learn_ Chinese, we'd be there already!' Ranma yelled in her head. 'And maybe this place doesn't even exist…'

"Ha ha! Boy, we're here!" Genma exclaimed as he dashed on ahead.

'Huh?' Ranma shook her head. "Wait up, Pops!"

There before them was a valley full of springs, bamboo poles sticking out of the pools at random. A hut with smoke rising from of its chimney stood near the valley's entrance.

"There it is… the legendary training grounds of Jusenkyo!" Genma exclaimed. "Follow me, BOY!"

The two walked to the hut just in time to see a portly Jusenkyo guide come out.

"Ooh… Welcome to Jusenkyo," he said in a Mandarin accent. "What customers here for? Show you Jusenkyo, yes?"

"I have come to cure my SON of his girlishness…" Genma stated.

"Hey!" Ranma piped up. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh… have Jusenkyo curse already? No recognize you." The guide scratched his head.

"Yes, my son is a girl," Genma stated. "Cure him!"

"So you know of Jusenkyo? I-"

"Just show it… NOW! I don't care how! Do it NOW!" Genma interrupted.

"Jeez, you're rude, Pops…" Ranma shook her head in shame.

Genma grabbed the guide by the shirt. "DO IT NOW!"

"… This way…" the guide said, causing Genma to release him.

"What are you guys talking about, anyway… Hey!" Ranma shrieked as Genma picked her up.

"This Spring Drowned Man. It cure Spring Drowned Girl curse," the guide stated.

"Put me down, old man!" Ranma shouted.

"Gladly." Genma smirked and threw Ranma in.

*Splash*

"What did you do THAT for?" Ranma shouted. "Huh…?"

Ranma's mind raced as he was in cold water and male.

"Yes! My son is cured! Now…" Genma was cut off by…

*Boot to the head* by Ranma.

"Stupid Pops!" Ranma growled. "What happened? Why am I a boy in cold water? _What_ is going on? And what do you mean I was cursed?"

"Not anymore!" Genma shouted with glee. "Now I have a true son! You are cured of turning into a girl! Never have to worry about turning into that weak, wimpy, redhead girl!"

Ranma's mind flashed as what the elder Saotome said sank in. His own father… killed half of him… his girl half. Never was he to be a girl again, never to have the chance to grow up, to be a woman. It was gone from him… He was now only a he… never a she again.

The realization left Ranma unresponsive to the world; like a rag doll, he was carried off by his father.

In the ten-year-old's mind, however, wheels started to turn as a tiny bit of logic worked its way through the shock even as his face remained stuck in neutral.

'Spring of Drowned Man? It makes me a man… But I was a girl… I was cursed already? What was that about? Cure… Curse… Hundreds of springs… How do… Girl… I was cursed to be a girl? How? What? I don't care! I was always like that! I liked that part of me! That's what happened! Oh, I'm gonna get him! That stupid… Wait… If I was cursed then cured… Aha!' Ranma broke out of Genma's grip asked the guide, "Where is the Spring of Drowned Girl?"

"Ah, Mr. Customer." He pointed towards the entrance to the valley. "There, first spring to right, enter valley. Why you want-"

"Thanks!" Ranma dashed off before he could finish.

"… To know?" the guide sighed.

"Hey!" Genma stood up, grin disappearing. "Boy! What are you doing?"

*Splash*

"I'm a girl now, Pops!" Ranma blew a raspberry. "Suck on that!"

"Boy! I spent ten years looking to cure you and this is what you do?" Genma growled. "You curse yourself again?"

Ranma got out and shook the water out of her hair. "It's who I am! I'm dual-gendered, Pops! It's what makes me special! Mom said so!"

'How does he remember THAT?' Genma clenched his jaw. 'No matter, I'll just have to cure him again!'

"Uh, sirs?" the guide spoke up. "Very bad if you fall in spring!"

*Splash*

"Haha!" Genma laughed. "I cured you again!"

"Damn you, old man!" Ranma scowled. "Hey! Is that a one-yen piece?"

"Where?" Genma looked around.

*Splash*

"Sirs! Very bad! No anger Jusenkyo!" The guide started to panic. "If cure four times, you die!"

"Nyehh!" Ranma stuck her tongue out.

"Foolish boy!" Genma yelled.

"Customers! Please! No!" The guide tried in vain to get them to listen. "No mess with Jusenkyo!"

*Splash*

"Stop this nonsense, boy. You're cured, let's go," Genma snarled.

"But you're trying to kill half of me!" Ranma yelled as he got out. "Look! Mom!"

"Where?" Genma panicked and unintentionally allowed Ranma to escape.

*Splash*

"Get out of there!" Genma yelled.

"Nuh uh!" Ranma pouted. "You will try to kill my girl side!"

"Listen! Very, VERY bad if cured again!" the guide pleaded.

"Get out of there!" Genma yelled.

"Make me!" Ranma crossed her arms.

"One!" Genma yelled.

"If you come in, YOU'LL be cursed!" Ranma smirked.

"No mess with Jusenkyo!" the guide yelled. "Something really, really BAD happen!"

Genma smirked and brought out an envelope of photos. "BOY! This is all the photos of you and your mother! Come out or I'll burn them."

"Wait… How the hell did you get those?" Ranma yelled.

Genma took out a photo and showed it to Ranma.

"I noticed this one was missing from my gi yesterday, and so I searched your stuff for it. What a surprise to see that you kept EVERY photo that I took and that I thought I'd destroyed." Genma took out a few more. "Photos of your mother, of you… No wonder you remembered you had one. I should have known. Now, HOW you managed to keep these from me, I don't know, but now… I have you trapped."

Ranma's face fell and shock washed over her. "No… no… no, no, NO!"

"YES!" Genma smirk grew. "But perhaps that's too mean… I should just throw these into the Spring of Drowned Man…"

Ranma started to cry. "No! No…"

Genma turned his back and walked towards the Spring of Drowned Man.

"Why you no listen to me!" The Jusenkyo guide brought his hands up in frustration and left for his hut to find some way to save Ranma's life.

"You… you MONSTER!" Ranma yelled through her tears.

Genma stopped but didn't turn around. "I have a freak for a son…"

"Please… stop… please…" Ranma pleaded.

"Like a weak girl?" Genma snarled. "I don't think so… you… LOSE!"

Genma's laugh echoed throughout the valley as he made his way to the Spring of Drowned Man.

"I… I…" Ranma's tears grew in number. "You win… I'm getting out…"

Genma smirked as he heard his son, who dared to be a girl, leave the spring.

"Want these, boy?" Genma asked.

"Yes," Ranma answered quietly.

"Then go get them!" Genma threw the photos at the spring.

Ranma's eyes widened as time seemed to slow down.

The little ten-year-old girl ran as fast as she could towards the spring, hoping to get the photos in time.

Genma watched with a devious smile as the photos fell downward towards the spring, rotating slowly.

"NoOoo…" Ranma yelled in slo-mo as she leapt off her feet.

*Splash* She fell in.

*Plop* But the photos fell onto the grass next to it, pushed out of the way by Ranma's tiny hands.

*Thump* *Thump* Ranma's heart thumped as he surfaced.

Genma picked the distraught Ranma up when he noticed his son's eyes twitch.

"AHHH!" Ranma screamed as his heart started to fail on him.

"Ranma?" Genma didn't know what was going on as Ranma clutched his chest.

That's when the guide came out of his hut. "Aiyah! He dying! Why you no listen! Bring here now!"

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'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' The guide rummaged through his cabinet as Ranma spasmed again. 'Aha! Ancient Incan potions! Good thing Grandfather left a way to do this…'

"What's going on!" a panicking Genma threatened. "What's happening to my son?"

"I told you no cure four times!" the guide yelled in frustration. "You no listen! Jusenkyo kill him now!"

Genma stayed quiet and dropped to his knees in shock.

'Now… extract of female, of male, Spring of Drowned Man… and Drowned Girl… and Spring of Drowned Twins…' The guide used his casks of Jusenkyo water to fill a goblet from the Bermuda Triangle.

He poured in the extract of female human.

*Poof* A pink cloud poofed above the goblet.

He poured in the extract of male human.

*Poof* Another pink cloud appeared over the goblet.

"Here you go, drink this…" The guide brought over the goblet to Ranma. "Answer, though… what are you, male or female?"

Ranma had blood coming from his mouth but he was able to whisper an answer. "Both… I was born that way…"

The guide gave him the goblet and he drank it up, all of it.

"Mmm…" Ranma smiled. "Tasty…"

That's when he fell back down onto the futon.

Genma finally reacted to the outside world again. "What… what happened?"

"I don't know. It work, yes?" the guide observed. "No use before, very risky…"

"Ack!" His throat was choked by Genma's hand.

"He'd better survive…" Genma brought the guide up in the air, causing his feet to dangle. "Got it?"

The guide nodded as Genma let him go.

The guide crumpled to the ground. "*Cough* You should no do that… *cough* Very bad if…"

But Genma was already gone.

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Ranma awoke only a few minutes later, head throbbing and heart pounding.

'What happened?' Ranma got up and stretched. 'I feel weird…'

Looking up, Ranma saw a mirror and gazed into it.

'Wait… I'm… I'm!'

A redheaded girl stared back.

"How is this possible?" Ranma checked EVERYWHERE on her body to be sure. "How am I a girl again? I thought…"

"*Cough* It work!" The wobbly guide got to his feet. "Grandfather cure work!"

"You did this?" Ranma clenched her head, trying to remember. "Thank you…"

"No mention…" The guide was helped up by the girl. "I no use before. Not know if work."

"Well, thanks anyway… I thought I was dying back there…"

"You were… Jusenkyo no like people be cured. Very bad if happen four times," the guide explained. "Very lucky Grandfather go to Peru…"

"Thanks… I got to be a girl again…" Ranma breathed deeply. "But… how will I stop Pops from doing it again?"

"No worry. You is triple cursed; I no think Jusenkyo work on you," the guide stated. "Not sure…"

"Well, I have an idea. Do you have hot water?" Ranma asked.

"Oh… Trick bald man?" The guide got a kettle.

"Yeah…" Ranma smirked. "That."

*Splash* Water poured over Ranma's head but it took an extra second to change into male.

"Something's off…" Ranma noted. "It was slower than usual. I mean, it was quick, but it didn't start right away."

"Hmmm… It might be different… No, no… never do this before." The guide stroked his chin. "Do you… like curse?"

"Well, I didn't know it _was_ one… I like being a girl… I… It's hard… I think of myself as both. Kinda hard to explain…" Ranma sighed. "Why are you staring like that?"

"Aiyah! You girl now! Very peculiar…" The guide looked for the instructions of the brew that saved Ranma's life. "Hmm… Grandfather… said it work by… Ooh…"

"What?" Ranma asked, shocked that she was a she. "What does it say?"

"You say you female and male, yes?" the guide asked.

"… Yes…" Ranma answered, curious.

"You both… Magic in you… very peculiar… Think of you as male," the Jusenkyo guide requested.

"Okay…" Ranma did as she was told and was shocked to be a he. "I can… I…"

"You change yourself. Hmm… Try and stay male, yes?" The portly Chinese man then grabbed a cup of water and threw it at Ranma.

Ranma thought of staying a boy and the water hit, but Ranma remained a he.

"I can… I…" Ranma smiled and changed into a girl and then a boy and then a girl again. "I'm in charge of my own life…"

Tears fell from her eyes. "Th- thank you… I… I love you."

The guide was shocked to be hugged so affectionately by the little redhead girl.

"You… you're welcome…" the Jusenkyo guide said simply. 'Is this what having a daughter feel like? Oh, I hope my wife is well… I hate that she has to be in the village of women warriors while pregnant…'

"Now…" Ranma smirked and wiped her eyes as she became a he. "I need to keep it that way. Which way is Japan?"

"Oh? Running away? Are sure not go somewhere safe? I have better idea," the guide stated.

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Ranma came out of the hut, looking left and right to determine where Genma was.

Not seeing him, he let go of the breath he held and looked instead for the Spring of Drowned Man, or, more importantly, the photos near it.

He found it easily, much to his relief, and put the pictures in his pack.

Unfortunately, that's when Genma appeared with a pig.

"BOY!" he shouted. "You're alive…"

Ranma growled. "Yes; yes, I am…"

"You don't turn into a weak girl… do you?" he asked, scowling.

Ranma fumed. "You jerk! You killed half of me!"

"Good…" Genma smiled. "Now that you've complied, maybe I'll let you eat…"

A furious Ranma followed his father as they made it back to the guide's hut.

"Now, BOY!" Genma smiled just saying it. "Since we have finally cured you, we can now go home and… Think fast!"

*Splash* Genma threw his water at Ranma.

Ranma braced for it and thought on staying male.

"… Good… You told the truth… He is cured." Genma smirked. "You may eat tonight."

Ranma narrowed his eyes. 'Soon, old man… Soon….'

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That night, while his father slept, Ranma snuck away into the darkness. He headed up the path the Jusenkyo guide told him about, remembering to take the letter he'd been given to deliver to the people he would meet.

The guide said he'd cover for Ranma by making it look like he'd run away towards the coast, the opposite direction.

A note of peace explaining Ranma's story was included in the letter that was to be given to the night watch in the village.

Since he was told to be a she when he arrived, five hours later, Ranma turned into a girl upon seeing the gates to the village of women warriors.

She gave the approaching guard the letter and waited nervously for the verdict.

"So… you speak Japanese?" the guard asked.

"Yes…" Ranma answered, "I am from Japan."

"Follow me."

Ranma obeyed and followed her just as the sun was starting to rise.

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**Author's notes:** wow… is that good for you? I hope so… this… this made tuatara leap for joy… or something… like that… well, I like it anyway… a Ranma who can change genders at will… that will make Herm happy… or is it Hir? Stupid pronouns… Thanks for reading, until next time… I am the Text!


	12. Learning how to Arc Y11

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** this may end up being stereotypical and racist to Chinese readers. Understand that it was completely unintentional and if you have any complaints, send them to Rumiko. Since she made this… the series that's it's based off of, not the fanfic. Why would she write a fanfic anyway?

**Caution:** people who hate Shampoo may find this torturous. Reader discretion is UN-advised. Suck it up, you wimps. I mean, come on! Why hate an 11-year-old girl who just happens to be Chinese? You racist scum. I am appalled to be your Text… so just read… or not… I don't care anymore…

**Reviews:** are appreciated. And edible... hero in a cup, what do you mean? And is it a good thing or a bad thing... I thought it was spelled out well... realm, SHHHH! DON'T GIVE Telinú IDEAS! raw666, oh, you'll see that alright... oh you will... but, if you remember... one already told her opinion on it... DarkRubberNeck, WHAT? No... no, no, no... Genma likes pigs, so he got one. Ryoga has no reason to go to Jusenkyo at this time... besides, it was a PIG not a PIGLET... Wrin, k.

You have been warned…

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**Year 11 or V & VI**

"Shampoo get you, RED!" Shampoo yelled as she chased a female Ranma with her colorful Chinese maces that were certainly not lanterns in hand.

"Hey, your Japanese is improving!" Ranma laughed as she playfully ran from Shampoo.

"Red no mock Shampoo!" Shampoo screamed as she tried to catch up.

Ranma giggled. ^But why not?^ she spoke in Mandarin. ^It's fun!^

Shampoo growled. ^Just like it's fun to try and set me up with Mousse?^

Ranma laughed. ^Oh, lighten up… Besides, he paid me to do it…^

^WHAT?^ Shampoo's fury escalated. ^MOUSSE PAID YOU TO GET ME ON A DATE WITH HIM?^

^Yep!^ Ranma smiled, not fazed at all by her friend's outburst. ^He said he'll make me one of those hidden weapon thingy bags…^

^**MOUSSE!**^ Shampoo screamed in outrage.

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"Oh, Mousse!" Ranma called out as she arrived at Mousse's home. "I've come for my bag!"

Mousse growled as he appeared. "It didn't go quite as planned." He rubbed the top of his head.

"Hey! A deal's a deal!" Ranma complained. "Besides, that was five minutes longer than your best! You owe me!"

Mousse sighed. "Fine… here you go."

Ranma accepted the knapsack given to her.

"Ooh… thanks Mousse!" Ranma hugged Mousse tightly. "It's so cute!"

Mousse shivered. "Will you stop that?"

Ranma let go. "What's your problem?"

^It's… the… you know… uh…^ Mousse stumbled with his words.

Ranma sighed. "It's the whole…" Ranma switched sexes. "… 'Also a guy' thing…" He switched into a she again. "Right?"

"… Yeah… that…" Mousse shivered again.

"Jeez, men…" Ranma shook her head. "Can't appreciate a cute little redhead like me once they find out I'm dual gendered. Makes them feel weird…"

"It's not like that!" Mousse argued. "Shampoo… It's… I… You know…"

"Ri-i-i-ght…" Ranma smiled. "You just like her accent…"

"We're both Chinese!" Mousse yelled.

"Oh… right… Forgot about that…" Ranma scratched the back of her head. "I have a hard time telling the difference, you know… It doesn't help that we were able to pass for twins during the twin festival with just a wig…"

Mousse's glasses fogged up. "I thought I was in heaven…"

Ranma giggled and looked over her bag.

It was divided into two colors with the top opening up with a drawstring. The back was black and the front that everyone could see was red with a red and black yin-yang symbol in the middle of a multicolored dragon.

"Ooh! I love it, Mousse!" Ranma hugged Mousse affectingly again. "Thank you…"

"Gah!" Mousse felt weird again.

"Oh, lighten up…" Ranma let go. Looking up at Mousse, Ranma groaned. "Man, it's no fair! Why am I so short?"

"Ranma…" Mousse readjusted his glasses. "We've been over this…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Ranma cut him off. "You're tall for your age and Shampoo is in puberty already and the magical thing is messing with my hormones and it'll take a year to sort them out... Blah, blah, blah… It still sucks though."

Mousse sighed. "Well, the good news is that I've been told that your father has been spotted leaving China…"

He was knocked over by a fast-moving Ranma. "What?" she asked dumbly on top of him. "You mean I can go now?"

Mousse coughed and regained his breath. "I think so… You have to talk with the old monkey to be sure…"

That's when he realized that he was talking to air.

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"Old Ghoul! Is-it-true-I-can-go-home-now? Huh? Huh?" Ranma asked in rapid-fire fashion, waiting anxiously for an answer.

*Bop* Cologne's staff smacked the redhead on her skull.

"Who're you calling an old ghoul?" Cologne cracked a smile, however. "Repeat what you said, young one. My ears aren't as good as they used to be. And slow down!"

Ranma took a few short breaths. "Is it safe to go home now?"

Cologne's eyebrow rose. "If you mean that you are safe from your father… then yes. It appears so. The real question is… are you ready to be on your own until you find your mother?"

"Of course I am! I even know where she is!" Ranma threw her arms in the air. "At least I know where my home is, and I've sent postcards… I don't know if she's there… but…"

"Yes, I know, young one…" Cologne sighed. "It appears that I can't stop you… nor should I. How is your Mandarin coming along, by the way?"

^Piece of cake, I've been in China 603 days… and in this village for 238 days… It was nothing I couldn't handle. Didn't your great-granddaughter tell you I passed the test?^ Ranma asked.

^My, my, you kept track?^ Cologne chuckled. ^No, she didn't. I fear that her ego was too sore due to Mousse learning Japanese faster than her.^

"Heh heh… Mousse…" Ranma laughed. "So I can leave for home?"

"You may," Cologne answered. "There is a boat that can take you to Japan. Just follow this map."

Ranma accepted it with a bow. "Thank you… I… Is it fast enough? I… I… *sniff* I want to see my mom on my birthday… It's only 19 days away…"

Cologne placed a hand upon Ranma's shoulder. "Do not worry, child. You will make it in time."

*Glomp* The redhead ensnared Cologne.

^Thank you… you crazy woman, you… Thanks for everything…^ Ranma cried.

^You're welcome. Remember, you can visit anytime,^ Cologne sighed. ^Now, shoo! Pack your bags. You don't want to keep your mother waiting, do you?^

Ranma let go and showed Cologne her bag from Mousse. "_Bag_… and it was totally worth it!"

Cologne rubbed her forehead. "Mousse?"

"Mousse." Ranma nodded. "See ya!"

And with that, she left to pack her bag and return to her home that she hadn't seen in years.

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**Author's notes:** yes, Ranma knows the language and yes, Shampoo knows Ranma is also a boy. It's just that she nicknames her Red like in canon Akane is Kitchen Destroyer and Ukyo is Spatula Girl. Thanks tuatara and Kris Leena for doing this 'editing thing' it helps a lot. Now, time to meet Nodoka! Yay!


	13. Y12

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** crying probable ahead. Bring Kleenex, not tissues… except Puffs… they're plushy. ^_^

**Caution:** some things may gross you out. If it does, the trashcan is to your left. The left!

**Reviews:** are off the scale! Bree R, oh no… you did NOT just underestimate Noy, did you? Telinú I can understand… crazy person and all… but Noy's ability to go WAY deeper? Uh oh… yeah, this isn't going to end well… or was it your plan to challenge Noy in order to get even more? Oh you're good. Still, Ranma is only 11 (now 12) the young pigtailed hero hasn't even hit puberty! So, relax, things will get much more complicated eventually. And if you doubt, just read Ranma, the Mutant Catgirl. Richard Ryley, oh good. I don't know how people get offended since I'm not them… realm, I know THAT, Noy Knows that, but now you've given Telinú an idea that was missed due to not paying attention. Will Ranma be able to? I don't know! But you submitted the idea now so… maybe? It was a no until you mentioned it… -_-' hero in a cup, Maybe, I don't know, probably… it is written, not edited, up to year 15… so… perhaps? Wrin, Yeah, Noy tends to do that a lot when typing. I blame the over specific AATBF. Too many complaints about that. Why me? You've supported the idea… oh no… well, if you really want to see two Ranmas, there will be a fic about it, I can guarantee it now… authority02, k.

**Thanks!:** to tuatara and Kris Leena. –Love the Text!

**Merry:** Easter! Tweet! tweet!

You have been warned…

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**Year 12 or I by II by VI**

Rain fell hard upon all of Tokyo at 1:17 in the afternoon. Thick fog covered the area. A lone figure with red hair trod through the rain anyway, a solemn look upon her face.

"Happy birthday *sniff* to me..." Ranma let a tear fall down her face as she walked in the rain of northern Tokyo. "Happy Birthday… to me… It's your birthday, *sniff* dear Ranma. *cry* Where is Moma, Ranma?"

A small smile flashed across Ranma's face before disappearing again.

*Crack BOOM* Lightning illuminated her features in the street.

Ranma sighed. 'Of course I wouldn't know the layout of Tokyo. How am I supposed to find Mom?'

[Nerima Ward] a sign read.

'Is this it?' Ranma asked herself. 'Why can't I remember the address? Argg!'

Just as she was about to give up trying to find her mother until the rain stopped, an older female voice called out up ahead.

"A young lady like you shouldn't be out in the rain without an umbrella," she spoke out from under one. "Where is your home, miss?"

Ranma looked up and saw the woman ahead and sighed, unable to make out much besides her being in very traditional dress.

"I don't know where my home is," Ranma admitted, unable to keep from crying. "I haven't been in Tokyo in ten years."

"Ten years?" The woman was shocked as she came closer, using the bamboo umbrella to protect both of them from the rain. "Where were you if not home for all this time?"

"On the road…" Ranma explained, not looking up at her face and not noticing that the rain wasn't pounding anymore. "With my father. My mom lives here somewhere… I can't remember where. And it's too wet to look in my bag for the address."

"Do you know her name?" the woman asked, voice rising and filled with anxiety and concern.

"Yeah… Nodoka Saotome." Ranma looked up to see the shocked face of the older woman.

*Krack BOOM* The flash of lightning revealed their faces to each other.

**"MOM?"** Ranma could recognize her mother anywhere.

**"RANMA?"** Nodoka could recognize those eyes anywhere.

The rain stopped suddenly and the sun peaked through the clouds.

It was a happy birthday after all….

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"Oh, my baby!" Nodoka cried with her daughter inside the Saotome home. "I thought I lost you to Genma. I haven't heard from him in over a year and a half. He said that he got rid of your female half. What happened?"

"Moma?" Ranma cried. "D-i-didn't you get my- my postcards… *sniff* I sent them to the same-ame place Pops did…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie…" Nodoka hugged her daughter tighter. "I had to move from our old home right after that last postcard from your father. I couldn't pay the bills for a place that large. But I'm here with you now. How did you get here, anyway?"

Ranma then told her mom about her adventures, how she traveled the world, ate hunny, pulled Genma's weight around; how she met Ukyo, met Kaori, met Shampoo; what she did at Jusenkyo; pretty much everything major that happened, including the one bright spot of the father/daughter breakfast in America. The only thing left out was the Nekoken. She didn't even want to THINK about _that_.

"Shh… You're safe now, my daughter," Nodoka soothed Ranma as she cried her eyes out telling her tale. "Let it out…"

"I… I… I-I didn't *sniff* th-think that I-I-I… I was gonna see you on my-my-my birthday… *cry* I miise-ed-ed you, Moma." Ranma tried wiping away her tears, to no avail. "Did yo-o-u-uuu miss me too? *sniff*"

"Of course I did." Nodoka's face was wet with tears as well. "I missed you every day that you were gone. It tore me apart for you to leave. I thought… I-I… that… that I would never be able to hold my daughter in my arms again."

"Then… the-n-n why did… *sniff* did you have Pops take-take *hic* me awa-a-away?" Ranma clenched her mother tighter. "Why?"

Nodoka pressed her daughter against her body so that she not see her face. "I didn't want to have him take you… but he convinced me it was the right thing to do… Once the postcards started coming… I… I felt awful. But there was no way I could get to you. Or even contact you… so… I just prayed and hoped that he'd return you home for your 12th birthday… *sniff* I guess he did do it after all…"

"I still love you, Mom." Ranma grabbed her mother's face. "You-u still lo-o-o-v-ve m-mm-mee?"

*Kiss*… on the cheek from mother to daughter.

"What kind of question is that?" Nodoka smiled. "Of course I do…"

Ranma giggled despite it all. "I know…"

Nodoka couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Mom…" Ranma asked as she snuggled with Nodoka. "Why were you carrying a sword?"

"Ever since I realized your father wouldn't uphold his end of our agreement, I've been learning how to use a katana… " Nodoka grabbed the Saotome blade. "This is our family sword, Ranma. And it will be used to be sure your father is honorable."

"… Are you gonna kill Pops, Moma?" Ranma asked quietly.

Nodoka sighed. "I will merely be his second as he commits seppuku."

"But… but why?" Ranma was confused. "I know Pops is mean… and almost killed me a lot of times… but…"

"He failed to make you a woman among women," Nodoka answered. "He tried to kill my daughter instead."

"But… but I'm still growing! I can be a woman among women!" Ranma pleaded. "I know how to do it!"

Nodoka couldn't help but smile. "And I feel that you will. But your father didn't do anything to help. You did that all on your own. And I'm proud of you for it."

"But… but Pops!" Ranma squirmed. "I… I don't want him to die…"

Nodoka realized she wasn't going to get anywhere with her daughter. "Don't worry about it… He's not here and I won't go looking for him… Besides… I doubt he wants to die anyway. How am I supposed to help him if he refuses? I'm no match for your father."

"So you won't kill him, Moma?" Ranma looked up at Nodoka with giant eyes and a quivering lip.

"… No… no, I won't, Ranma…"

"Thank you!" Ranma kissed her mother on the cheek. 'Watching _Bambi_ paid off yet again! Pops better appreciate taking me to America…'

"Now… would you like a cake? I believe it's your birthday…" Nodoka smiled.

"YES!" Ranma felt happier than she had in years.

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'No… Yes! No… Yes! But no!' Ranma's thoughts were conflicted that night as she bathed in the furo. 'I'm growing up! But it's starting to hurt. But so what? I'm finally beginning puberty! But… ow…'

"Ranma?" Nodoka grew concerned as Ranma was still in the furo nineteen minutes after requesting to stay in longer. "Are you alright? Maybe I should- AH!"

Nodoka walked in on Ranma curled up against the side of the furo… that had blood in it.

"Moma?" Ranma cringed a little. "I think I'm starting my… period…"

"That blood is from…" Nodoka wanted to be sure.

Ranma nodded. 'Relax… I've had worse… yeah… Not there, but… it just feels… weird.'

Nodoka embraced her daughter. "You are growing up… I'm so proud of you… but… I didn't think you could…"

Ranma breathed deeply. "I didn't know either… this is the first time this happened. Not as bad as Shampoo said it was, though…"

"Every woman's is different," Nodoka explained. "Now, come out, we need to… OH! And I get to make you a special dinner too! I never thought I would see this day!"

Ranma's eyebrow rose as Nodoka got cheerful. "Moma… you're scaring me."

"Oh, this means you're fertile! What a mother you will make! So what if you're a bit of a late bird… but then it might be because you're a man as well… I wonder what would happen if you were my son in this part of your cycle?" Nodoka kissed Ranma on the cheek. "No matter, we shall figure that out later… My daughter is becoming a woman!"

Ranma sighed as she looked down on the bleeding opening. 'You look terrible right now. And ugly… yet another reason to be glad I'm a boy too. Oh, Kami-sama, please don't cause pain as a boy as well! I mean, it's not that bad, but… it's very annoying right now… And Shampoo said it lasts four or five days! And now I'm feeling cramps… arggg!'

"Oh dear… I never got to talk to you about your body…" Nodoka suddenly smiled. "Oh well, no time like the present…"

Ranma whimpered and for the first time she didn't want to be a girl for a while.

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**Author's notes:** and they are reunited… yay! And Ranma started her period… odd… well Ranma knows which days to be a guy; at least… growing up dual gendered must be rough… at least things are looking up. Ranma will NOT be a girl full time. Noy told me to yell this. Maybe she's compensating for having such a rough life? Or maybe just trying to learn how to be a lady for her mom? Beats me. I don't know what's next, but, I'm the Text!


	14. Y13

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** insanity ahead, also, gender segregation, school, and dual-ness of gender. The Text warns you.

**Caution:** you should roll your eyes and such to exercise them. This is getting to be a long story…

**Reviews:** doo doo dee doo… I'm a reading the reviews… hero in a cup, I knew it! And by knowing it I mean had absolutely no idea. Not a secret anymore, then. Wonder no more! Or wonder some more… Um… Hmm… Bree R, Huh? Stereotypical? How is… what is… huh? Layers though… yeah I understand that, once again, I blame this on the way it's working out… you see… these snippets into Ranma's life were just basic "This is what happens" idea that were all written spontaneously one after the other. The layers… that will have to wait until May… Noy said that the plot really doesn't thicken until after year 15, where things aren't as they appear. And believe me, everything will be a lot more complicated. Think of this… as someone telling you their life story… telling everything and the deeper parts aren't that easy; this is a gloss over on life with the holes in the story probably for the imagination AND to mess with you later. I know Noy and this will be twisted into a pretzel and eaten. And by stereotypical I think you mean predicable. If so, then yes… FOR NOW! O.O Richard Ryley, Of course people do, heck, when I see a bending of gender the first thing I think of is, Can it reproduce? That's what Noy WANTS YOU TO THINK! Wrin, I was ordered to clear this up… Ranma can change genders at will. Water WILL NOT WORK. Noy cut the explaining out because it was assumed that you could figure it out… and Noy is trying to balance telling and leaving out. Jokulmorder, yeah, Noy doesn't like useless details… so unemotional. Telinú keeps it balanced. I don't know, I'm not writing myself. I can't see the future. All I can say is… maybe? Ask Noy. L. Awesome, 3 things… one, AATBF kind of messed with Noy's writing style by being what Noy DOESN'T want, things taking forever with endless descriptions that are boring. So, it won't get too description-al since Noy thinks it's a waste of time and Telinú has stopped trying. Two, yes, this part is supposed to irritate you and leave you with a ton of questions, it's bare boned for a reason… a reason that Telinú keeps a secret. Three, Ha! There IS a lot of effort and mental time put into this. Everyone just needs patience. The bigger plot will reveal itself. I trust Noy. Oh and Noy Telinú hates the random Japanese stuff too.

**Thanks!:** tuatara and Kris Leena for editing stuff like this… again.

You have been warned….

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**Year 13 or II and V and VI**

Ranma groaned as he sat with Nodoka at the table. "Mom… school? Really?"

"Yes, son." Nodoka sipped her tea. "You have had a year to catch up and I feel that you are advanced enough to go to school this year."

Ranma sighed. "If you think so, Mom… It's just… I haven't been to school in years. Not to mention what do I do about my gender?"

"Oh, that," Nodoka dismissed the issue. "With your father in Tokyo again, you'll just go as a girl to an all-girls school. He won't think of looking for you there."

'Damn you, Pops!' Ranma put his head in his hands. "So if he's here, why should I go to school?"

"Because you should," Nodoka answered. "You need an education. Besides, don't you want to be around people your own age?"

"That would be nice… *sigh* I just never had a friend who was a boy… **ever**… Weird… Except Mousse… but that's… Mousse… and it's iffy. Besides, isn't it expensive for an all-girls school?" Ranma asked. "Or do you plan on selling the gold?"

"No, no…" Nodoka sipped her tea again. "The gold is for a ring for whomever you marry. It still amazes me how you kept it from your father… Never mind that; I made an agreement with the head of a wealthy family. You get to go to school paid for by him, and all you have to do is make friends with his daughter."

"… Oh, all right… but because I'm going to be a girl at school, I'll be a boy at home most of the time." Ranma let out his breath. "Who do I have to befriend?"

"Kodachi Kuno," Nodoka answered. "She is a martial arts rhythmic gymnast. You could join the team… Now… about your name… which do you like best? You know which one I like…."

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'The things I do for Moma…' Ranma sighed as she walked to the Kuno mansion. 'At least the uniform is comfortable. Whoa. A limo… Is that girl her? I'll just wait a bit…'

"Father!" Kodachi called out as the limo drove away, "No!"

"Take care of your sister, Tachi!" the Kuno patriarch waved as he left. "Remember to have a haircut, yeah!"

Tatewaki Kuno, kendo mask pushed up on his forehead, simply nodded, although some anger seeped through.

Both Kuno siblings didn't say a word after the limo moved out of sight. Ranma stood back, unsure of what to do.

She didn't have a choice of avoidance any longer as they turned to face her.

"Um… hi there!" Ranma sweatdropped. "My name is Ranko Saotome… Sorry about this…"

"So, you are the one my father has hired," Tatewaki Kuno stated. "Unfortunately, due to my inability to be there for my sister, you will take care of her needs and protect her from harm. Do you have fighting experience?"

Kodachi butted in. "While I do not need help, there is safety in numbers. If you are to be my bodyguard, you must defeat my brother in combat."

"No problem," Ranko smirked. 'Alright, familiar area.' "I'm the best…"

"Such fire! Have at thee!" Tatewaki Kuno attacked.

"Whoa! I don't get one?" Ranko dodged the strikes easily, however. "How is that fair?"

"Life is not fair!" Tatewaki Kuno struck forward, though he still held back.

"So, you wouldn't mind this, then?" Ranko dove between Tatewaki Kuno's legs and kicked him in the back, sending him to the ground.

Standing on top of his head, Ranko looked into his eyes. "Good enough?"

Kodachi answered instead. "Well enough, peasant. You may escort me to school."

"Hey, I'm no peasant!" Ranko yelled.

"Peasant, poor person, same thing," Kodachi dismissed the anger. "Now, escort me."

Ranko rolled her eyes and followed anyway, leaving Tatewaki behind.

"… Amazing…" he voiced as he got up after the girls left.

He left in the other direction, towards a junior high school with a certain blue-haired martial artist…

Not that either girl noticed.

"So, Kodachi…" Ranko began, playing with her pigtail as they walked to school, "My mom said that you practice martial arts rhythmic gymnastics…"

"Yes, I, Kodachi Kuno, Black Rose of St. Bridget Junior High, am captain of the martial arts rhythm gymnastics team." Kodachi struck a pose. "What is it to you?"

"I don't know… maybe I should join? I'm supposed to be your bodyguard…" Ranko shrugged. 'Not that I was told that… but at least I might get into fights again… I need practice.'

"Hmm… what an ingenious idea! Very well, then. What experience do you have?" Kodachi asked.

Ranko put her hands behind her back. "Um… none? I'm a fast learner, though."

"Then we must go to the gym at once!" Kodachi raised her arm to the sky. "No bodyguard of the Black Rose should be deficient in rhythmic gymnastics of the martial arts variety! Oh ho ho hoho!"

Ranko suppressed a shudder and followed Kodachi as she laughed her way to school.

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"Welcome, students, to seventh grade at St Bridget Junior High," the teacher stated as she held a clipboard. "While most of you came from the same school, and therefore know each other well, I'll not force you to make introductions. However, Miss Saotome did not attend St. Sexburga Elementary, so please, introduce yourself to the rest of us."

Ranko, a little tired after spending the time before class learning rhythmic gymnastics, nodded and stood.

"My name is Ranko Saotome; I lived on the road for ten years with my father before returning home to my mother. I am a martial artist and was hired to be Kodachi Kuno's bodyguard, so I'm now on the martial arts rhythmic gymnastics team." Ranko sat. 'There… vague enough on my past so nothings happens…'

"…" The entire class was silent and in shock.

At last, Kodachi spoke up. "It appears that class won't continue for today. May I, Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose, be excused with my bodyguard so that she may guard my body?"

The teacher shook herself out of her stupor. "No… we… *cough* Let's begin class… shall we?"

"Very well." Kodachi tossed her head back, bangs bouncing. "Shall I go next as to introduce myself to all?"

"AHHH!" The rest of the students who Ranko didn't know panicked. "NO! IT'S FINE!"

"No, I must insist." Kodachi stood. "I, Kodachi Kuno, Black Rose of St Bridget Junior High, am a sophisticated member of the Kuno clan, which…"

The teacher sat in her chair in defeat, a sigh escaping her lips.

"… Is the wealthiest and oldest clan in all of northern Tokyo. I am skilled in many different fields and am practically perfect in every way," Kodachi laughed. "As captain of our martial arts rhythmic gymnastics team, I brought in Ranko Saotome to be my bodyguard. She is to protect me from the forces of evil that plague Tokyo, but especially from our archenemy to the south…"

The students groaned and banged their heads on their desks while Ranko looked at Kodachi with a raised eyebrow.

"… Which are evil enough to hire thugs to attack me, Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St Bridget Junior High. Therefore, I shall allow Ranko Saotome a spot on the team to shield me against our enemies, who are obviously evil." Kodachi shook her head. "Such heinous acts have been committed against the Kuno females for generations, but I shall not let it happen to me as it did my mother. With my brains and amazing skill combined with my bodyguard's martial arts cunning, there shall be no chance that St. Bridget Junior High will lose… ever! Oh ho ho hoho!"

Ranko's other eyebrow rose.

"Miss Kuno, are you done yet?" the teacher seamed to be begging.

"Not in the slightest. However, as school is very important, the abridged version will have to do for today." Kodachi sat down.

"Anyone else want to…?" the teacher asked.

Everyone else in the classroom shook their heads.

"Good," the teacher sighed. "Now, open your books to the beginning."

The girls reluctantly did as they were told as class started.

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"That was an odd day…" Ranko shook her head as she and Kodachi walked towards the Kuno mansion.

"I agree… It is unusual for the muffin button to be out of order." Kodachi stroked her chin. "This has left my appetite unsated. Bodyguard! I need sustenance!"

"Do you have ta call me that?" Ranko sighed. "Well… we could… Aha! Follow me, I have an idea!"

Ranko led Kodachi into the nearby ice cream parlor.

"Ice cream cures all," Ranko smiled. 'And I need to practice…'

"Order me chocolate fudge. Here is enough money for it." Kodachi then turned and headed for a booth.

"Time to go to work…" Ranko smiled evilly.

"May I take your ord-der?" a scrawny teenage boy asked from behind the counter.

'Piece of cake…' Ranko widened her eyes and narrowed her mouth, ready for a trembling voice. "Ah, hell-o-oO-o there… um… Ooha… There are many to choose from… I don't know if I can pick just one… Can you?"

"Um… err… this one is good…" He started sweating.

Ranko manipulated her voice more. "Ahrah… OK... I don't know if it's right… Oh no… my mistress… she… she wants chocolate fudge… or I'll be whipped again… But… I… I don't know which one it is!"

Ranko faked tears that flowed down her face.

"AK! Oh… it's this one… Will that be all?" The cashier's heart thumped louder.

"Oh my! Are-are you sure… *cry* I… I'm scared to choose the wrong one… Aiyah!" Ranko trembled even more. "That-that's not the one she said… no! I'm forgetting which one!"

"Err… but… ah… Why not take all of them?" The poor boy was as soaked as person on a river raft ride.

"Really? You'd do that for me?" Ranko smiled. "Thank you… You're so smart… I wouldn't have figured that out on my own… This… is all the money I *sniff* I have… Is… is it enough? Please?"

"I… err…" The money only covered one and a half scoops, but the teenaged guy couldn't take any more of the redheaded girl's pathetic being and would likely kill himself if he made her suffer for much longer… Sucker. "Yes, yes, it is…"

"Th-thank you! *cry* I… I love you…" Ranko took the ice cream and left.

The poor guy fainted on the spot.

"Here you go, Kodachi." Ranko set all twenty-seven flavors on the table. "Your order as well all the rest of the flavors available. You're welcome."

Kodachi was stunned… and she'd been watching her the whole time. "You… you have a special gift… Thank you for your services today…"

"It's no problem at all," Ranko waved it off. "Getting twenty-six more flavors for free isn't even in my top ten…"

"… Ranko… what do you think of me?" Kodachi asked, shocked at what had happened.

Ranko raised an eyebrow. "I would like to think of you as a friend… Do you want to be my friend?"

Kodachi nodded, eyes watering and head lowered. "A friend would be… nice. No one has ever given me more than I asked… or cared to eat with me… Thank you."

"Thank you for paying for school," Ranko smiled. "And for needing a friend. Want more?"

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed.

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**Author's notes:** yes… Kodachi and Ranma are friends… yep… wow… so… Friends! Whooo! I'm going to go shred myself now… shoot… I can't shred myself online! NOOO! The Text has failed me… which is me! Curse you, me!

**Authour's notes:** *sluuuuuurrrpppp* Ahhh… hi! People seem to say this stuff is going too fast… well… BLAME NOY! I have TONS of cut content that would make this fic over 100,000 words already! But nOooOo… the plot was more important, blah, blah, blah… We need to get to year 16, Blah, Blah, Blah… people would get irritated and bored, Blah, blah, blah… I hate it! This fusion is really pissing me off… I have all of these ideas, but due to Noy trying to make this like a visual… thing, it slows the pace down! It's like that sex scene all over again, only this time Noy is just editing and not distracting me. Noy said it'll be fine… but NOoOoooO… Now everyone will hate it and it'll never be in the Ranma fanfic wiki and I'll never ride a pony and… ooh… pie… *Om nom NOM*


	15. Y14

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** yay! I'm gonna be sick! Kodachi is friendly! Ahhh! Hide your children, hide your children's children, hide your reproductive organs! Hey… since unborn children are people… shouldn't pregnant women not be allowed in an R rated movie? The logic is confusing me! Ahhh! But then again, they are allowed to go because the women allowed them to… the Text is confused!

**Reviews:** are very valuable and appreciated. Thank you. Realm, no… if you paid attention, Ranma won't choose to be a girl forever, so yuri is OUT. I'm 93% certain that it'll be Ranma/girl, though… which one? I have No idea… Wrin, thanks! Telinú is a sucker for praise. Love interests make things fun! ^_^ It's what Ranma is all about, really. alichi, Good news! Noy will be making a Kodachi/Ranma fic and a Nabiki/Ranma fic… eventually. And since Noy likes things to be as close as canon as possible, look for them to be believable. That means, no Akane monster, no Nabiki pays the bills, and absolutely no continuation fics. Except, maybe time travel. Or… something. I… don't… know…

**Caution:** the following is a Kodachi based fanfic chapter, she's in the fic… centrally… played positively. Drink responsibly.

You have been warned….

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**Year 14 or II and III and IV and V**

"Ohh, Kuno!" Ranma smiled as she entered the Kuno mansion. "I'm here!"

"Ranko!" Kuno appeared before her and bowed respectfully. "What brings you by the mansion today?"

"Your sister," Ranko answered. "Where is she? There's a new guy at the cupcake shop…"

"Yes, your cruel manipulation of men…" Kuno nodded knowingly. "My dearest sister is in the garden. I do have to thank you again for your presence. If it weren't for you, I am sure my sister would be deranged and insane."

Ranko rolled her eyes. "You're sweet and all, but your flattering is getting annoying when done daily. Save some for your crush."

"That I shall!" Kuno declared. "Akane Tendo, I come for you!"

Ranma saw Kuno run off and shook her head. "Whoever that Akane is… I pity her."

"Ranma?" Kodachi came into view. "What brings you by on a Sunday?"

Ranma shrugged. "New guy at cupcake shop. You in?"

"Oh ho ho hoho! Cupcakes… the Black Rose shall come!" Kodachi leapt away to her room.

Ranma changed genders. 'Not insane, he says. Yeah, right. She is stable and fun, though.'

"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma…" Kodachi came back down in her gymnastic leotard. "If you said you were going male, I would have worn something more revealing."

"Um… OK?" Ranma scratched his head. "I'm not, however. I was just going to use your toilet…"

"You are the luckiest woman in the world…" Kodachi shook her head. "One thought and you don't have to worry."

"But I _am_ a guy at the moment… Oh, forget it." Ranma headed for the bathroom. 'She won't believe I'm dual gendered, but a girl who turns into a man makes sense for her…'

"If Ranma is male… that means brother dearest is out chasing that Tendo girl…" Kodachi smirked. "Ranma is all mine!"

Crazed laughter echoed throughout the mansion.

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"Son, how was your date with Kodachi today?" Nodoka sipped her tea as the Saotomes ate dinner.

"It wasn't a date!" Ranma corrected. "We were both girls."

"Oh…" Nodoka paused. "So it was a lesbian date? Good for you."

"That's not what I…" Ranma groaned. "It wasn't a date, we just ate cupcakes."

"Aww… a yuri cupcake date!" Nodoka clasped her hands and smiled. "How romantic…"

"Mom…" Ranma whined. "It wasn't a date! Why can't I be with a friend without you thinking it's a date?"

"… Because you gave her gifts," Nodoka rebutted.

Ranma sighed. "They were cupcakes…"

Nodoka sipped her tea. "That you acquired for her with your own… charms."

Ranma sat dumbfounded. "Is that… pride?"

"Of course." Nodoka raised an eyebrow. "Using your womanly charms to gain free food is an art form mastered by the women of the Saotome clan for generations. It dates all the way back to when my great-great-great grandmother used it to survive in the wilderness, conning men out of their food."

"Wait… isn't it… Oh, yeah, Pops married into your family." Ranma nodded in remembrance. "Our ancestors are cheap, though. You'd think Pops was born a Saotome."

"Yes, they are; yes, they are," Nodoka sighed. "They pawned away the medal years ago…"

"Travelling to the grave for nothing…" Ranma saw the anger in his mother's face. "… Except for paying respect to the dead, of course…"

Nodoka's anger subsided. "Of course… Speaking of your Father, he's in Tokyo again…"

"ARRG!" Ranma yelled in anger. "I don't think I'm good enough to beat him yet…"

"Not even with those techniques from the Amazons?" Nodoka asked.

"They're nothing that can make much of a difference… only stamina and strength training. I have to go back to China to get the good ones… and officially join the tribe," Ranma sighed. "Of course, Cologne would want me to marry Shampoo…"

"And you won't…" Nodoka sighed in disappointment.

"I don't want to marry due to laws or stay in the village forever," Ranma explained.

"School starts in two weeks…" Nodoka reminded. "You will have to be a girl for your birthday tomorrow if you wish to invite the Kunos."

"Of course," Ranma stated. "… And it wasn't a date!"

"That's what you want me to think." Nodoka smiled.

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"Mrs. Saotome…" Kodachi bowed. "What a pleasure."

"Likewise." Nodoka bowed. "You may wonder what I am doing here…"

"I'd appreciate if you would tell me, but it is not needed. Please, come in." Kodachi showed Nodoka inside.

"Miss Kuno…" Nodoka was cut off.

"Please, call me Kodachi."

"… Kodachi, how do you feel about Ranma?"

Kodachi was taken aback. "I… What do you mean?"

"Ranma's birthday is tomorrow…" Nodoka stated. "Will you and your brother come? It would be a shame for it to just be me and the doctor…"

"Of course! Ranma shall have the best birthday money can buy!" Kodachi started to laugh.

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to Ranma," Nodoka said with a sigh. "If only I could thank your father… It's been almost two years."

"I don't know Father much…" Kodachi said sadly. "He wasn't around often… I don't even know what he looks like."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Nodoka changed the subject. "What are your feelings towards Ranma?" she reiterated.

"I… You mean to ask such a personal question…" Kodachi's eyes darted. "You are Ranma's mother… however…"

"How was your date today?" Nodoka asked.

"Oh, it was wonderful…" Kodachi's eyes grew dreamy. "She cried for the cupcakes… We got fifty for five yen… Oh, how she bargained… The way her cute form dug into those cupcakes… How she'd missed them! And by contrast, the way he stood there in the bathroom, peeing… dominating… It was like he was a knight… and she was like a princess… who likes food. My dreams will be glorious tonight… Oh, we didn't kiss… but she did hug me… She's so delicate, yet stronger than anyone I know… even as a girl. Err… I SAID NOTHING!"

Nodoka giggled like the schoolgirl her daughter was. "I may have a proposition for you…"

"… Go on… please…" Kodachi pleaded.

"How would you like to be Ranma's bride?" Nodoka asked. "… Kodachi?"

But the girl had fainted.

"Kodachi?" Nodoka grew worried.

"Hm?" Kuno walked into the room. "Ah, Mrs. Saotome, what a pleasure seeing you here. Sister? What is this, sleeping on the ground in front of an honored guest?"

"…" Nodoka sighed. "She fainted."

"That explains things." Tatewaki got down, facing his sister. "I know what works to wake her."

His licked his finger and put it in her left ear.

"Ahhh!" Kodachi screamed. "Don't do that!"

"It has worked." Kuno bowed in front of his audience. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have photos to buy."

Kodachi rubbed her ear. "You needn't do that, Brother dearest…"

But he was gone.

"I do think Ranma likes you. There is no way that my child will propose, however. Would you wish to?" Nodoka asked.

"I… I… it would be an honor… A bit odd… but… Ranma is a unique individual." Kodachi started daydreaming.

"Her birthday tomorrow…" Nodoka smiled. "Will be the best birthday ever…."

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**Author's notes:** Ranma can't catch a break… thanks tuatara and Kris Leena… oh man this is getting dramatic…as the Text, I must say… Wow… a nice Kodachi… hey, it IS 2012….


	16. Y15

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** I have looked ahead and… geese tuatara ain't gonna like this… if you like happy stories skip this… seriously. Life's not fair…

**Caution:** Telinú came up with the idea… like all of the ideas practically, so… blame goes that way…

**Reviews**: go a long way, it's what attracts readers to stay! Hero in a cup, what does the 12th have to do with anything? The 21st I can understand… gort420, alright, I've had it, what messed up fanfics have YOU been reading? Female Ranma/Ryoga, anti Akane fics? Noy HATES all of the above tremendously. Seriously, read some… other types of fic since its really messing up your expectations… see, this is why Noy HAS to write, the fandumb is insane! Hitmanmarco, yeah, I know, but…. It's Kodachi… Wrin, Um… why? Was it because it was short? Was a bit rushed in feel? The story's moving, you know that, right?

You have been warned…

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**Year 15 or III by V**

'Man, this stinks…' Ranma sighed as he walked along the fence to the market. '"Oh hey, Ranma, for your birthday, why don't you go and get the food?" They better be making a good party.'

Ranma jumped from the end of one fence to another. 'Pops being in Tokyo again really means I shouldn't be out as a boy, but I have to be a girl for my birthday with Kuno coming over.'

He jumped to another fence. 'There it is… Good thing I brought my yin yang bag… Unlimited space is perfect for this.'

Ranma was about to jump to the sidewalk when suddenly…

*Slice* The fence fell out from under him, cut cleanly by a mysterious force.

*Splash* Ranma fell into the water.

"Great, wet again…" Ranma sighed as he stood up. "What kind of crazed lunatic-"

*Clang* He was cut off by a whack to the head that sent him into unconsciousness.

"Found you… boy…" Genma smirked as he put down the street sign.

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Ranma awoke at a campsite in the woods.

"What the?" He rubbed his head. "Where am I?"

That's when he noticed a familiar tent next to him.

'No… it can't be…' Ranma's eyes widened. "Pops!"

"What do you want, boy?" Genma answered angrily as he came into view with firewood. "You got a lot of explaining to do for running out on me all those years ago."

"ME! Explaining?" Ranma growled. "How about YOU? You kidnap me mid-morning in Tokyo? What kind of an idea was that?"

*Whack* Genma slapped him across the face, sending Ranma to the ground.

"Stop complaining, boy!" Genma snarled. "Now… why did you ditch me in China?"

Ranma got up off the ground and narrowed his eyes. "Because you killed my girl side, that's why!" 'Not that she stayed dead…'

"My poor, poor son…" Genma shook his head sadly. "Even getting rid of the girl in you hasn't stopped you from acting like one."

"Shut it, Pops!" Ranma growled. "I'm leaving!"

"NO, YOU'RE NOT!" Genma bellowed. "I've spent far too long for you to just leave. We didn't even finish the training trip…"

"What's gonna stop me? Huh?" Ranma threatened. "I'm sick of you, old man…"

*Smack* Ranma was sucker punched into the trees.

"I'm very disappointed in you, boy…" Genma sighed. "We have a lot of work to do."

Ranma stood up, seemingly fine. "No way, I'm leaving."

"What is it back there, boy?" Genma's eye twitched. "Your mother is dead anyway-"

*Punch* It was Ranma's turn to sucker punch Genma.

"LIAR!" Ranma screamed. "SHE'S ALIVE AND I'M GOING BACK THERE RIGHT NOW. SHE CARES ABOUT MY FEELINGS, OLD MAN!"

Genma growled. "So that's what's going on… Your mother's love has made you weak."

"NO, IT'S HASN'T!" Ranma yelled in outrage.

"PROVE IT!" Genma challenged. "If you beat me, you can leave; but when I win, you're coming with me, far away from Tokyo and your mother."

"DEAL!" Ranma screamed in anger. "I WILL CRUSH YOU, OLD MAN!"

Genma smirked evilly as Ranma charged….

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'I like girls' uniforms better… This thing is itchy,' Ranma sighed as he walked to his new school. 'Damn you, Pops! I don't even have money to contact Mom, not to mention eat…'

Angrily, Ranma kicked a can into a wall, imbedding it a foot deep.

'Just when I was starting to enjoy life…' Ranma clenched his fist. 'I'll get back at you, Pops! Somehow…'

*Flutter, flutter* A 1000 yen note fluttered right in front of Ranma.

*Snatch* Ranma's fast reflexes snatched it up from the air.

"Money…" Ranma smiled. "I can write to Mom…"

Quickly getting out a pen and paper from his Chinese bag, Ranma began to write.

_Dear Mom,_

_Hi! Um… Pops kidnapped me. Yeah… I lost against him, so I have to stay with him for now. It's been depressing. I'm now going to school… an all-boys school. I'll find a way back… somehow. _

_At least Pops doesn't know I can be a girl._

_Love you, _

_Ranma._

'There. Now… where's a post office?' Ranma needed a stamp.

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"So… you're mad because the bread I ate was yours?" Ranma tilted his head in confusion. "How the hell is it yours?"

"Because shut up!" Ryoga clenched his fist. "What's your name?"

"Ranma Saotome." Ranma shrugged. "Man, you're mad. See ya."

Ryoga tried to follow him, but somehow ended up at his house.

'How did I end up here?' Ryoga thought. 'Damn you, Ranma! I shall get my vengeance!'

"Hey, you're home, son," Ryoga's father stated as he sat in a chair. "What a coincidence."

"Dad!" Ryoga hugged him. "Where were you for the last three months?"

"America." He pulled out a cardboard box. "I got Hot Pockets."

"NoOoo!" Ryoga cried out.

Dramatic music played as Ryoga fell to his knees, arms outstretched.

"… Son, being overly dramatic will do you no good," Ryoga's dad sighed.

"Did YOU get YOUR bread stolen?" Ryoga screamed.

"…" His father was speechless.

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"He's not coming, boy," Genma stated as he sat cooking a meal. "He forfeited."

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Ranma threw his arms in the air. "His house is right there!"

"Boy, it's been three days AND you fell asleep," Genma growled. "Besides, we have to leave."

"Fine… Let me leave a letter at his house." Ranma started to leave.

"Fine." Genma cooked the food.

Ranma smirked and changed into a girl once inside Ryoga's house. 'Free phone…'

*Ring* Ranma waited for Nodoka to answer.

"Hello, Saotome residence, Nodoka speaking."

"Hi, Mom!" Ranma spoke eagerly. "Pops said that we're leaving."

"Ranma! How are you?"

Ranma shrugged. "The same as usual. Pops is being… Pops. Oh, and Ryoga hasn't shown up yet."

"Your fanged friend hasn't fought you yet? Is he lost?"

"Probably," Ranma replied. "I just wish that I could get home before my birthday… I… I miss you, Mom…"

"There, there, Ranma. I'm sure we will see each other soon."

Ranma wiped away a tear from her cheek. "I hope so… Love you…"

"I love you too, my daughter. Now, run along before your father does something rash."

"So, Tuesday then?" Ranma laughed.

"Yes… Tuesday. Goodbye, daughter."

"Bye…" Ranma hung up and wrote Ryoga a note before leaving, changing back into a boy.

"Boy!" Genma shouted. "If you want food, come here now!"

Ranma ran back, stomach growling.

"So, where are we going?" Ranma asked.

"The woods," Genma answered. "I need to see how good you are now. After a few months of that, I have a surprise for you."

"It better be a good one…" Ranma sighed.

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**Author's notes:** no points for guessing where they're going next. Thanks tuatara and Kris Leena, the plot may end up being different, but it may end up for the best. I'm the Text! You shall not pass, you shall not collect 200, you shall not win monopoly! I will, instead! Mwhahahah!


	17. 19 Day Arc Y16

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** canon is screwed already; expecting it here is just stupid.

**Caution:** paying attention is recommended.

**Thanks!:** to… you know who… I mean come on, chapter 16? If you don't read these now, why then… or is it the other way around?

**Reviews:** are fun to read. He hee! Hero in a cup, but… it's HOT POCKETS… they are terrible! You microwave them and the outer parts are like LAVA and the middle is freakin' FROZEN SOLID! Gort420, k, thanks. dialga9182, oh, here's more right now!

**Happy:** fifth of May. The day that Mexicans defeated the French... so... why is it a holiday again?

You have been warned…

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**Year 16 or IV by IV animal style **

'What hit me?' Ranma's head was spinning as he regained consciousness in the rain. 'Furry ground? Huh, what the… Oh… just a panda arm… Haha… serves Pops right.'

Ranma's eyes were able to refocus just as he saw the gate to the Tendo home.

'What are the odds… Pops engaged me to a Tendo… Good thing he didn't say a specific Tendo; angering Kuno might make him fight me for real. Oh, I will get my revenge…' Ranma smiled evilly. 'One… two…'

Genma the panda opened the door to the Tendo home.

'Three,' Ranma smirked and turned into a she. "Hey, stop it! You're scaring them spitless!"

Genma, who didn't notice the shift of weight, was shocked when he put his daughter down in front of his old friend and his three teenaged daughters.

"You wouldn't be…" Soun Tendo shook violently.

"Ranma Saotome, sorry about this." Ranma looked at the ground, holding in her laughter well.

"Ranma! At last you've come!" Soun picked up and hugged Ranma.

… Only to put her back down in shock.

Kasumi, Nabiki and Akane looked at Ranma curiously, but it was the middle Tendo who did something about it and moved forward to touch Ranma's breast…

*Grab* Only for her finger to be held in place millimeters from it by Ranma's two fingers.

"Any reason you want to feel me up?" Ranma raised an eyebrow. "You could… but only if I feel you up as well…"

Nabiki pulled back her finger. "Daddy, he's a girl."

And Soun fainted at the announcement.

"… What's his problem?" Ranma struggled not to smile.

Akane spoke up. "He was expecting a boy. Hi, I'm Akane Tendo. Want to be friends?"

"Gladly," Ranma smiled. "Want to help me drag this panda away?"

That's when the household remembered the panda, which was unconscious in the hallway.

"Oh, my… did that panda… faint?" Kasumi questioned.

Ranma put her hands on her hips. "Looks like it."

"How much would they pay for an escaped panda?" Nabiki asked Kasumi as she picked up the phone.

"I don't know," Kasumi answered as she helped make her father comfortable on the floor. "Could you hand me a towel?"

Akane stood over the panda's head. "I'll grab the top; you get the bottom, alright?"

"Got it… Where are we putting him?" Ranma asked.

"In the dojo…" Nabiki cleared her throat and dialed. "Hello, is this Tokyo Zoo?"

Ranma couldn't help but smile.

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Akane dusted off her hands. "Now that that is taken care of… why are you with a panda, anyway?"

Ranma shrugged. "He kidnapped me. Nice dojo."

"It is… Dad built it," Akane said so proudly. "Hey… Dad said you are a martial artist. Is that true?"

"Yep. Trained to be the best…" Ranma smirked. "I have a feeling we need more rope for that panda…"

"Maybe…" Akane bit her lip. "I don't think we have more, however. So, do you study kempo?"

"A little," Ranma admitted. "Anything Goes Martial Arts, after all."

"Oh, yes… that's why one of us was supposed to marry you," Akane giggled. "Unite the schools… Not that we can, though. Dad should have known you were a girl."

"Aw…" Ranma fake pouted. "And I was _SoOo_ looking forward to marrying one of you…"

Akane laughed at that.

"Greof!" Genma awoke. "Greaohgh!"

"AHH!" Ranma hid behind Akane, repressing her giggles. "The panda is awake! Oh, save me, Akane!"

Genma growled again and broke the ropes holding him down.

"You are not getting her!" Akane got into a defensive position.

The panda growled again.

'WHAT IS GOING ON?' Genma mentally screamed. 'WHY IS RANMA A GIRL?'

"YAAAH!" Akane charged at Genma, who just stepped out of the way.

Ranma facepalmed. "Great, Akane, just great."

"YAAAH!" Akane attacked again only to be hit into the koi pond in the yard.

*Splash*

Genma stalked over to Ranma, roaring madly.

"Look, I don't know what you're saying, but I am not marrying someone just because you want me to!" Ranma walked backwards slowly.

Genma grew angrier and charged at his new daughter… or something like one.

"Whoa, missed me!" Ranma teased as Genma was too furious to fight well. "Nyeh!"

Unfortunately, Ranma realized too late that she was backed into a corner.

Ranma's mind raced on what to do… when suddenly—

*BAM* A stone statue hit Genma right upside the head.

*Thud* Panda comes thundering down, down…

Ranma, surprised, looked over to see Akane standing triumphantly.

"Nice arm," Ranma said before looking down at her father who was a panda. "I told you we needed more rope."

"No need," Nabiki announced as she came into the dojo. "I have tranquilizers, and the zoo people will be here soon."

"Thanks, sis," Akane let out her breath, relived. "Man, I'm soaked… Ranma, would you like to take a bath?"

Ranma rubbed her chin. "Is it with you?"

Akane smiled. "If you want."

"How about you?" Ranma pointed to Nabiki. "We can touch each others breasts all we want in the bath… um…"

"Nabiki. And, no, I'll pass. I thought you were a cute boy…" Nabiki smirked as she left the dojo, giving Akane the tranquilizers. "I just wanted to make sure you were a boy; too bad. Oh, look. Daddy's waking up."

Akane struck Genma with all seven tranquilizers and followed Nabiki into the house, motioning Ranma to follow.

Ranma shrugged and did as she was told. 'Just as planned…."

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Soun Tendo sighed as he woke up. "Saotome said he had a son."

"Do I look like a boy to you?" Ranma grabbed Nabiki's finger again as she tried to poke her chest. "Then again, it is typical for Father. He always wanted a son and so treated me like one all my life."

Genuine tears fell down Ranma's face as she remembered her unwanted life with Genma.

"Oh, my!" Kasumi put a hand to her lips. "How awful."

"He tried to kill me, just because I wasn't a boy." Ranma couldn't stop herself. "I was unwanted… He tried everything to make me a 100% boy. Always calling me 'boy'…"

Akane hugged her new friend and made soothing noises.

"Wow, that's rough," Nabiki noted. "Daddy, why are you friends with him again?"

But Soun was too busy wailing to notice.

"Father…" Kasumi led Soun to his room. "Lay down. You need your rest."

"Ranma… follow me, the bath is this way." Akane turned to hide her watery eyes. "Where's your bag?"

Ranma wiped her tears away. "Right here." She pulled out her Chinese bag from under her red silk shirt that was too big for her.

Nabiki sighed. "Hey, sis, it looks like the zoo people are here…"

"Good," Akane stated, eyes narrowed.

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"Ranma… why are you wearing boxers?" Akane asked as the two girls undressed.

"Like I said, Pops wanted a boy," Ranma sighed. "There was only one day that he even allowed me to get somewhat feminine clothes."

"I guess you were serious… I mean, I knew you were, I just…" Akane took a deep breath. "Was your childhood that bad?"

"Um… define 'bad'…" Ranma took off her shirt and placed it in her bag. "I mean… I only experienced mine…"

"Did he beat you?" Akane asked, taking off her gi.

"Yes… why?" Ranma's eyebrow rose. "It was martial arts training… How are you supposed to be better if you don't get beat up?"

Akane's eyes narrowed. "That jerk! How bad was it? Beating up on a little girl…"

"Yeah, he is a jerk, and he did beat me up… but it was mostly that he hated me for being a girl in the first place." Ranma put her pants in her bag. "It's harder to train as a girl… Weaker, smaller, harder to gain muscle… but the good thing is looking cute enough that they underestimate you. Pops hated that."

"Well, he won't beat you when I'm around!" Akane vowed. "If I ever see him…"

"I'm sure you will." Ranma opened the door to the inner bath. "He'll be here soon enough. He is very sneaky and will do anything to achieve his goals."

"I'll be by your side. And if he tries anything, I'll pound him!" Akane smashed a fist into her hand. "Akane Tendo never abandons her friends!"

"Thank you, Akane…" Ranma said as the two girls relaxed in the furo.

"No problem," Akane waved it off. "I can't believe a father would do that to his own daughter…"

"That's Pops for you," Ranma replied with a sigh and undid her pigtail. "At least it made me the best…"

"But still! To try and make you a boy… Why?" Akane was furious. "Why?"

"What do you think? I was supposed to marry you or your sisters…" Ranma left that hanging.

"But… how was that supposed to work?" Akane threw her arms into the air. "It's not like he can change you into a boy…"

Ranma laughed darkly. "He tried… Oh, he tried, alright."

"How did your mother even approve of this? Or… is she…" Akane was in tears.

"No, she's alive… I was taken away to be a martial artist… Mom didn't know he was trying to do what he did," Ranma sighed. "At least I escaped for a few years to live with her before Pops found me again."

"That's a relief…" Akane wiped her tears. "I'm sorry about… You see, it's that my…"

"Hug?" Ranma offered.

Akane nodded.

"Shhh…" Ranma rubbed her back as she embraced her. "Let it out… I'm sure she was a fine mother…"

Akane nodded as she cried.

"Maybe I'll introduce you to mine… Mom has an affect on people… My friend from school is much more sane now because of that," Ranma smiled. 'Why is it that every friend I make has no mother?'

"I… I'd like that…" Akane answered. "…Let's get washed up before we prune."

"Oh, all right…" Ranma let go. "You're cute, you know that?"

"…" Akane was stunned. "… Really?"

"Of course." Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Why you don't think you are?"

"No!" Akane responded quickly. "I… just… Thank you."

"Okkkaay…" Ranma got out of the furo. "Hey… want to see some magic… Well, not really, he'll kill me if I say it is…"

"Sure…" Akane got out as well.

"Now… look at this bag." Ranma opened up her Chinese bag Mousse made her. "See how there is nothing inside, even when I turn it upside down…"

Akane nodded.

"Now… tada!" Ranma pulled out a red bra. "Neat, huh?"

"Wow…" Akane was amazed. "How did…?"

"Hidden weapons…" Ranma shrugged. "Or… something like that. I love it."

Ranma squeezed it and pulled out red panties and a red sleeveless shirt…

… At least, it was supposed to be one.

"… Ranma… that looks like a minidress… with sleeves." Akane tilted her head.

"Yeah, it can be used like that; I usually do it to mess with Pops," Ranma smiled. 'At least… I will…'

Akane giggled. "You'll show him… Where is he, anyway?"

"Probably at the zoo," Ranma laughed. "Akane… could… could you call me Ranko?"

"Huh?" Akane was confused.

"You see… Mom wanted to name me something else… but Pops didn't listen. I… To hide from him, I used the name Ranko. Its Mom's favorite… plus… it's the name I used around here for a few years when I lived with Mom." Ranma used her 'giant eyes, small body' look. "Please?"

"… Alright… Ranko…" Akane couldn't help but crumble.

"Thanks!" Ranko hugged Akane affectionately. "Now, a white ribbon and… there we go!"

Ranko had the sleeveless male silk shirt on like a minidress with the white ribbon as a belt and her hair back in a pigtail with her bag on.

"Come on, get dressed, Akane," Ranko said as she left the bathroom. "I'll introduce myself to your sisters, 'K?"

Akane nodded dumbly.

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"Thanks for allowing me to stay here, Kasumi. Are you sure your father won't mind?" Ranko asked as Kasumi showed her the guestroom.

"Not at all… Ranko," Kasumi smiled. "What a nice name. Where do you live?"

"Oh, Mom's place is towards the outskirts up north. Could I… call her and say that I'm alright?" Ranko asked. "I haven't seen her in over a year…"

"Of course," Kasumi replied and showed her the phone. 'It's so nice to have a guest in the house. So exciting…'

Ranko dialed the phone number and waited for it to pick up.

"Hello, Saotome residence, Nodoka speaking."

"Hi, Mom."

"Ranma! How are you?"

"Doing better…" Ranma shrugged. "Pops got turned into a panda…"

"… What?"

"Long story… Anyway, I'm at the Tendos' right now."

"The same Tendos that have the daughter that the Kuno boy obsesses over?"

"Yep. Anyways… Pops tried to marry me off to her or one of her sisters…"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, I know. He's at the zoo now, but he'll be back." Ranko paused. "I'm going by Ranko at the moment because I'm back in Nerima."

"You aren't just doing it for me?" Nodoka teased.

"Maybe…" Ranko laughed. "I should probably stay here at the Tendos' for a while. They want me here and I don't want Pops doing anything to our home."

"I can't help but visit. I haven't seen my daughter in a while. How is my son doing?"

"Fine, fine… Not able to be around for a while, but fine. I love you, Mom…"

"And I love you too, Ranko. Good night."

"But I didn't eat dinner yet…" Ranko fake whined.

Nodoka laughed on her end as Ranko hung up.

Ranko sighed. "Nabiki… do you normally spy on people's conversations?"

Nabiki came into the kitchen from the hallway. "Depends… So, what was that bit on your dad being a panda?"

"It's a long story that you won't believe until tomorrow… probably. Anything else?" Ranko rolled her eyes.

"I'll hold you to that… Ranko." Nabiki narrowed her eyes and left.

"… Just like Kuno described her…" the redhead sighed.

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"Thank you, Mr. Tendo, for letting me stay here!" Ranko smiled as she ate with the Tendo family.

"It's no problem at all… Ranko," Soun sighed. "Even though the schools cannot be joined, you are my old friend's daughter. Where IS he?"

Ranko shrugged.

Nabiki answered instead. "Oh, but you said he was at the zoo."

"Yeah, _then_… He probably would escape by now," Ranko stated nonchalantly. "It's Pops, master escape artist."

Soun blinked in confusion. "Why would he be at the zoo?"

"Ooh, maybe he likes animals!" Kasumi smiled. "How sweet…"

Everyone else in the room sweatdropped.

Akane rolled her eyes. "Of course he does, honorable older sister…"

Nabiki laughed. "If he likes them, that's because he eats them. There go the penguins…"

"… You do have to admit…" Ranko took a bite out of her food. "Penguins taste good with ketchup."

Everyone stared at her.

"… What?" Ranko mumbled. "They do…"

"You actually ATE a penguin?" Akane's eyes widened.

"Yup, sure did. I think it was when I was five… No, wait… that was a puffin…" Ranko tapped her chopsticks against her lips. "When I was seven? Hmm… I know that's what we ate in New Zealand… Cute little things…"

"What kind of father would take his young daughter to New Zealand?" Soun cried. "Why would he follow the path of the ma-"

Soun stopped suddenly and coughed politely. "Never mind that…"

Nabiki raised an eyebrow and turned to Ranko, smirking smugly. "Do you have proof?"

"… Hang on." Ranko pulled her bag from under her shirt that was acting like a minidress and began rummaging through it. "Nope, nope, nuh uh, not that one, aha, there is me eating a puffin in Alaska."

Ranko showed the photo to Nabiki.

Her jaw didn't drop, but Akane's did when she took it from her.

"You actually ate a puffin…" Akane gasped.

"What, you thought I was making that up?" Ranko smirked. "They taste good. One of the few good things about that whole trip… The wildlife is delicious!"

"Aw... Ranko looks so cute!" Kasumi stated as she saw the photo, smiling as always. "That looks exciting."

"It was… Sure, at that age I had no idea what Pops was doing, but… it was fun…" Ranko sobered. "Until he knew **I** knew that I was a girl…"

Kasumi handed it to her father.

"He took it?" Soun asked.

"Yeah… I kept them when he thought he destroyed them." Ranko took it back. "He hates them…"

"Do you have one of your father…?" Soun asked anxiously.

"Sure do… here we go." Ranko pulled out the one with her parents at her first birthday. "Mom's in here too…"

Soun's hands quivered as he held it, tears pouring out of his eyes. "Why would you lie to me old friend… why?"

"Mom said that it took him hours to finally call you when I was born…" Ranko looked at the ground. "I didn't know WHY it was so important to call you… until now. Sorry, Mr. Tendo… if I was a boy… I would hate getting married against my will. Well, I hate getting married against my will anyway, but you know what I mean. I think it's unfair to all of us for you and my father to do this."

Nabiki nodded solemnly. "Daddy, arranged marriages almost never work out. Maybe this is a lesson or something."

Soun nodded and handed Ranko her photo back. "Good night… I need my sleep."

The Tendo head went sadly to bed….

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"Are you sure, Akane?" Ranko asked as she stood in the dojo with the youngest Tendo.

"Come on, you must be good," Akane reassured as she stood across from Ranko. "I'll go easy on you."

"… Akane… Oh, fine…" Ranko sighed. "I DO need to practice anyway…"

Ranko put her hands behind her back. "Your move."

Akane's eyes narrowed. "Why are you like that?"

"Don't I look good enough this way?" Ranko smirked. "I'm just a little redheaded girl…"

This riled Akane up. "Are you MOCKING me?"

"Um… Akane, you do know that getting your opponent angry is a good strategy to win… right?" Ranko's face showed her concern.

Akane's face scrunched up. "What! I… You! I'm not mad!"

"Ri-i-i-ght…" Ranko nodded sarcastically. "I'll go first then."

*CRASH* All of a sudden, a giant panda angrily comes through the doorway, snapping some of it off.

It roared in anger as it stood there, menacingly.

Akane was shocked while Ranko looked as if she wasn't surprised at all.

*Thomp* *Thomp* *Thomp* It marched forward on its hind legs with a force so massive it cracked the floor with each step.

Akane scooted closer to Ranko, arms in defensive position. "You are NOT touching her!"

The beast snarled at her.

"What's going on NOW-ow-ow-ow-ow…?" Nabiki exclaimed as she came into the dojo, eyes widened as she saw the panda but returned to normal shortly thereafter. "Great… it's back."

"Oh, my." Kasumi was right behind her. "The panda is back. Such an exciting day!"

"Kasumi, get Dad. This time it's furious!" Akane ordered. "It wants Ranko!"

Ranko rolled her eyes. "Of course he does…"

"What is the meaning of this?" Soun yelled grouchily.

[Tendo!] Genma pulled out a sign out of nowhere. [It's me!] Flip [Saotome!]

The Tendo family gasped in shock.

That's when Genma poured a teakettle of hot water over himself.

*Thud* Let the Tendo hit the floor…

"Ranko… your father is plushy…" Kasumi stated, hand to mouth. "And is a magical animal… *gasp* Ranko is a magic girl!"

The younger sisters felt like hitting themselves as they heard their older smiling sister spew her guesses.

Genma, however, looked unhappy. "RANMA! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?"

"… Father, I do not know," Ranma said in her most formal voice. "Fainting hosts are not my specialty…"

Genma couldn't even form a sentence in response; only incoherent words came out, if that.

Soun awoke just then. "I had this we-iR-d dream, Kasumi… Saotome was here, but… he was a panda!"

Of course, when he finished that, he was staring into his friend's eyes.

*Plop* And so he fainted again.

"That's it!" Nabiki shouted. "Everyone, inside, now! I'm going to figure out what's going on even if it kills me!"

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Soun took a deep breath. "Let's go over this again."

Genma clenched his jaw. "I am Genma Saotome and this is my SON…"

"Who is a girl, Ranma, also known as Ranko," Genma's daughter finished. "I apologize for my father's behavior."

"He is my SON and I'll prove it!" Genma growled. "… Once the hot water's ready!"

Nabiki massaged her forehead. "The panda thing…"

Ranko nodded and flipped Genma into the koi pond.

*Splash!*

[Hey!] Genma pulled out a sign.

"I'll explain," Ranko started. "A week ago, a purple-haired Chinese Amazon ambushed my father and I a few kilometers north in the woods, splashing him with a cask of water from Jusenkyo. This turned him into a panda, since it was water from the Spring of Drowned Panda. This booklet explains Jusenkyo in much more detail."

Ranko pulled a booklet out of her bag and placed it on the table.

*Smack* Genma hit Ranko over the head with a sign he had.

[BOY!] Flip [What about YOUR curse!] Flip [SAY IT and explain HOW you got re-cursed!]

Akane gasped in horror. "You… turn into a boy!" She was scared and picked up the kettle from the stove and it shook in her wobbly hands. "Hot water ch-changes you back to normal… right…"

Genma pulled out a sign. [Correct!] Flip. [My son was cursed so I took him to Jusenkyo to cure him.] Flip [Then, somehow, he changed into a girl again in the rain coming over here!]

With fear, Akane poured the hot water over the both of them.

"Akane, I was in the furo with you, remember?" Ranko reminded, still a she.

Genma's face was full of shock.

*Clank* Akane dropped the kettle before falling to her knees. "I… I… I'm sorry, Ranko… I…"

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"How… it… WHAT?" Genma clenched his head. "**BOY! YOU KNOCK THIS OFF RIGHT NOW! WHAT DID YOU DO?**"

Genma picked up Ranko by her collar and started shaking her.

"**SAOTOME!**" Soun released the demon head. "**WHY DID YOU LIE ABOUT HAVING A SON?**"

"I had a son…" Genma's eyes narrowed and he stared into Ranko's eyes. "He's dead to me now…"

*Thump* Ranko was thrown to the ground and Genma left for the kitchen.

*Splash* Ranko looked up to see Nabiki with an empty glass of water.

"Nabiki!" Kasumi scolded.

Nabiki shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"Ranko, would you feel better if you slept in Akane's room tonight?" Kasumi asked.

Ranko nodded.

Soon, Soun, Kasumi and Nabiki left the room, leaving the two sixteen-year-olds alone.

"Akane?" Ranko put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Akane sobbed. "I'm sorry. *sniff* I'm sorry…"

Ranko hugged Akane to comfort her. "Shhh… Don't cry, I forgive you…"

"But… b-b-b-bbut… *sniff* I didn't trust you!" Akane cried. "Your father… he… Sorry-sorry-sorry!"

'Oh, Akane…' Ranko thought to herself. 'How am I going to break it to you?'

"Akane, you're my friend…"

"What a lousy friend I was…" Akane continued to roll in guilt.

Ranko sighed. "One day, we'll look back at this moment and laugh." 'I hope so…'

"You're not mad?"

"It was perfectly reasonable," Ranko smiled. "Besides, if I did turn into a boy with hot water, you might have had to marry me."

Akane smiled at that. "You're right…"

"Akane… if I did actually turn into a boy… what would you think of me?"

Akane paused and thought it over. "I don't know… part of me would say I would be mad and felt tricked and feel like you were a pervert… but… the other part… would not mind… Hypothetically, how long would you have the curse?"

Ranko shrugged. "I was born that way…"

"Then… then I guess I couldn't stay mad at you…" Akane sighed. "Why are you asking me this?"

'Because I wanted to know what you would think of me…' Ranko paused to sort her thoughts. "You thought I was cursed…"

"Sorry… I…" She was cut off.

"No need to, now, I think somebody needs to make her room available for two," Ranko smiled.

"A sleepover…" Akane got up. "It's for the best… If that… that panda tries to do anything to you… I'll be there."

"IF?" Ranko laughed. "No, he'll try something, alright…"

"BOY!" Genma snarled as he stormed into the room. "Your mother is not pleased with your lying."

"Father…" Ranko stated formally. "I know that is not true. In fact, Mother has made me lie once before for school."

"**STOP THAT, BOY!"** Genma yelled. "Speaking of school, you're going to one tomorrow as a BOY!"

"Leave her alone!" Akane cried out. "Leave Ranko alone!"

"**SAOTOME!"** Soun's giant demon head appeared. **"DON'T MAKE MY DAUGHTER CRY!"**

The girls in question left for Akane's room amid the commotion.

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**Author's notes:** Wow… Ranma's plan to ruin Genma's plan… wow… these chapters are getting longer as this is the first of the new arc. All girls are still in the running as year 16 continues, until then, I'm the TEXT!

**Authour's notes:** Hi there! Unfortunate-ally to save room for stuff and because the chapters are longer, Born that way is now monthly instead of sunday-ee. Also, year 16 is more than one part... so... yay! It's justified! Justified I say! ^_^


	18. Y16II

_**B**orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** the following is a fanfic parody of a dub of an anime of a manga of an idea Rumiko had in Japan. Please support the official release.

**Thanks!:** to the obvious… even though one... isn't here anymore...

**Caution:** these longer chapters for year 16 are a new story arc and are much more detailed. Remember that now.

**Reviews:** I for one welcome your criticism of Noy. Many authors can't take it, but my boss can... somehow... Hero in a cup, really? Never thought of that, although Jim would disagree. Wrin, that is what Ranma SHOULD do... Epain, I... don't... know... I'll ask Noy. Luger 7, not that I'm complaining or anything, but is that all you say? And yes, I party, so does Telinú. Noy, not so much... Cattsith, Well, here you go...

**This fic has been dedicated to Kris Leena:** this chapter was the last thing she ever read.

You have been warned…

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**Year 16 II: on a raft**

The sun shone brightly in Akane's room. Birds sang outside, the morning happy music was blasted by the neighbors… all in all, a normal day for Akane Tendo.

She yawned and stretched in her bed, getting the kinks out.

As she opened her eyes, she saw the wonderful sight of Ranko asleep in her pink nightie, while Akane, herself was wearing her yellow… what?

Akane, who was now fully awake, panicked at Ranko sleeping with her in bed.

'What happened last night?' Akane's memories slowly sank in. 'Oh… that's right.'

Akane then had a flashback to the night before.

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Akane was ready for bed and was making it comfortable. "You're alright there, Ranko?"

Her companion nodded from below on her futon. "Yes. Goodnight, Akane."

"Goodnight, Ranko." Akane drifted to sleep.

But it was not to last.

At 1:17 in the morning, she was woken by noises from below her.

A yawn and a grumble got her alert enough to hear words that were coming from Ranko's mouth.

"NooOo…" she mumbled in her sleep. "Don't hate me… No…"

'What?' Akane rubbed her eye. 'Is Ranko talking in her sleep?'

She was about to find earplugs when the next sentence reached her ears.

"Akane… don't… no… I had to… Don't cry… I don't want you to hate… me…" Ranko tossed and turned as she whimpered in her sleep.

"Ranko?" Akane was concerned for her friend. 'What does she mean by that? Should I wake her?'

"Don't… nhH… I… I can't be… a… forever… can't. Both… special… Moma said so…" Ranko began crying in her sleep. "Moma said so…"

'I should really wake her, she's having a nightmare!' Akane shook Ranko. "Wake up!"

"No… no more bees… Head hurt…" Ranko mumbled in her sleep.

"Wake up!" Akane shook harder, getting nervous.

"Popa… No wanna cut tree… with fishy…" Ranko twirled out of Akane's grasp.

Akane got out of bed and got up next to Ranko. "Wake up! You're scaring me!"

*Glomp* Ranko held onto Akane. "No! Not again! No! Evil… little demons! No! Help me! Help me!"

Akane got really nervous now and tried a different tactic. "I'm here… Everything will be just… fine."

Ranko whimpered.

The blue-haired girl continued. "Relax, peace… calm… rest…"

Ranko calmed down and became quiet.

'Whew. What was that?' Akane shook her head. 'I bet her father has something to do with this.'

She tried to get up, but once she stood, she noticed Ranko was still hugging her.

"Ranko?"

"Mmm…"

"Ranko?"

"Warm…"

Akane sighed and tried to pull Ranko off to no avail.

After much struggling, Akane just got back into bed and to her surprise, Ranko let go.

Akane stared at Ranko a little bit longer before falling back to sleep herself.

The last words that came out of Ranma's sleepy mouth were, "Sorry, Akane."

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'What a weird night,' Akane thought to herself. 'But Ranko seems OK now.'

"Morning, Akane… Why do I feel so good?" Ranko yawned. "Hmm… Bed?"

"You were sleep talking last night. Feeling better?" Akane asked.

"Yeah… thanks…" Ranko got out of Akane's bed. "I… I don't like to be alone…"

"It's no problem," Akane dismissed the worry. "I'm going out for my morning run soon. Want to join me?"

"Sure, why not?" Ranko shrugged. "I want to stay away from Pops as long as possible anyway."

And so, the two girls got dressed in appropriate wear for jogging.

At least in Akane's case.

"Ranko… I don't think a bikini works well while running…"

"Of course it does," Ranko defended. "One, it causes Pops to see I'm a girl; two, it's a hot day today; and three, its fun playing Let's make boys' noses bleed. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"… No reason… No reason at all." Akane's eye twitched. "Maybe I can show you around…"

"I doubt things changed in the past year, but what the heck…" Ranko put her arms behind her head. "Ready, Akane?"

"I have the urge to smack you, you know that?" Akane grumbled. "Maybe we can spar later?"

"I'll th..." Ranma was cut off by Genma barging through the door.

"THERE YOU ARE, BOY!" Genma yelled as he came through. "WHY ARE YOU…?"

His jaw dropped as he saw Ranko in an itsy bitsy teenie weeine yellow pokadot bikini (that she wore for the first time today).

"Like it?" Ranko teased. "Come on, Akane!"

"Hey!" Akane protested as she was dragged out of the house, leaving a dumbfounded Genma behind.

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"Forty-seven… not bad for only just over an hour…" Ranko shrugged as she and Akane were almost back at the Tendos. "And five of them were girls… Hey, Akane, are you alright? Your face is all red."

"It's nothing…" Akane turned away. "Honestly, wearing a bikini like that in public…"

"Hey, if it were up to me people wouldn't need to wear clothes," Ranko argued. "OOOH! You saw someone naked. It's SOoO wrong… We were all born that way, but shame on anyone doing it when they're older…"

"No feminine modesty…" Akane complained. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"I can if I want to, Akane," Ranko replied. "I just hate it. It's no fair; boys can go without a shirt but girls can't."

"It's because all the boys would be staring!" Akane yelled. "Not to mention doing much more… perverted things…"

"I guess you're right," Ranko sighed. "I… hey, Akane why'd you stop?"

"I… err." Akane looked around nervously. "I just want to visit Dr. Tofu…"

"Ooh…" Ranko nodded. "I'll come with you."

"I… No… err… alright," Akane gave up. 'I wanted to be with him alone…'

"Dr. Tofu!" Akane called out as she came into the clinic with Ranko behind her. "Are you busy?"

"Just a moment, Akane." Dr. Tofu came out from his office, cleaning his glasses. "How are you today? No new injures?"

"O-of course not." Akane blushed. "Why would there be?"

He chuckled at that. "Oh, I know you martial artists… Hmm? Ranma? When did you get back to Nerima?"

"Hey, Doc! I'm staying with the Tendos for a while. Got back yesterday." Ranma shrugged. "Pops tried to marry me to one of them. Of course… since I'm a girl, we can't…"

"Haven't told them, I see…" Dr Tofu sighed. "And I doubt your father allowed you to have regular check-ups. I should see you soon to check on your… unique condition."

Ranma moaned. "Needles?"

The doctor nodded. "Needles."

"You know each other?" Captain Obvious Akane asked.

"Ranma lived in Nerima for three years," Dr. Tofu answered. "Due to her condition and keeping her from her father, I made house calls to the Saotome home. That is, until her father kidnapped her on her fifteenth birthday…"

"You were kidnapped!" Akane was shocked yet again that day. "What kind of… Ooh, I hate that panda."

"Panda?" Dr. Tofu raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah," Ranma explained. "Shampoo cursed him. Probably it was revenge on my behalf. Or it was just an excuse to leave the village."

"Shampoo?" Akane scratched her head in confusion.

"That's her name. Purple hair, Chinese, still bad Japanese…" Ranma laughed. "She should find me soon."

"So… she's a friend of yours?" Akane asked.

"Yup. Nice meeting you again, Doc… I have to leave, get a school uniform and stuff… He's all yours, Akane…" Ranma patted her on the back and left.

"That! You… Ranko!" Akane blushed.

"Oh, so she's going by Ranko again…" Dr. Tofu snapped his fingers. "I hope she's not doing it just because her mom likes the name."

"Dr. Tofu… Ranko's 'condition'… it's not…" Akane bit her lip.

"No, Akane. Don't worry. She does not have cancer… not that I know of." Dr. Tofu looked into her eyes. "But she does have many secrets that she doesn't like sharing. I hope you can forgive her when it's all over."

"What are you talking about?" Akane tilted her head slightly.

"It's just… Ranko is unique in her way of life. It's hard to explain… and it's not my place, I'm afraid."

"I'll just have to trust you." Akane looked at the clock. "Oh no! I'm going to be late for school!"

And she dashed out the door.

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"BOY!" Genma was pissed. "WHY ARE YOU WEARING _THAT_?"

Ranko raised an eyebrow. "Father, I must obey the dress code for school. It is unladylike to wear something other than this."

Genma's body jerked and popped as steam came out of his ears. "STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS RIGHT! **NOW!**"

Nabiki laughed to herself. "Ranko, I fixed your records for school. I would charge you, but… this is the funniest thing I've seen in years. This one is for free."

"Why, thank you, Nabiki." Ranko smiled and turned towards Kasumi. "And thank you for modifying the uniform to fit me."

"Not a problem at all, Ranko." Kasumi replied with a smile of her own. "My sisters didn't want my old uniforms anyway. And it's been so nice having a kind and exciting guest like you here."

Akane rushed in the front door that moment. "I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

Nabiki smirked. "Sis, hurry up or breakfast will start without you…"

*Slam* Akane's door was heard from downstairs.

"… Wow, she's mad…" Nabiki noticed.

Soun brought out a shogi board. "Saotome, while I'm disappointed you don't have a son, I am glad that you and your daughter are here. Now, please, stop fuming and let's play a game of shogi."

Genma's incoherent noises died down slightly. "Fine… I'm watching you, BOY!"

Kasumi shook her head sadly. "Nabiki, I'm worried for Ranko. What if her father tries to do something?"

Ranko smiled and whispered to the elder Tendo sisters. "Don't worry about him; my mom is coming over soon. She can handle him."

"I _really_ need to invest in video cameras." Nabiki smirked.

"Oh my, breakfast is ready." Kasumi left for the kitchen. "Nabiki, could you get Akane, please?"

Nabiki sighed. "Fine… but I get extra."

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"BOY!" Genma yelled. "Get over here… NOW!"

Ranko ignored him and ate on the other side of the table next to Akane.

"Saotome…" Soun patted him on the back. "I know a thing or two about raising daughters…"

Nabiki laughed at that.

Soun didn't notice his daughter's laughter. "… And you need to give them a bit more slack than sons. PMS and all…"

"Dad…" Akane warned.

"… I mean…" Soun continued. "… It's not our fault that they get crazy every month…"

"Daddy, stop…" Nabiki rubbed her forehead.

Soun didn't notice the angry glares at him. "… And so, give them just a bit of space. As long as they don't get pregnant before marriage, everything will be fine. Just be a strong, amazing figure and they will worship you and make sandwiches… just be sure they can _make_ sandwiches first…"

"Father, quieting your mouth would be most appreciated." Kasumi struggled to say what she really wished to.

"… You may be the man, but they are delicate flowers; so, be careful and gentle. They are innocent because they're girls and are attractive to boys because they're girls. And, of course, they are attracted to boys because they need a big, strong man to lead them…" Soun felt like something was off.

*Splash* Both Fathers were hit with cold water.

"Whoops! I'm sorry, my hand must have slipped," Ranko apologized fakely. "I messed up because I am a girl…"

"Ah. See, Saotome? Now we must forgive her in…" Soun was cut off by Akane being in his face.

"DA-A-AD!" Akane yelled. "Just stop. NOW!"

"Is it that time again, dear?" Soun asked, oblivious.

*WHAM* The table smacked a father in the head…

… Ranko's father, that is.

"Oh my," Kasumi stated.

Akane looked at Ranko funny.

"… What?" Ranko stated. "Like I'd hit YOUR father with a table…"

"… Um…" Soun sweated.

"Daddy, shut up," Nabiki said. "Anyway, I'm leaving. Sis, show Ranko around. She's in your class, after all."

With that Nabiki had left the building.

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Akane and Ranko walked to school, side by side, wearing schoolgirl uniforms, one with a schoolbag and the other with a Chinese hidden weapons bag.

The redhead with her special bag twisted water out of her hair. "Water always seems to like me…"

"I've never seen that old lady ever hit anyone with that water of hers…" Akane mused.

Ranko sighed. "Figures…"

Akane cracked a smile as they continued walking.

Unfortunately, her smile turned into a frown as they neared the school.

"Akane… what's with the anger?" Ranko noticed her new friend's feelings.

"ARRG! I just have something to take care of…" Akane's mood darkened with each step.

"Uh huh… Like what?"

"BOYS!" Akane snarled. "Every day they attack me!"

"… WHAT?" Ranko blurted in disbelief.

Akane sped up, anger growing.

'Attacking her… Why?' Ranko's mind raced to find an answer. 'All I can think of is the Amazon… No…'

"Akane… are they trying to go out with you?" Ranko asked.

"Yes! But all because of… of… KUNO! Nearly all the boys attack me in order to date me!" Akane admitted. "I HATE boys!"

With that cry she charged as hordes of boys came pouring out in front of the school.

"… **WHAT?**" Ranko spewed.

Akane didn't pay her any mind as she venomously attacked the boys, her mind still fresh with male hate of the morning. Genma being a bad father, Soun being… Soun… and nearly getting engaged to a strange boy.

To put it simply, the boys were hit a little bit harder that day.

*Wilhelm scream* A boy went sailing past Ranko... who was sitting cross-legged on the wall, taking off her bag as she watched Akane.

"Wow… Akane is mad today…" Ranko rummaged through her bag to grab something. "I know I have it in here somewhere… Aha!"

"AHHH!" Another boy sailed by the redhead.

*CRACKK!*"AHH! MY SPINE!" a third boy yelled.

"That guy needs some asprin." Ranko was smiling, enjoying herself.

"AHHH! MY ORGANS!" a tennis player yelled.

*Munch* Ranko ate popcorn. "Good one, Akane!" Ranko cheered.

Soon, the dust settled and Akane stood in the yard… alone.

"Ah, Akane… Why, fierce tigress, ist thou so ferocious this day?" Except Kuno, who came out from behind a tree.

"Upperclassman Kuno…" Akane was mostly polite. "Let's get this over with. I…"

"Nice job, Akane," Ranko commented as she came over. "Hey, Kuno. Popcorn?"

"Fair maiden, I… Ranko… Ranko Saotome?" Kuno blinked. "What a marvelous day it is that you have returned to Nerima! Why, my dear sister has been worried this whole time. She shall most appreciate this news."

Akane stood there, jaw dropped.

"Whoops… I forgot to tell her… So… popcorn?" Ranko offered cutely.

"Nay, dear witch, for I am far too busy at the moment. My duel with the sweet Akane Tendo is to begin very soon," Kuno announced.

"Ooh… Well… where's her bokken?" Ranko asked. "Don't tell me you still cheat…"

"I, the Shooting Star of Furinkan High NEVER cheat!" Kuno thrust his bokken in the air.

*Boom!* A boy flew through the air.

"Hmm… The fierce tigress must have knocked him into the mine fields…" Kuno rubbed his chin.

"Kuno… we've been over this. It's not fair to have a swordfight when you are the only one with a weapon," Ranko sighed. "It makes you look like a coward…"

"WHAT?" Kuno bellowed. "I most certainly am not! Sasuke! Bokken!"

"Yes, Master Kuno." Sasuke gave Akane a bokken, who dropped it. "Firmly grasp it in your hand, Miss Tendo…"

She barely did as her senses slowly rebooted.

"Good. I haven't seen a sword fight in years. Hey, Sasuke," Ranko commented as she sat by a tree. "Popcorn?"

Sasuke zipped over there. "Yes! Thank you, Miss Saotome!"

Akane finally reconnected to the outside world and shook her head in frustration. "Ranko!"

"It will be an honorable fight, Akane Tendo…" Kuno spewed.

Akane breathed deeply and positioned herself.

*Strike, strike* Kuno started by thrusting forward twice, causing Akane to block hastily.

"Good…" Kuno took a step forward.

*Bonk, bonk* Wood hit against wood as Kuno pressed his attack.

Akane sweated as Kuno actually started getting close.

*Swoosh* Akane jumped over a strike.

"Now how's your footwork?" Kuno pressed forward, causing Akane to back up.

"If I strike here…" Kuno attacked from the left, causing Akane to move right.

*Bonk* Kuno took a step forward. *Bonk*

Akane took a few steps back to catch her breath and Kuno raised his bokken, being smug as usual.

The pause in the action allowed Kuno to speak again.

"Thou fair Akane…" He was cut off by a…

*Boot to the head* from Akane.

"That didn't hurt," Kuno lied as he fell over, unconscious.

"… That was short…" Ranko observed as she stood up. "You can keep the popcorn."

Sasuke bowed. "Many thanks, Miss Saotome."

"It's Ranko…" Ranko sighed as the ninja left. "What are you looking at?"

Akane rolled her eyes and dragged Ranko inside.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

While Akane was fighting in the yard, a conversation took place a few floors above…

"Wow, Akane is extra mad today, that's for sure," Sayuri commented.

"I know. Hey… who's that on the wall?" Yuka asked as she noticed Ranko.

"I haven't seen her before…" Sayuri stated. "But whoever she is, she's walking towards Akane and Kuno…"

"Wait… I know her!" Yuka's eyes widened. "That's… that's Ranko Saotome, the cute witch of St. Bridget Junior High!"

"**Was**, you mean…" Sayuri corrected. "She's attending Furinkan now…"

Yuka rolled her eyes. "I can see _that_!"

"What is she doing here, anyway?" Sayuri scratched her head. "The last I heard she was kidnapped by her father over a year ago! There was even a reward for whoever brought her back."

Yuka shrugged. "Guess the Tendos got it. She's talking to KUNO?"

Sayuri's eyes widened. "What? Why?"

Yuka rubbed her chin. "I guess it makes sense. She did go to school with his sister… Not to mention she's supposedly the one who got Kodachi Kuno to stop attacking gymnasts…"

"He seems friendly to her…" Sayuri noticed. "Akane looks shocked, though."

"Is… is Kuno allowing Akane to fight him with a bokken?" Yuka was in disbelief.

"Sure looks like it. His ninja is giving her one…" Sayuri shook her head, not believing her eyes.

Both girls watched the following fight, amazed and shocked.

"Ranko… actually got Kuno to fight fair…" Yuka pinched herself. "I'm not dreaming…"

"Well, he was holding back…" Sayuri added. "You've seen his kendo fights."

"I know… but…" Yuka blinked and rubbed her eyes. "It's still… something…"

"They're coming inside… is… is Ranko in OUR class?" Sayuri's eyes widened.

"Probably…"Yuka stated.

The two friends stared at each other, not knowing what to say.

Fortunately for them, the teacher did.

"Alright, students, settle down. Class is beginning…"

*Brinnng!* went the school bell.

Sayuri whispered to Yuka. "They're late…"

"Yeah…" Yuka replied.

Just then, Akane and Ranko came through the door.

The teacher sighed. "Of course…"

Yuka yelled-whispered. "Akane! Hurry, sit down."

The teacher cleared his throat. "Well, it so happens that today we have a new student. Ranko Saotome just got back from being kidnapped. So let's have her feel welcomed here at school."

The class mumbled amongst themselves.

The teacher rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately, both she and Akane Tendo were late. Please stand in the hall!"

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Akane sighed as she and Ranko held buckets in the hall.

"I still don't know why you're mad…" Ranko said suddenly.

"We were late… I don't like being late…" Akane answered, calming down somewhat.

"Yeah… because of the fight…"

"I ALWAYS finish my fights before school!" Akane stressed.

"Not this time…" Ranko saw Akane's face. "What?"

"Nevermind…" Akane let out her breath. "Why did you do that, anyway? Come to think of it, how do you know Kuno?"

Ranko shrugged. "I went to school with his sister. I hate it when he doesn't play fair…"

"Where did you go?" Akane asked.

"St. Bridget…" Ranko put a bucket on her head. "You keep making those faces…"

Akane shook her head. "Are those rumors true?"

"Rumors?"

"Yeah… like Kodachi Kuno is insane and used to attack people, until this witch girl named..." Akane stopped and turned to face Ranko, mouth agape.

"… What?"

"Ranko… why do people think you're a witch?"

"People think I'm a witch?" Ranko raised her eyebrow. "Just because I can do this?"

Ranko used her free hand to rummage through her bag and brought out a pole, which she used to put the buckets on each end and balance it on her head.

"I don't know. I didn't pay attention to them," Akane admitted. "Besides, I think the Kunos themselves started them. The only ones people know are true is that Kodachi is saner and you were kidnapped…"

Akane's eyes narrowed. "I hate your father."

"Akane… I never knew I had a reputation…" Ranko stroked her chin. "I hope this is a good thing…"

"Yeah…" Akane swallowed, "a good thing…" 'People being afraid of you is a GREAT thing…'

"Well, it can't be worse here than there… Only Kodachi would talk to me 'cause they thought anyone who was her friend must have a screw loose," Ranko snorted. "The gymnastic team thought I would do something to them. Scaredy… demon… things…"

"…?..." Akane raised an eyebrow. "Cats?"

*Clank ping splash* Ranko's buckets fell off her head.

"… Yeah…" Ranko calmed herself. "Those…"

"Your water buckets spilled…" Akane was captain of the obvious ship again. "Ranko… I'm just asking you… Please don't do what you did today again…"

"What?"

"I wouldn't want to face Kuno with a bokken again…" Akane sighed. "That's how I got in this mess in the first place…"

"Mess? What mess?" Ranko was mopping up the floor with a mop from her bag.

"The boys attacking me daily…" Akane explained. "At the beginning of the semester, Kuno declared in a speech in front of the whole school that if any boys want to date me, they have to defeat me in battle. Kuno was impressed by my fighting ability because of my family's history. I practiced with samurai weaponry and he would watch me. He figured I was his perfect match when I expressed interest in joining the kendo team."

"Ooh…" Ranko nodded. "So it _wasn't_ your idea…"

"**YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS MY IDEA?**" Akane yelled.

The teacher came out of the classroom. "SSHHH! Quiet out there!"

*Slam* He slammed the door as he went back inside.

"… Yes, I thought it was your idea…" Ranko rubbed her ear. "It's like the Amazon laws in China…"

"Huh?"

"Yeah… any female villager of marriageable age and eligibility must marry any outsider male who defeats her in combat," Ranko explained. "The only exception is to have both sides announce a match of skill instead. Then the laws don't apply."

Akane's jaw dropped.

"… You have GOT to stop doing that," Ranko sighed.

"I… I just wish this would stop…" Akane rested her head against the wall.

"Look, I'll try… If I knew he was going to do this years ago I would have done something."

"You… knew about Kuno liking me?"

"_Obsessing_ over you… yeah," Ranko corrected. "He talked about you and your sisters. Mostly about you, though. That's why I was so calm when I came to your house; I knew you only had sisters. One of whom is a bit of a scrooge and another who's an angel in human form…"

"That's them, alright…" Akane admitted. "We should be able to…"

*RINGGGG!* went the fire alarm.

*Splosh* came on the sprinklers.

"Great…" Ranko noted, soaked. "That's it, let's go."

"Go?"

"Yeah, fire. Means we can go… I don't feel like school anyway…"

"Well, I don't think…"

"We can go see my mom," Ranko stated.

"Um…"

"Pleaa-a-ase-ee!" Ranko used her persuasion skill on Akane.

"Ackk!" Akane crumbled. "Fine, let's go…"

It's super effective!

And so, redhead and bluehead left the dunderheads at school….

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**Author's notes:** yep… more… awesome… Is Ranma perfect? No… her life better? Yep… His life better? I have no idea… Clouds are forming ahead… you wish it was rain. Bye… I'm the Text!

**Authour's notes:** Happy birthday tuatara! Like my present? With me having more time this month, I'll keep you busy with ideas... Noy will have to write a lot more, huh? And with this story, there's a lot-a ways it can go from here. But, since I like my idea of Ranma successfully pulling one over the Tendos, it might not end well... oh well... next month I will make my other half reveal why this arc is called what it is. Can YOU figure it out? O_o Guess! Guess correctly and you can request a pairing for the FUTURE that I'll try to make work... as long as it isn't Yaoi... anal sex is disgusting (there's poop down there) and Noy throws up when that happenz... And there may be a new fic coming this year. It depends really... oh and... Kris Leena... I... she would have wanted me to continue... she told me herself... I'll see you next month... maybe... I've made myself sad... *sniff* thank you... all of you...


	19. Y16III

**_B_**_orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** plot in thick enough levels can cause unintended side affects. Like reading more…

**Caution:** things will not be pretty. Well, there are pretty things, but the premise, not so much.

**Reviews: **are over 100! alichi, I'll see what I can do… Dumbledork, why thank you. The Author gets ego boosts when this happens… I'm just glad that they're happy enough to keep writing. raw666, I have NO idea… I think one thing, tuatara thinks another, Noy thinks a third, and Telinú just laughs madly. Wrin, from everyone here… you're welcome! tuatara, well, it was Telinú's idea... softy under all that insane. kajoshin, well… _Maybe_… Telinú says that you're right, but, was at the same time laughing nervously and muttered something about SpongeBob… gort420, I know, right? Noy Telinú was sick and tired of seeing the same things and the same plots… I was told that they wanted to just come up with something different and then Telinú said "Well, what if Ranma was born that way? Cursed at birth like Taro?" Sometimes it's just that… sea1, been there, done that, twice. Fooled: Day and Night Mutual Slavery and Ranma, the Mutant Catgirl. hero in a cup, Maybe… Telinú laughs when I bring it up… I don't know if that's good or bad… if you want to, vote in the poll… Taeniaea, k thanks. luger 7, Ookay…

**Happy:** 4th of July American people! Oh and to British readers... well... at least you have the Olympics... Canadians... well... um... err... you are nice guys anyway, so... and to everyone else... what's that over there! -)

**Thanks!:** for helping Noy through this, tuatara… and for all those who reads this fic. Thanks.

You have been warned….

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**Year 16 III Triple Krabby Deluxe**

"Ranko, I have a question…" Akane let out her breath as she and Ranko walked to the Saotome home.

"Shoot," Ranma answered nonchalantly.

"How is it that you know so much about me?" Akane asked cautiously.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You know Kuno, you weren't scared about coming to my house… Just… something doesn't seem right…"

"Look…" Ranko sighed. "I know OF you, I don't KNOW you really that well. Just stuff Kuno spouts. And I know him enough to pass it off as his view. He sees the world differently…"

"Like…" Akane prompted Ranko.

"… Like how he sees you as the heroine and him as the samurai winning your heart… Akane, your face is red again…" Ranko put a finger to her chin.

"If you know him so well…" Akane seethed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?"

Ranko sweatdropped. "Um… because it wasn't my business, because I didn't KNOW you, OR thought it was wrong… OR that you hated it…"

"I… it… oh, fine… It's just… ARGGGGGHGHH!" Akane took slow breaths. "This all could have been avoided…"

Ranko nodded. "Yeah, probably."

The two kept quiet for the rest of their journey.

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*Ding… dong* went the doorbell.

"Hello? Who's… Ranko!" Nodoka opened the door to see her daughter. "It's good to see you home."

"Hi, Mom!" Ranko smiled. "This is Akane Tendo. Akane, this is my mother."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Saotome." Akane bowed.

Nodoka smiled. "Same to you. Come, come inside, both of you!"

Ranko glomped her mother for a few seconds before going inside.

The three females sat at the table, tea was served, and there were snacks as well.

"Ranko, aren't you two supposed to be in school at this hour?" Nodoka noticed that the girls were in school uniforms.

Ranko laughed nervously. "Yeah… but the school had a fire, so I just left…"

Nodoka raised an eyebrow. "We will talk about this later. So, you're Akane Tendo. It's so nice to finally see you in person. Tateawaki talks so much about you! What is it like being his girlfriend?"

The pigtailed girl looked away.

"Um… Mrs. Saotome… I don't know what you heard… but… I'm NOT in a relationship with Kuno…" Akane stressed.

"Hm? I thought for sure you two were…" Nodoka tilted her head slightly. "Why, just yesterday he came by and talked about how he was planning something for you this Saturday... Did you break up with him?"

Akane took a deep breath. "We were NEVER in a relationship. He just stalks me, harasses me, and leads a fight against me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Just because he's obsessed with me doesn't make me like him. He won't listen to me and won't stop annoying me. I do not like him. Not… one… bit…"

"Oh…" Nodoka had poured the tea. "That's not what he says… I'll see what I can do. Boys do have trouble accepting no… It seems like you two have trouble communicating…"

Akane took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "Yes. Yes, we do…"

"Did you know this, Ranko?" Nodoka asked her daughter.

"Not until this morning…" Ranma admitted. "They're performing Amazon rituals…"

"Oh dear…" Nodoka's face flashed with concern. "How severe?"

"Restricted to dating at the moment." Ranko stood up. "I'm going to change…"

Nodoka nodded and switched languages. ^Gender or clothes?^

^Clothes… I didn't tell her yet.^ Ranko walked away.

Nodoka sighed. "Sorry about that… but my daughter is being secretive at the moment…"

Akane nodded, but she was surprised at what just happened. "How did you two learn Chinese?"

"Mandarin," Nodoka corrected. "My daughter learned it while traveling inChina. She taught me for a number of reasons… Now, enough about Ranko. I want to get to know you."

Akane nodded. "My name is Akane Tendo. I'm sixteen years old and attend high school with your daughter…."

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"It irritates me, Tendo, how my son continues to defy me…" Genma grunted and moved his piece.

Soun inwardly sighed, but kept his face neutral. "Whatever you say, my friend…"

"Here is your tea, Father, Mr. Saotome." Kasumi smiled as she served tea.

"Thanks, daughter." Soun sipped his tea. "Saotome, look at the bright side. At least our children get along well."

Genma nodded grudgingly. "True… true… I still don't know HOW the boy found a way to be female against my wishes, though."

Soun resisted rolling his eyes. "Aside from that, your… child hasn't disobeyed you or caused any harm…"

"You mean excluding the table to my head?" Genma's eyes narrowed.

"It was YOUR fault, you realize that?" Nabiki commented from the sofa, eating potato chips and watching TV. "You two have pissed off all the females here… even if Kasumi doesn't show it."

"Nabiki!" Kasumi scolded. "You… I… err…"

The middle Tendo daughter smirked. "Am telling the truth? Oh yes, I am…"

"How was I to know that I-" Soun was cut off on his rant.

"Seriously, Daddy?" Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Making you guys sandwiches? That's internet-level misogyny. Heck, Akane's misandry isn't as bad as that."

Soun squirmed.

Genma snorted. "Girls, women… they always overcomplicate things…"

Nabiki sighed. "Whatever…"

*Crash* Genma collapsed on the shogi table.

"Saotome!" Soun's face turned into one of concern. "What happened?"

Genma got up shakingly. "I felt a stab in my soul… It's as if someone out there… was going for my neck…"

"Oh my!" Kasumi herself-ed.

"… Wouldn't surprise me that someone wants to kill you." Nabiki took a potato chip… and ATE IT!

Soun shuddered. "I have a very bad feeling about this…"

Genma nodded.

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Ranko had just finished tying a bow into her pigtail when she felt a heavy weight upon her heart. 'Great… Mom's thinking about having Pops kill himself again.'

With a sigh, Ranko returned to her mother and Akane, ready to try and talk her mother out of the seppuku idea… again.

"… And THAT'S what I think of Ranko's father…" Akane bit angrily into her snack that was provided.

Ranko rolled her eyes and entered the room. "Mom… no… I don't want to argue with you about this AGAIN."

Nodoka was clutching her family's katana and her eyes were narrowed. "Whatever are you implying, my daughter?"

Akane's anger lost its steam as she looked at the two in confusion. "Um… not to intrude…"

Ranko sighed. "Pops signed a contract with Mom that I'd be raised right in exchange for taking me on a ten-year training trip. He was supposed to bring me back here when I turned 12. He fulfilled it… somewhat. Of course, I had to escape him when I was 10 and I had to learn anything about femininity by myself, which wasn't much… So Mom wants him to honor it and commit seppuku. Even though he is a jerk, not that good of a parent, abusive, selfish, and self-centered… he's still my father, so I don't want him to die. Plus, Mom promised not to go out and kill him… That lasted a year."

Akane's jaw hit the floor.

"Alright, what is it with you and doing that?" Ranko sighed. "You'll catch flies."

Akane picked her jaw up off the floor. "I'm not feeling too well… May I use your bathroom?"

Ranko pointed with her thumb. "Right next to the kitchen..."

"Thanks…" Akane hurried to the bathroom, clenching her stomach.

Nodoka and Ranko stood there, not facing each other. A minute passed by, then two. Until…

"Ranko… when will you tell her?" Nodoka suddenly asked.

Said girl sighed. "It'll be sooner than Kodachi… I know that."

"How much sooner?" Nodoka put her sword away.

Ranko sat down, slumping. "Give me nineteen days. That's all I ask."

"Nineteen days?" Nodoka tilted her head. "Why nineteen days?"

Ranko looked towards the bathroom. ^That's when my period starts again. I… I just… *sigh* I hate going through all that hassle… Plus, it means not changing into a boy those days. When I was with Pops this last year, I was irritable when I couldn't sneak off to change into a girl. It's a feeling of… wrongness not to change back and forth… After finally controlling it… not being able to do it is… is just nauseating… I don't want to go through it again. If I want to skip it, I have to start that day as a boy… Just nineteen days… that's all I ask. ^

"I see…" Nodoka sighed. "So… nineteen days…"

"Counting yesterday…" Ranko looked downward. "I didn't think I would have to… but since she's been such a good friend…"

A tear rolled down Ranko's cheek.

"My daughter…" Nodoka stood up and approached Ranko.

Ranko's head lowered and she whispered to her mother. "I'm scared."

Mother embraced daughter and daughter leaned into mother.

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Akane exited the bathroom breathing slowly, feeling better than when she went in. She just got back to the room the others were in when she saw them hugging. Not wanting to ruin this family moment (especially since it brought back memories of her own mother), Akane slipped back into the hallway.

"Akane, it's alright. Come in here," Nodoka called out.

The blue-haired girl reluctantly came back into the room. "I just didn't want to…"

Ranko cut her off. "No, it's fine… I… Are you alright?"

Akane's eyes started to water. "I'm fine…"

Nodoka would have none of that and she got up and hugged Akane. "There… it is alright to cry…"

And Akane did. Her memories of her mother were too much so she cried into Nodoka. It wasn't long until she felt Ranko hugging her from the other side.

They stayed that way for five minutes until Akane pushed them away. "I'm fine now… fine… I don't want to think about it for the moment…"

Ranko rubbed her chin. "I see…"

*Snap* went a redhead girl's fingers.

"I got it. Akane, Mom… let's go get some ice cream together. That cheers everyone up!" Ranko threw her arms in the air, smiling.

"What a wonderful idea, daughter." Nodoka clasped her hands together.

Akane smiled. "Sure, why not…"

Ranko's grin grew to gigantic levels. "When it's settled… FREE ICE CREAM, here we come!"

With that, the trio left to go get ice cream, the Tendo of the group a bit confused.

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Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose, was laughing like the crazed noble she was while jumping through the air across the rooftops of Nerima.

She had just received wonderful news (for her)… The witch had returned.

News travels fast in the area, so once the rumblings of Ranko Saotome being seen at Furinkan High started, it spread all the way to Kodachi rather quickly. So fast did Kodachi rush over that she didn't even hear that there was a fire there.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed. "I'm coming for you, my darling Ranma!"

Of course, she went immediately to the high school and had to interrogate a few poor souls to find out that the redhead had left already.

So it was off to the Saotome home, roof hopping and laughing like crazy.

That's when she saw her, walking down the street.

"Surprise!" Kodachi jumped down right behind Ranko. "Oh ho ho hoho! Ranko… welcome back!"

Akane jumped and spun around, definitely shocked at this.

The Saotomes were much calmer.

"Well, hello there, Kodachi." Nodoka smiled. "Nice to see you."

Ranko was glomped by Kodachi. "Hey, Kodachi… miss me?"

"Oh ho ho hoho! Ranko… Oh, how I've missed you! How did you escape being kidnapped by your father?"

Ranko shrugged. "He took me to the Tendos… Now… um… can you please let go?"

"Oh, fine, fine…" Kodachi looked over to where Akane's eye was twitching. "Akane Tendo… I see that you have befriended the Cute Witch… It seems that my brother's tastes aren't too bad after all…"

"What is THAT supposed to mean?" Akane growled.

Kodachi blinked. "Huh?"

Ranko sighed. "Akane hates your brother."

"…" Kodachi blinked again. "And?"

Akane gripped her head. "HONESTLY!"

Nodoka tilted her head to the side. "Kodachi, do you hate your brother?"

"In a way, Auntie…" Kodachi mused. "But enough about him. Ranko, what happened with your father? He didn't harm you, did he?"

Ranko rolled her eyes. "I'll explain AFTER ice cream…"

"Oh ho ho hoho! I'll join you three, then!" Kodachi pulled everyone into a group hug. "Onward!"

Akane never felt more awkward.

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The group of girls got to the ice cream shop without any further delay.

The ice cream shop, which had been making a profit for the last year, had a new guy on duty when Ranko and company came through the door that day… The poor guy would have a lot of explaining to do.

Worse, Ranko was wearing her pink dress, which, due to it being for a three-year-younger Ranko, it was a bit more revealing than it should be…

All in all, the poor guy might lose his job.

"Not my best, but pretty good, don't ya think?" Ranko ate her parfait like she hadn't eaten it in over a year… which was the truth. "Hey, Akane, you can't eat ice cream with your head on the table."

Akane was murmuring some not-so-nice words before her head was brought up. "You're shameless…"

Ranko had a giant black question mark over her head. Kodachi was staring at Ranko dreamily. Nodoka looked puzzled.

Akane's jaw disconnected from her head and clattered to the floor when she saw the others' reactions.

"Are you implying that's… a bad thing?" Ranko's head tilted sideways. "Why should I be ashamed of receiving free ice cream? Or am I getting the wording wrong? Oh, and Akane… your jaw is under the booth…"

Nodoka's brow furrowed as her spoon was in her mouth. She took it out and used it to tap her lips. "Why should my daughter be ashamed of gaining free food? It is a skill that has served my family well for generations…"

Akane internally sobbed.

"Mmmm… Ranko…" Kodachi ate her ice cream messily, as she was too busy watching Ranko consume her own ice cream rapidly.

'Can this get any worse?' Akane thought as she tried to regain her composure. 'Ranko is shameless… Kodachi is scaring me… and Mrs. Saotome encourages her daughter to do this! Honestly!'

Of course… something happened.

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Kasumi knocked on Nabiki's door. "Nabiki, do you know where Akane went?"

Nabiki shrugged, not that Kasumi could see that. "Dunno… probably with Ranko 'Cute Witch' Saotome…"

Kasumi's eyes widened. "You mean she… Oh my…"

"Yes. Yes, she is, Kasumi… The rumors are real too…" Nabiki smirked from behind the door.

"Are you sure…" Kasumi bit her lip.

"Pretty…" her sister sighed. "Look, we have a cursed panda in our living room, she doesn't get along with said panda, and they have the same name… I'm willing to bet that she does do SOME magic."

"I see…" Kasumi paced in front of the door nervously. "Then… does that mean…?"

"I have no idea if Ranma is male," Nabiki admitted. "No idea…"

"Oh…" Kasumi looked down. "Should we be concerned?"

Nabiki laughed. "I doubt it… From what people have said, she's not a bad person… just… clingy to a fault… I know that type of person, she just wants friends."

"I just hope Akane is alright… I have a bad feeling about this…" Kasumi walked away.

"…" Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Everything will be just… **fine**."

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Ranko had just put the last of her ice cream in her mouth when suddenly…

*BOOM* A wall to the shop was blown apart; a clear hole of seven feet in diameter was visible. Standing in the hole was a smug purple-haired Amazon…

Ranko facepalmed.

"Nihao Ranma! Shampoo here!" The purple-haired girl with the giant colorful maces smiled.

Ranko closed her eyes and whispered to the shocked girls… and her smiling mom. "Get out of here… now."

Kodachi did so without hesitation, dragging Akane with her. Nodoka took a look at her daughter, raised her left eyebrow and followed Kodachi.

"Ahhh! Shampoo!" Ranko screamed halfheartedly. "What's that over there?"

Shampoo lowered her arms, puzzled and looked behind her shoulder.

*Zoom* Ranko ran away.

"Huh? Ranma! Where you go?" Shampoo used her chúi in her left hand to scratch her head. "No matter, Shampoo find."

And with that Shampoo went back out of the hole she made.

"Hey! What the hell? Who's going to pay for this?" The young guy who gave Ranko free ice cream was fired that day…

Meanwhile, in the alley right next to the store…

"Damn it, Shampoo." Ranko pulled her friend by the ear towards the others. "You can't go blowing up the walls of ice cream places!"

"Ow!" Shampoo tried pulling away to no avail. ^Why are you punishing me like this? You aren't my elder!^

Ranko rolled her eyes. ^The old ghoul said that when any of your tribe is here, it's MY responsibility to keep them out of trouble! You're lucky that there are no police in this ward…^

The redhead let go of Shampoo's ear, allowing the Amazon to rub it. ^Still, there is no need to do that, Red…And here was I bringing you some Chinese lanterns as a present…^

"Bonbori?" Ranko raised her eyebrow. "Thanks… I guess…"

Shampoo nodded. ^Now, anything ELSE I should know before you embarrass me again?^

Nodoka smiled, hand covering mouth as the duo finally reached her. ^Shampoo, I presume…^

Kodachi tilted her head sideways, a giant question mark appearing over her head. Akane's eye just twitched instead.

Shampoo glanced at Ranko, who shrugged. ^Yes, my name is Shampoo. I have seen photos of you, Nodoka Saotome. It is a pleasure to meet you, Ranma's mother.^

Nodoka smiled. "Why, thank you. Daughter, you should introduce your friend to the others…"

Ranko sighed. "Akane, Kodachi, this is Shampoo, an Amazon from China. Shampoo, the blue-haired girl is Akane Tendo; the black-haired one is Kodachi Kuno."

Kodachi smirked. "Ah, the elusive Amazon that my darling Ranko has talked about… Impressive…"

Shampoo was confused. "Ranko?"

Ranko explained. ^I'm using that name while here… It's complicated.^

The Amazon nodded in understanding.

"So, you're Shampoo…" Akane started, calm once again. "What brings you here to Nerima?"

Shampoo tapped her mace to her lips. "Shampoo… here to help Ranma… Ranko… and see Japan… Place is nice."

"The Black Rose, however, thinks differently!" Kodachi accused overdramatically.

"You're here to ensnare my darling Ranko! I say to you… not while I AM HERE!"

Ranko sweatdropped. "Alright, time out! Let's get back home and we can discuss things there… I don't want people killing each other over me, got it?"

Everyone nodded, Shampoo in confusion, Kodachi in reluctance, Akane in relief, and Nodoka in joy.

"Good…" Ranko sighed, eyes closed.

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The five females frolicked forward for the Saotome home without any problems. Ranko was in the middle of Shampoo and Kodachi, while Akane chose to walk up ahead with Nodoka to help her own sanity.

"So… the purple-haired one knows about your… abilities, Ranko…" Kodachi thought aloud while being crazily close to the redhead. "Interesting…"

"Shampoo knows Ranma both, yes?" Shampoo narrowed her eyes at Kodachi. "Why rose girl so, so clingy?"

Ranko sighed.

Kodachi twilled a black rose in her hand. "Oh, no reason… None at all, really… Just, Ranma here is so… unique, as it were…"

"Shampoo agree, yes." Shampoo nodded. "No happen before to change on own… Great-grandmother VERY impressed."

"At least you two seem to be getting along…" Ranma hoped.

Kodachi and Shampoo looked at each other… very closely… very, very… closely…

"Shampoo see no threat to Shampoo…" Shampoo nodded.

Kodachi smirked. "If a witch like you can trust one like her… then… I, the Black Rose… see no harm with this foreign girl gajin."

Ranma blinked. "OK... a bit redundant, but that's you… wait… witch… Kodachi, about this whole witch rumor that is going around all over the schools…"

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi's laugh sent a shiver down Shampoo's back. "My, my, my… my darling Ranma… a rumor is only considered a rumor when untrue, no?"

Ranma sweatrdopped. "Well, not really…"

"Shampoo really, really confuse…" Shampoo scratched her head. "What this… 'witch' thing have do with Ranma? Red no witch…"

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi nearly fell over in laughter. "Such foolishness is laughable… Of course Ranma darling is a witch… What else could she be?"

^Shampoo, don't bother. I've spent a year trying to convince her…^ Ranma sighed. "You wouldn't believe 'cursed martial artist with a bag of holding' would you?"

Kodachi fell over. "Oh ho ho hoho! Such an amusing tale…"

Ranma shrugged. ^Told ya…^

Shampoo scrunched her lips. ^Well, I have an idea…^

Ranma's eyes widened.

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Akane took slow, deep, breaths as she walked with Nodoka, reducing her stress greatly.

"Are you feeling better, Akane?" Nodoka asked as they started separating themselves from the others.

"A little… Just… this is a bit too much to take in at once…" Akane admitted.

"I suppose it might be, at that…" Nodoka agreed. "I appreciate your patience with this matter…"

Akane sighed. "It's not easy… I just want to get to the bottom of this…"

Nodoka frowned. "I am afraid that we won't be able to today. Please try not to be judgmental; every one of these girls has had… difficult childhoods and missing parents. The world isn't black and white… it's colored and shaded."

"… I suppose…" Akane thought those words over.

"Glad to hear that." Nodoka smiled.

"Yeah…" Akane hesitated. "Mrs. Saotome… you said missing parents… I… I don't have a mom anymore either."

"Oh… I see…" Nodoka was sullen. "That explains what happened earlier…"

Akane nodded sadly. "You two there… together… It brought back memories…"

"How long ago?" Nodoka asked.

Akane sniffled. "Ten years… I'm sorry, I don't want to say anymore… Maybe it was a bad idea to come visit you with Ranko…"

*Glomp* was Nodoka's response.

"No, no… don't be like that." Nodoka ran her fingers through Akane's hair. "I am glad to have met you. You are a wonderful young lady, Akane Tendo. And I am very grateful that you've made friends with my daughter. Do you regret having met me?"

Akane shook her head. "No, no… it's not that at all… It's just…"

The girl berated herself.

"What is the matter?" Nodoka asked with concern. "Whatever it is, I'll do what I can to make things right."

Akane began crying. "I'm jealous…" she whispered.

"What?" Nodoka was shocked.

"I said I'M JEALOUS!" Akane cried harder. "I know I shouldn't be but… but…"

Akane was sobbing hard. "Ranko has a mother… I don't anymore… She has you… I'm sorry…"

"No… don't be…" Nodoka tried to calm Akane down.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi's laugh was heard.

Akane and Nodoka turned around to see Kodachi, Shampoo and Ranko far, far behind them.

"That was loud…" Akane noted.

Akane and Nodoka looked on awkwardly as the other three slowly, ever so slowly caught up.

The blue-haired girl's tears stopped as she calmed herself.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed again as she fell down.

… At least the spectacle made Akane giggle.

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The five females finally arrived at the Saotome home, the mood brightening a bit.

Nodoka went to go get tea while the four teenagers sat around the table together.

Ranko took a deep breath. "Alright… we're here... Just to make things clear… Akane here is the normal girl in the room, Kodachi is the insane one, and Shampoo is the Amazon… is everyone clear on that?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Sure, fine, whatever."

"'Insane' does not describe the Black Rose as accurately as possible, but it will have to do for now…" Kodachi nodded, eyes closed.

"…" Shampoo stared at Kodachi, head tilted. "Crazy ribbon girl is crazy. Shampoo say fine."

"Good…" Ranko sighed in relief. "Now… let's get to know each other better… Akane, you start…"

"Wait, why not you?" Akane asked.

Ranko leveled Akane a look. "I already told enough about myself to each of you… but if you insist… My name is Ranko while here in Nerima. I lived here for a few years before my father kidnapped me. I went to school with Kodachi, whose father paid for my schooling in exchange for spending with her. Apparently, she spread the rumor that I'm a witch… Thanks a lot, Kodachi."

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi put a hand to her mouth. "You are most welcome…"

Shampoo glared at Kodachi. "Crazy girl, Ranko no witch… She no has hat!"

Akane blinked. "WHAT?"

Kodachi looked away, hand on chin. "Hmm… that is a good point, my purple-haired barbarian friend… Hmm…"

Ranko sweatdropped. "Anyway, Shampoo and I know each other from when I first escaped from Pops. I hid in her village as he searched China. I learned Mandarin and she was taught Japanese… Still not as good with it, though…"

"Hey! Shampoo try!" Shampoo growled.

"And I met Akane as Pops tried to engage me to a Tendo…" Ranko continued.

*Bang* Kodachi's fists slammed onto the table.

"OBJECTION!" Kodachi pointed her finger dramatically at Akane. "If anyone is to be engaged to Ranko, it shall be ME!"

Everyone else sweatdropped, including Nodoka, who just came into the room carrying tea.

"Oookayy…" Ranko spewed out. "Why don't you talk about yourself, Kodachi…"

"Gladly!" Kodachi smiled. "I, the Black Rose…"

[One hour later] A colorful sign with undersea flowers said.

"… And that's when Ranko said that she had to tell me something very important…" Kodachi spewed.

Ranko, who was dozing off, had her eyes shoot open. "Kodachi… no…"

"… That she was a witch!" Kodachi said smugly.

*Bang* Ranko's head hit the table.

Akane was asleep, however, and the bang woke her up. "Huh… what? Oh… OH NO! It's late!"

Akane stood up and bowed. "I'm sorry, but I have to go… Goodbye."

"Bye!" Everyone else chorused.

Once Akane was gone, Ranko glared at Kodachi. "Don't tell her about me being able to be male, got it?"

Kodachi smiled and nodded happily, causing everyone else to sweatdrop.

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**Author's notes:** Well, you ALL got it wrong! The 19-day arc wasn't guessed right. Not even by tuatara, who has physic powers! But don't feel too bad... hey, why don't you vote on the poll? That should make you guys feel better. Until we meet again, bye! I am the Text!


	20. Y16IV

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** people die if they are killed. The more you know…

**Caution:** you shouldn't read me while drinking EXCEPT when playing the drinking game. Please get drunk responsibly.

**Reviews:** yay! Alichi, welcome! Oh, it will… oh it will… but who will be on what side would be unknown. Red Reaper, yes, stroke the ego! Stroke it! Richard Ryley, it's weird, Nodoka is portrayed different from other authors… these ones are crazy, but loving… but also crazy. That's how she should be. hero in a cup, I am guessing 882 pieces of Aztec gold, the user number of fukufics, cursed to live undead. O_O raw666, k. Dumbledork, I have NO idea. Kodachi has built up an immunity to laughing gas… and most chemicals… and flowers. Raynze76, a ton of dialogue. Noy knows how to keep it working… somehow… dana-san, well… for females, Shampoo knows and respects Ranma, Kodachi thinks it's fascinating, Ukyo was the one that told Ranma that he is a she and a he. As for males… Mousse is… Mousse… and Kuno will NEVER be told (I'm guessing…) Ryoga is unknown. So, yeah… it might actually turn out like _Friends_… with a dual gendered lead. luger 7, AHHHHHHH! You said something else! It's the end of the world! Guest, it's Genma… that is all. ShineX, I agree as well. Ranma is pretty smart and I know of children that age that were like that. Well… here you go. Majishan, surgar does drive kids crazy and yes, canon is far, far away. Dopplerdee, yes stroke that ego-CATGIRL! =^_^= YAY! Oliverbeck, holy crack! Really stroking the ego now! WOW! I think Noy has made it now…

**Thanks:** tuatara for everything and stuff and everything…

You have been warned…

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**Year 16 IV Make It Cry**

"Oh, dear…" Kasumi worried as she finished dinner. "Akane still hasn't come home yet… and I haven't seen Ranko either…"

Kasumi mused over this piece of information just as Nabiki came into the kitchen with a camera.

"Hey, have you seen Akane?" Nabiki asked, chewing bubblegum and scratching her head. "I haven't seen her at all… or even in school for the most part, really…"

Kasumi sighed and shook her head sadly. "No… I haven't seen Ranko either… Do you think…?"

Nabiki shugged.

Suddenly, a thunderous pounding of footsteps were heard.

*Zoom* A blue blur passed through the house.

The older Tendo daughters blinked.

"…" Nabiki left for Akane's room. "Akane's here…"

Kasumi nodded and finished dinner.

[Food ready?] A sign from a panda appeared in front of Kasumi's face.

"Oh my!" The oldest Tendo daughter put a hand to her mouth as she saw that Genma was wet, a tea cup in his hand.

The two stared at each other before Genma finally left for the furo.

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"So… we're good?" Ranko asked as she, Shampoo and Kodachi sat around the table. "We are all good here? No killing each other?"

The other girls nodded.

"Good…" Ranko sighed.

Nodoka walked into the room. "It is nice having people over… Do any of you wish to stay for dinner?"

Kodachi nodded enthusiastically. "It will be an honor."

Shampoo bowed. "Shampoo like to, yes?"

Ranko stood up. "I have to call the Tendos… Sure hope Pops doesn't do anything stupid."

Nodoka clenched her katana while Shampoo rolled her eyes and Kodachi growled… Well, growled like a noble… whatever that means.

"Shampoo make panda rug, easy." Shampoo smiled evilly.

Kodachi scoffed. "Hunting a panda is child's play… not to mention completely irrelevant."

Shampoo rolled her eyes.

Nodoka breathed slowly. "Kodachi, my husband, Ranko's father… is cursed to be a panda…"

"A **fat** panda," Shampoo interjected.

Kodachi laughed and hit the floor. "Oh! Oh My! That is… Oh ho ho hoho!"

Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "You call Shampoo liar?"

Kodachi laughed even harder.

As the two girls argued and laughed, Nodoka had an idea.

"Kodachi, dear…" Nodoka started.

"Yes… Oh ho ho hoho! Sorry… yes, Mother?" Kodachi composed herself the best she could.

"You say my daughter is a witch, correct?" Nodoka clarified.

Kodachi nodded, albeit struggling to not laugh.

Nodoka continued. "And you have admitted that my daughter can change into my son, right?"

Shampoo smiled slowly as she realized what Nodoka was doing.

Kodachi nodded, holding back her laughter.

"Then, wouldn't she be able to change her father into a panda?" Nodoka asked.

Kodachi's eyes widened to giant sizes.

It was now Shampoo who had to resist laughing.

She failed…

^Bahahahaaahaha!^ Shampoo laughed and fell to the ground, feet in the air.

Nodoka smiled and placed a hand in front of her mouth.

Kodachi put a finger to her mouth and with furrowed eyebrows thought over this new piece of information.

A moment passed, then another, and another, AND another… Finally, Kodachi spoke up.

"Seems legit…" Kodachi answered. "The likelihood of a witch of Ranko's caliber being proficient enough to perform such a feat of witchcraft as to turn one's father into a panda is quite high."

Shampoo blinked and shook her head. ^What does she mean? My Japanese isn't that good… remember?^

Nodoka smiled hopefully. ^'Close enough.'^

Kodachi then continued. "Would it be possible in any way for the cute witch to use her abilities turn my brother into a sister? His obsession with the Tendo girl has gotten most annoying."

Nodoka sighed. "You would have to ask her yourself…"

^BAHAHAHAAAHA!^ Shampoo laughed again, falling to the floor, feet in the air.

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"Hello? Tendo residence, Kasumi speaking," the oldest Tendo daughter answered the phone politely.

"Hi, Kasumi… It's me, Ranko… Anyway, I'm staying with my mother right now… catching up and stuff. I won't be coming over until tomorrow."

"Oh My," Kasumi worried. "I don't think your father will like that…"

Ranko sighed. "I know… but I have a plan. Tell him that I was kidnapped by pirates."

"…" Kasumi frowned. "I do not like to lie…"

"Look, he's going to go to huge lengths to try and get me to marry one of you, and he can be extremely violent. I don't want any of you hurt in the crossfire."

"Oh my… oh dear…" Kasumi fretted. "Didn't you say that your mother can handle him?"

Ranko paused. "Yes… she can… I got it… After we eat dinner, my Mom and I will come over."

"I don't know…" Kasumi bit her lip. "Your father has been asking where you've been…"

"I… uh… err…" Ranko sighed. "I'll be over there in a minute…"

"Ranko, no… you don't…" Kasumi was cut off.

"He will come look for me if I don't," Ranko groaned. "See you soon… bye."

The redheaded girl hung up the phone.

"Mom?" Ranko looked into the dinning room to see Shampoo laughing.

"Yes, Ranko?" Nodoka answered.

"I'm going over to the Tendos' to make sure things don't get ugly. Please come over when you finish eating dinner… Pops is going crazy." Ranko requested. "I don't want things to get worse."

Nodoka nodded slowly. "Alright, daughter. It has been a long time since I've seen your father…"

Ranko took a deep breath and nodded. "See you two later."

Kodachi laughed. "I will come with Mother, my dear Ranko… Oh ho ho hoho!"

Shampoo got herself to stop laughing. ^I will come as well… I want to be sure nothing bad happens… and I am itching for a fight.^

"Oh, fine…" Ranko sighed. "Bye!"

And with that, Ranko left the building.

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"Oh, my…" Kasumi put a hand to her mouth as Ranko hung up.

That's when Nabiki walked into the kitchen. "Food ready yet?"

Kasumi nodded absently. "Yes… Yes, it is."

"O-o-o-o-okay…" Nabiki tilted her head. "Akane won't say anything about where Ranko is. All Sis did was scream at me for being in her room and rush to get dressed. Prude…"

Kasumi thought to herself as she grabbed the prepared food and left for the other room.

Just then, Akane raced down the stairs, her breath heaving. "I'm… I'm here… I… *gasp* am ready… to eat… Whoo…"

Nabiki came up to her younger sister and crossed her arms. "So… where's Ranko? Not that I care, but her father is annoying me."

"Uh…" Akane was cut off by a booming voice.

"WHERE. IS. MY! SON?" Genma demanded furiously as he walked out from the bathroom.

Soun, sitting at the table, sighed. "Old friend…"

"Well, hi there," Ranko announced as she walked into the room. "Hmm? Father, you seem rather angry at the moment. Perhaps it is due to the hallucinations that you have been suffering recently. How tragic to think that you, my own father, would forget that he has a daughter instead of a son. It is such a saddening sight."

Genma was as red as his daughter's hair, steam was coming out of his ears, his eyebrows were narrowed… he was just flat-out PISSED. "BOY! I. HAVE. **HAD IT** WITH THIS NONSENSE. WHERE. DID. YOU. GET. A. **DRESS?**"

As most of the people in the room gasped, Ranko was nonchalant.

"That's why I was late, Father… Akane and I were looking at dresses and I couldn't possibly refuse to purchase this one," Ranko lied.

As the blue-haired girl in the room grew confused at the obvious lie Ranko spewed, her father spoke up, unable to keep quiet any longer.

"Saotome, please… this has gone on far enough. Let us eat," Soun pleaded with his friend.

Genma wouldn't listen, however, and lashed out towards Ranko. "**I'VE HAD IT!**"

The middle-aged martial artist rushed Ranko and ensnared her in his arms as he took her out of the house in the blink of an eye.

Akane tried to react, but couldn't move fast enough.

The whole room was silent as the Saotomes disappeared.

It only took a few moments before Akane shook her head clear. "Where are they? Where? RANKO!"

"Oh, my." Kasumi looked around. "You don't think…"

Soun let out a sad sigh. "I have a very bad feeling about this. Come daughters, we must look for them. Saotome seems to have lost it mentally."

"Wow, Daddy, why are you friends with him, again?" Nabiki asked, disgusted.

Akane ran out to the backyard and looked around frantically. "RANKO! Where are you?"

The Tendos left the dinner on the table and went out looking for the redheaded girl and her father.

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*SLAM* Ranko was shoved into the outer wall of the Tendo property in the area behind the house.

The girl was imbedded a good foot into it when Genma grabbed her by the jaw.

"How did you figure out a way to control your curse?" Genma spoke firmly. "HOW did you get cursed AGAIN?"

Ranko's heart raced to extreme levels. "No idea wh-"

*CRACK* Genma's fist was driven right into the wall next to Ranko's head.

"Don't lie to me, boy…" Genma snarled.

"…" Ranko swallowed loudly. "You wouldn't believe an 'I don't know,' would ya? *GAK*"

Genma choked his daughter with his powerful hand. "Time away from me didn't make you any smarter, did it?"

Ranko gasped for air as her father lessened his grip.

"Now, tell me the TRUTH," Genma warned.

Ranko narrowed her eyes and spat. "Go to hell, old man."

That's when she coughed up blood as Genma drove his fist into her stomach.

"And here I thought you had a high learning curve," Genma sighed in disappointment and shame. "How many bones do I have to break for you to answer?"

Ranko coughed and looked her father in the eye. "Go ahead and try it. You can't marry me to a Tendo when I'm a girl. This means nothing."

*SLAP* Genma backhanded his daughter, creating a handprint on her cheek.

"Perhaps I've been handling this wrong," Genma muttered. "I've been treating you as a boy instead of the weak girl that you are."

Ranko chuckled. "Girls… weak… As if. You're right though, somewhat. I _am_ a girl right now, and no amount of hot water will change me back."

*SLAP* Genma hit Ranko's other cheek.

"You're a feisty little one, but you'll soon learn some respect." Genma grabbed the front of Ranko's dress. "I have need of you to be nude; ripping off this dress will fit that purpose nicely."

Ranko's eyes widened. "No, no, NO, **NOO**!"

Genma slapped the redhead twice, harder than before. "Then… speak."

Ranko's eyes watered. "You monster… You… you monster…"

"Shut up, RANMA!" Genma yelled. "Too late… Wait… Ranma… you called yourself Ranko…"

The bald man's eyes widened before narrowing. "You've seen her… as a girl…"

*CracK* Ranko coughed up more blood as Genma punched her in the ribs, right between her breasts.

"You were hiding from me, in Tokyo… for years… AS A GIRL!" Genma punched her again in the ribs. "THAT'S why you've gotten weak."

Ranko sniffled. "I-I'm not weak…"

Genma chocked her again. "Yes, you are… you girl… because you don't have the strength, the _balls_ to escape."

*SQUISH* Genma's mouth opened wide and he let go of Ranko to grasp between his legs.

"Falcon Kick, Pops…" Ranko smirked and pulled herself out of the wall. "Falcon Kick… Who's weak now?"

Genma staggered to his knees. "Why, you dirty… little…"

*BAM* Genma lost consciousness as Ranko's heel found the back of his head.

"I've got to thank Kodachi for having Nintendo…" Ranko winced as she felt her injuries. "…And for being a cruel mistress in teaching."

With that, Ranko dragged her father into the house.

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Akane's heart was beating faster than she had ever remembered.

"RANKO!" the blue-haired girl yelled out for her friend.

She was scared for the redhead's safety. Akane knew that Ranko's father was extremely angry with his daughter and Akane was aware enough to see that Genma was sufficiently blinded by anger to hurt Ranko.

"RANKO!" Akane cried out at the next street corner.

Worse, Akane witnessed how fast Genma moved. She barely saw it as he grabbed Ranko and took off. Akane knew that some fathers were abusive, but she didn't know anyone who could move that fast.

"RANKO!" Akane was really frightened now. "**RANKO**!"

Meanwhile, Soun was running in the opposite direction.

"Saotome!" Soun called out. "Please stop this!"

The Tendo patriarch was afraid that this might happen. His friend was never this violent or insistent before.

'Perhaps he has gone insane from trying to get a son. It would explain why he would go to Jusenkyo. Now that its mystery is solved, I am afraid that he will try to make his daughter a son.' Soun reached the edge of the ward. "SAOTOME!"

Of course, neither Genma, nor his daughter were anywhere near him.

While that was happening, Nabiki was eating an ice cream cone.

"Nothing, huh?" Nabiki took a lick. "Then how did that hole get there?"

The ice cream manager shrugged. "Worker said some purple-haired girl did it. Don't know much else. I fired him. He gave away enough free ice cream for 300 people."

"Wow." Nabiki licked her ice cream cone erotically. "Why'd he do that?"

The manager sighed. "He got distracted by the customer, a rookie mistake. Although, to give up THAT much ice cream it must only have been Ranko…"

"So, she was here…" Nabiki thought this over.

"Yeah, I guess she was. But that was hours ago." The manager sighed sadly. "I might lose my business if Ranko eats here again. When she disappeared last year I actually had a profit. Maybe I should only hire girls to work the register…"

"That's smart and progressive," Nabiki commented. "Oh, well, thanks for the ice cream. Remember, it's on Kuno, alright?"

"Sure thing…" the manager replied.

And while _that_ was happening, Kasumi was searching the house, not in any hurry and with a smile on her face.

She heard some yelling and frowned, but by the time she got to the backyard, it stopped.

'I wonder where they could be…' Kasumi thought. 'If they aren't found soon, the food will get cold.'

With worry creeping into her, Kasumi walked back into the house to save dinner.

That's when she saw Ranko dragging in a panda through the door to the koi pond.

"Oh, hey, Kasumi. Where did everyone go?" Ranko asked as she looked around.

Kasumi smiled, eyes closed and head tilted. "They were looking for you."

"Huh? Weird…" Ranko shrugged. "Hey, Kasumi, do you have any metal lying around?"

"No. I am afraid we don't in this house…" Kasumi answered sadly.

"Have to improvise." Ranko bit her lip. "I need something to sedate him."

"Oh, I know the perfect thing for that." Kasumi hummed as she walked into the kitchen and rummaged through some cabinets. "This should work."

Kasumi presented Ranko with a tray of cookies… made by Akane.

To Ranko, however, the cookies looked simply like burnt balls of dough.

"What the heck is this?" Ranko covered her nose.

Kasumi shrugged. "Iuhho."

Ranko picked one up and force fed it to her father, who went from unconscious to awake and gagging.

"Oh, shoot!" Ranko grabbed the tray and hit her father over the head with it.

*BANG*

Genma fell over, unconscious once again.

Ranko tapped her lips with her finger. "How much of that stuff do you have?"

Kasumi gasped. "Oh my…"

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Three females with different-colored hair saw another female with yet another hair color and tears in her eyes standing on a street corner, calling out a name.

"Ranko!" Akane cried, exhausted from running all over the area.

"Hello, Akane… what brings you out here at this hour?" Nodoka asked, her head tilted slightly to the left.

All Akane could do was make bubbly noises as she was too tired and cried too much to say anything coherent.

"Ranko was kidnapped again? HOW DARE HE!" Well… for most people. "Kodachi Kuno shall avenge the cute witch!"

"Smash Panda now?" Shampoo smiled evilly. "Shampoo in, bring sword."

Nodoka frowned. "What did my husband do?"

Akane cleared her throat of mucus and was able to speak so that other people besides Kodachi could understand her. "Ranko's father… He grabbed her and took off… Been looking for them… for a while…"

"This is worse than I thought…" Nodoka gripped her wrapped sword tightly.

Shampoo shrugged. "Red take care of self. Very crafty she is."

Kodachi was already halfway down the street. "Yes, the witch that is cute can use her magic to make him a panda! How devious."

"Lets get you home, Akane." Nodoka hugged the crying girl. "You don't look so well."

Akane tried to resist, wanting to stay out looking for her friend… but she was too tired to put up a fight and was escorted home by the others.

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Nabiki simply walked into her home, not concerned at all about what had happened.

"Hey, Kasumi," the middle Tendo said in a bored tone. "Can we eat yet?"

"Nabiki…" Kasumi frowned sadly.

"There, that should do it… maybe…" Ranko informed Kasumi as she walked into the room, dusting off her hands. "Hey, Nabiki. Where were you?"

Nabiki shrugged. "Getting free ice cream while the others worried like crazy, wondering what happened to you."

Ranko blinked. "So… you weren't worried."

Nabiki smirk. "Why would I be? I'd think a witch can protect herself."

"Aw, man. Not you too," Ranko groaned. "Why would anyone believe that?"

"Says the girl who has a panda for a father…" Nabiki countered.

"…" Ranko frowned. "Touché."

Kasumi sat down at the table and had a hand to her mouth. "I hope Akane and Father don't take too long…"

The other two girls sat, bored, as they waited.

Nabiki tried to grab a bite, but Kasumi kept frowning at her. It was unsettling. A Kasumi frown is a dangerous thing.

The minutes ticked by slowly.

Ranko's stomach growled.

Nabiki drummed her fingers on the table impatiently.

Kasumi wrung her hands in worry.

That's when Ranko snapped her fingers. "I forgot that Pops has to eat too…"

"Oh my… But he is a Panda at the moment…" Kasumi voiced her concern.

"And I don't care at all." Nabuiki slumped at the table. "Maybe if I just eat…"

Kasumi frowned.

"…" Nabiki narrowed her eyes. "You're cruel."

"Here, Ranko. I got this for your father." Kasumi pulled out a plate of bamboo.

Ranko smiled joyously. "Great! Now there's more food for us."

"If only we can EAT IT!" Nabiki stressed.

"Now, now, Nabiki… it's rude to eat before Akane and Father come home," Kasumi scolded.

"Stupid politeness," Nabiki muttered.

Ranko shrugged and brought the bamboo to her panda of a father.

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Soun Tendo placed his hand on a wall to catch his breath, not exercising this much in three years.

'Think, Tendo, think…' Soun thought to himself thoughtfully with his thoughts… or so he thinks. 'Where would Saotome go when wanting not to be disturbed?'

Soun scratched his head, rubbed his temples, and even banged his head against the wall. None of this got him any closer to the answer.

"Saotome!" Tendo shouted, hoping that his friend would listen to reason.

After a few moments passed without any response, Soun slumped dejectedly.

'Where am I, anyway?' Soun thought to himself and looked to the wall.

[Tendo School of Indiscriminate Grappling] the sign read.

Soun facefaulted in disbelief.

"I… I am back home… I'll never find Saotome at this rate…" Soun whined.

"That too too bad," Shampoo said smugly right behind him. "Panda man all Shampoo's…"

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed. "That's what you think…"

Soun looked up to see Shampoo and Kodachi glare at each other.

"Hi… Dad…" Akane greeted softly and tiredly. "Didn't find them either… huh?"

"Daughter… I am sure Saotome wouldn't…" Soun cried as he tried to cheer up his daughter. "He isn't…"

Nodoka's head popped into his vision. "Oh, dear… Mr. Tendo, don't worry. I'll find my husband. But first, you two should get back inside your home…"

Soun nodded and was helped to his feet.

When suddenly…

"WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY? I'M STARVING!" Nabiki's voice was heard by those outside.

They all sweatdropped.

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"Nabiki…" Kasumi frowned.

"WHAT?" Nabiki's eye twitched. "I… AM… HUNGRY!"

"Oh my…" Kasumi brought a hand to her forehead.

Ranko, meanwhile, had gotten the bamboo to her father, slipping some of that stuff Kasumi found into the cracks.

Said panda was tied up with a freakishly large amount of rope in the guest room.

'Pops, Pops, Pops… Can't you stop meddling in my life?' Ranko looked at her father sadly. 'And you don't even realize that Mom wants to kill you.'

With a sigh, Ranko walked out of the room.

When suddenly…

"FINALLY YOU TWO SHOW UP!" Nabiki yelled from downstairs.

Ranko rolled her eyes and walked down the stairs.

That's when Genma's left eye shot open, his eyebrow narrowed downward as a growl came from his throat.

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"Oh my… Father, are you well?" Kasumi asked.

Soun, who just sat down at the table, shaking his head…

*BAM*

…And his head hit the table loudly.

"Oh my." Kasumi placed an icepack on her father's head.

That's when Akane came in like a zombie.

"Hi, Kasumi…" Zombie Akane moaned, "Have you seen Ranko?"

Kasumi was about to answer when Nabiki yelled. "JUST SIT DOWN SO I CAN HAVE MY FOOD!"

Kasumi sighed. "Nabiki has been a little impatient…"

"IT'S BEEN **FOUR** HOURS!" Nabiki pulled at her hair. "FOUR… HOURS!"

Akane sat down gloomily.

When suddenly…

"Oh, there you are, Akane." Ranko walked into the room and sat down. "Where were you?"

Akane's jaw dropped.

"That's getting really annoying," Ranko commented.

Soun's head shot up. "Ranko? Where's…"

"WHO CARES? THANK YOU FOR FOOD I EAT NOW! RAHH!" Nabiki dug in ferociously.

Everyone else at the table sweatdropped.

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Nodoka, Kodachi, and Shampoo stood in the kitchen, making small talk with each other.

Shampoo poked her head through the curtain that separated them from the others. ^Red is eating… there is no sign of her father, the Panda Man.^

Nodoka nodded. ^We shouldn't disturb her. She needs to eat.^

Shampoo agreed and pulled her head back.

^Ah eeh ehh ehh ehh yapapapaPa!^ Kodachi spewed.

Shampoo and Nodoka had giant question marks over their heads.

"What you say?" Shampoo asked.

"…" Kodachi blinked. "What? You accuse the Black Rose of speaking incorrectly?"

Shampoo nodded.

Kodachi crossed her arms. "Perhaps I spoke too fast for your small intellect. But I shall try once more…" ^Ching chang wii chang chong chi shan sman yu!^

Shampoo facepalm. "You is stupid language."

Koldachi had a good retort to retort back at Shampoo, but then something happened.

A *CRASH* came above, on the second floor.

"What that?" Shampoo asked.

When the other two shrugged, all three of them poked their heads outside the curtain.

Suddenly, Ranko turned towards the stairway.

*THUMP* Genma appeared, stomping on the floorboards at the bottom of the stairs.

Everyone's eyes widened as a blinding aura surrounded Genma.

[THIS. ENDS. NOW!] Genma's sign declared.

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**Author's notes:** cliffhanger! OooOoh… what will happen next? Things are going to get messy…

Oh, and the poll is now officially closed. To find out what won, look at the profile page or tune in to Noy's spamfic 007! This is the Text, saying holy crack this has gotten dark!


	21. Y16V

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** this fic has started to get dark. It was foreshadowed hugely, so it's not like this came out of nowhere.

**Caution:** seriously, Ranma was shown to be abused a freaking ton first hand. Physical, emotional, and financial abuse were really obviously done to Ranma. Plus, in canon, Ranma did what Genma wanted for the most part, so he had no reason to force Ranma to do anything physically. This time, though, Ranma has pissed Genma off in three ways. One was running away from him for years, two, tricked him about the curse, and three, Ranma tricking the Tendos to think that Genma is insane by staying a girl. This forces his hand as his whole plan is foiled.

**Reviews:** are climbing high. Weird Beard, well, yes, yes he is. It's due to the above. His hand is forced. He can't be lazy at all when his child is deliberately disobeying him. And Ranma's friends, what to do? Shampoo met him once and cursed him with panda water. Kodachi hasn't seen him before. Akane got p'wned. Nodoka hasn't seen him in years. Kasumi is Kasumi, and Nabiki is evil. jabber185, yes, it might just. It'll be a crazy time. A crazy, crazy time. Dumbledork, don't give me ideas, please. I want to be able to finish fics! ^_^ It won't happen… in this fic that is. -_^ alichi, Mayyybeee… hero in a cup, yes, yes it will be… for a while. Richard Ryley, it wasn't what you thought it was. Not your fault, it just seems that way. It was more of a destroying girl clothes rather than sexual abuse. Embarrassment was what he was going for. Genma's not THAT evil. Screaming Dean, K. luger 7, yep. Thunderstorm101, sorta.

You have been warned…

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**Year 16 V Burn It**

Genma stomped slowly, deliberately towards Ranma. Each step bent the floorboards slightly as the heavy feet of his panda form pressed into the floor.

Shampoo suddenly rushed forward, weapons in hand. "Shampoo make panda rug now."

*Whap* Shampoo went flying through the roof courtesy of a backhand by Genma.

Kodachi pulled a ribbon out from her leotard and laughed like mad. "Such a magnificent beast! I must have it!"

The ribbon wrapped around Genma's arm.

The panda walked forward, unaffected, throwing the ribbon and Kodachi through the roof screaming.

Genma reached the table, a scowl across his face.

"NO!" Akane yelled as she jumped in front of Ranma. "Don't you DARE touch her!"

Genma growled at the blue-haired girl.

"Saotome, this has gone far enough!" Soun stood up angrily.

The panda narrowed his eyes at Soun, and then was a blur.

Suddenly behind his daughter, Genma picked her up by the neck.

"Genma, put my daughter **DOWN**!" Nodoka commanded as she slowly walked into the room, family sword in hand.

Genma sweated at this proclamation, but held firm. 'I won't let my fear get in the way. The boy has ruined EVERYTHING!'

The two parents stared down each other. Ranma was still calmly eating, neck only a little strained. Kasumi had her hand to her mouth. Soun was backing away slowly. Nabiki got out a bag of popcorn. Akane stood shocked. Lastly, Kodachi and Shampoo peeked through the door to the outside.

"Genma…" Nodoka repeated herself. "Put. My. Daughter. **DOWN**!"

Her panda of a husband didn't move.

Akane shook her head clear and jumped at Genma, a fire in her eyes.

Her target sidestepped easily without looking.

Akane found herself in the arms of Shampoo as she rushed in and caught her.

Kodachi walked into the room as well.

Soon, three teenaged girls and one pissed-off mother were all shooting daggers from their eyes at Genma as he held Ranma by the neck.

It was a standoff, with Soun retreating and Nabiki eating popcorn.

*Clunk* An empty bowl was put on the table.

"Bored now," Ranko declared as she finished eating.

Suddenly, Genma fell over in pain as his daughter sent her heel into his groin.

"Get him!" Kodachi shouted.

Genma was swarmed by Shampoo, Kodachi and Akane all at once, each wanting a piece of him.

Ranko, meanwhile, was let go and calmly walked over to her mother.

"Please don't kill him," was all she said before going back to the table and watching the beating, stealing some of Nabiki's popcorn.

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Genma awoke groggily to darkness.

His eyes were swollen shut, cuts were evident all over his body, and he was exhausted.

"Panda stir," Shampoo announced. "Shampoo hit, yes?"

Genma shook his head, wondering what was going on.

He could hear Soun and Nodoka argue in the next room, but he couldn't tell what was being said.

"Go ahead, I don't care," Nabiki commented.

Shampoo obliged and Genma was unconscious yet again.

Ranko sighed. "You're going to give him brain damage that way."

Shampoo shrugged. "Panda man brain no good anyway."

"No argument there," Nabiki agreed. "So… what are you going to do with him? You can't leave him in chains inside the dojo forever. We only have so many drugs to keep him sedated."

"I don't know." Ranko looked away. "I really don't know…"

"Shampoo vote panda rug," Shampoo voiced her opinion.

"No, Shampoo. You aren't killing him," Ranko spoke in monotone. "But we do need to get him away from me. That's for certain."

"Ranko, this whole 'not killing' thing is going to bite you one day," Nabiki pointed out. "After all the crap he put you through, I'm shocked to see you not wanting to kill him."

"I just don't, alright?" Ranko retorted. "It's something he would do. I'm a better person than him."

Nabiki rolled her eyes.

"This why you have crazy ribbon girl keep overly emotional girl away?" Shampoo asked.

Ranko nodded. "Akane would really want to kill him. Maybe… maybe if there was a way to do this… peacefully?"

Shampoo tapped her lips with her mace while Nabiki laughed.

"Oh, that's a good one. Peaceful! HA!" Nabiki held her face. "The martial artist who's surrounded by violent maniacs wants to do things peacefully."

"Violent maniacs?" Shampoo raised an eyebrow.

Nabiki shrugged. "Sure, you and Kodachi are both violent maniacs…"

Ranko crossed her arms and interrupted the middle Tendo. "So what if I do? I want to have a father, no matter how badly he treats me."

Nabiki smirked. "Ranko, Ranko, Ranko. You're in an abusive relationship and are trying to stay in it when it's stupidly dangerous. It seems like I'm witnessing a bad sitcom… but with martial artists and magic. It's fun to watch, really."

Ranko turned away, knowing Nabiki was right.

Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo have idea. Need phone."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Okay, this way…"

The middle Tendo lead the girl from the tribe of female warriors to the phone in the kitchen.

Ranko replayed what Nabiki said over and over again, tears forming in her eyes.

'Why can't you accept me for who I am, Pops?' Ranko closed her eyes. 'Why do you have to ruin my life?'

Needing fresh air, Ranko left the dojo to sit outside.

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"Kodachi!" Akane complained as she struggled against the rich girl's ribbons that tied her up. "Let me go!"

During the beating of Genma, it appeared that Akane was trying to kill him. It was Ranma's concern that led to Kodachi entangling Akane by surprise with vast amounts of ribbons to hold her back while Genma was chained up. Due to being so angry, Akane ended up getting more entangled. That, along with the ultra-tough ribbons Kodachi used, meant that Akane wouldn't be going anywhere.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed. "My, my, the Tendo girl is putting up a marvelous fight."

Akane felt a shiver run throughout her body. "Kodachi! Stop that!"

The Kuno daughter smiled wickedly. "Ooooh… stop what, blue-haired girl?"

Akane's anger rose. "Stop… IT! Let me go! I have a panda to kill!"

Kodachi tsked and shook her finger back and forth. "Such a bad, bad girl. Pandas are an endangered species."

The youngest Tendo facefaulted.

"Hey, Akane, how's the floor?" Nabiki smirked as she walked into the room.

"Shut up…" Akane mumbled.

"Your sister has been quite the hassle," Kodachi informed Nabiki. "Do not be concerned, however. The Black Rose shall break her!"

Akane shivered again. "Stop saying things like that!"

Nabiki smiled as she bent down to Akane's level on the floor. "Oh, so the rumors ARE true after all…"

The blue-haired girl narrowed her eyes. "You mean the ones YOU spread?! It's not true! It's not!"

"What is this fact that my subject is viciously denying?" Kodachi asked with a gleeful smile.

"Oh, nothing," Nabiki dismissed the idea with her hand. "Just that my sister hates boys and all…"

Kodachi blinked. "That statement doesn't make sense. Boys are disgusting, foul, morons."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Why, yes," Kodachi continued. "The immaturity of boys is infamously known to be a turn-off. This is why teenaged girls adore older men. They are much more mature and fascinating."

"Oh." Nabiki was glad she didn't say what she assumed. "That makes sense…"

Akane nodded. "Told you!"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I still think Akane is a lesbian."

"NABIKI!" Akane screamed in rage.

The middle Tendo casually walked away towards her room.

"This information explains much." Kodachi thought this over as Akane, in her anger, got herself more tangled up.

"It's not true!" Akane yelled. "It's not! It's not! It's not!"

"Thou dost protest too much," Kodachi responded.

"Shut up!" Akane screamed.

"BE QUIET! SHAMPOO ON PHONE!" Shampoo bellowed.

"…" Akane sweatdropped.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed. "Yes, use the phone, ride the phone!"

Akane's eye twitched. "I can't believe I'm saying this, Kodachi, you're a raging pervert. Honestly! What's with you?"

"I'm rich," Kodachi answered as if it were a valid response.

Akane facefaulted yet again.

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Meanwhile, in Soun's bedroom…

"I do not care if he is your best friend. I will not allow him to be in any position to hurt my child again," Nodoka stated firmly, putting her foot down. "While my daughter is very against killing him, he WILL be punished severely. My husband has turned into a monster since I've seen him last."

Soun couldn't find any fault in Nodoka's logic, but still felt the need to defend his friend. "He could change once again though. Is that so hard to see?"

"He's had his second chance, Soun," Nodoka reminded him. "It was when he didn't keep his promise for the training trip. He was supposed to bring my daughter back for her twelfth birthday. While I did receive her, it was due to Ranko running away from him… Not to mention my husband kidnapping her."

Soun sighed. "We put a lot of effort into it. Our children getting married to each other has been something we've planned since… since we were still training together."

Nodoka fidgeted. 'I'm being such a hypocrite right now, trying to manipulate and delude you while Genma is being the truthful one. And Akane is such a nice girl. I can't keep arguing this… my resolve is failing.'

"It is such a shame that Saotome resorted to such tactics." Soun started to cry silently. "This is so unlike him… He… he's normally too lazy to do anything like this. What happened to him since we last met?"

Nodoka barely resisted in biting her lip. "I'm sorry, but I can't trust keeping him here. My husband is too powerful and he's gone insane."

Soun gave up. "I understand… But what will you do with him? Saotome can break out of every prison in the world."

"I… I really don't know," Nodoka admitted.

"BE QUIET! SHAMPOO ON PHONE!" Shampoo bellowed.

Soun sweatropped.

Nodoka snapped her fingers. "I have an idea…."

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"How sweet. Akane is playing with her new friend." Kasumi smiled genuinely.

"Kasumi!" Akane mentally sighed in relief. "Get Kodachi to let me GO!"

"But it is so fun!" Kodachi smirked evilly. "Besides, she cannot be let free or else she will commit international crimes against pandas."

"Oh, my." Kasumi put a hand to her mouth. "Akane, is this true?"

"HE DESERVES TO DIE!" Akane pounded her fists. "HE DOES!"

Kodachi shrugged.

"Akane, killing someone's father isn't very nice," Kasumi said sadly.

Her sister gulped. "But… but you saw what he tried to do to Ranko!"

Kasumi frowned. "He still doesn't deserve to die. Now, if I untangle you, will you behave yourself?"

"I… I… I…" Akane stared into Kasumi's eyes. "I won't kill him…"

"Good," Kasumi smiled. "Miss Kuno, there is no need to keep her tied up now."

Kodachi pouted. "But it is quite pleasurable pushing the buttons of her sexual insecurities…"

"Miss Kuno…" Kasumi frowned slightly.

"…" The Black Rose crossed her arms. "Oh, alright."

The ribbons suddenly freed themselves from Akane.

The youngest Tendo rubbed her wrists once freed.

"Now, Akane, are you having troubles with sex?" Kasumi asked.

Akane shook her head violently.

"Because you know you shouldn't think sexual thoughts until you're married," Kasumi told her.

Kodachi laughed louder than she ever had before. "Such humor, such timing, never have I heard such a joke."

"…" Kasumi and Akane didn't say a word.

"…" Kodachi smiled a huge smile. "Wait, you are serious? Let me laugh even harder!"

And so she did, falling on the floor; it was very unlike herself.

Akane fumed while Kasumi had a hand to her mouth.

"There, Shampoo done, but laughing very annoying," Shampoo announced as she walking into the room. "What crazy ribbon girl think so funny?"

Kodachi had a hard time getting up. "This family… this… Oh ho ho hoho! This family is so… so… Oh ho ho hoho traditional and deeply repressed in matters of sex!"

Shampoo blinked and turned to Akane. "What she say?"

Akane mumbled and grumbled a few things.

Kasumi innocently answered. "I just said that you aren't supposed to think sexual thoughts until you are married…"

Shampoo blinked, and then fell to the floor laughing. "Too, too funny! You make Shampoo inside hurt!"

"She is serious," Kodachi got out between her laughs.

It caused Shampoo to laugh harder.

"Oh, shut up," Akane growled and stormed off to her room.

"Oh, my," Kasumi said, confused.

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Ranko sat at the koi pond, her thoughts reflecting over what she was told by Nabiki.

'Am I really acting like an abuse victim in a bad relationship?' Ranma watched the koi in the pond. 'I don't want to be like that… but… to just kill him?'

Ranko sighed. 'It's not like these koi have to worry about this. No, they just swim in this pond. Swimming normally. They have no worries about changing sexes or deceiving their friends. But of course, koi don't do much at all…'

Ranko lay down on the grass. "'Living in interesting times.' Shampoo, all that seems to mean is that my life would make a good manga."

"BE QUIET! SHAMPOO ON PHONE!" Shampoo bellowed.

Ranko blinked. "Why would she be on the phone? I didn't know she knew anyone with a phone."

The redhead shrugged and stared at the stars, her thoughts creating doubt of what she was doing.

'What will Akane think of me afterwards? Especially after I lied to her time and time again. But, why would it matter? I AM a girl at the moment. And my actions had to be done so I wouldn't get engaged! What should I have done? Said, "Hey, I'm Ranma, I'm a boy and a girl, been that all my life"? Stupid doubt…' Ranma frowned and tried to get her thoughts on other things.

The grass felt good beneath her, so muchso that she almost fell asleep.

Laughter was heard in the house, but that didn't bother Ranma.

Shaking metal, on the other hand…

Ranma shot up off the grass and turned towards the dojo.

The metal shook and shook, rustled at varying degrees of loudness before stopping.

'Huh… Shampoo must have hit him again,' Ranko assumed.

Satisfied, Ranma lay back down on the grass, her concerns fading away.

Taking a deep breath, Ranko closed her eyes, a small smile on her face.

It suddenly disappeared as Ranko lost consciousness.

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^Shampoo, I need to ask you a question,^ Nodoka spoke in Mandarin.

Shampoo was able to stop laughing long enough to speak. ^What do you need to ask, Mother of Ranma?^

Nodoka took a deep breath. ^Can your tribe hold my husband captive?^

Kodachi and Kasumi started paying attention to the two.

^Perhaps,^ Shampoo responded. ^They can do this, but might not be willing to do so. While I am the champion of my generation, it only gives me so much leeway. Great-grandmother might be able to help in this.^

Kodachi crossed her arms. "Oh, so you two are sharing in another secret? Why am I, the Black Rose, excluded?"

Nodoka ignored her. ^Can you make it happen?^

Shampoo nodded. "Time to get panda. Shame, Shampoo wanted rug."

Nodoka smiled and looked around. "Where is my daughter?"

Kodachi pointed outside. "The Cute Witch has been meditating by the koi. Perhaps koi are a power source, although, I, the Black Rose, would think the Moon would be much more useful for that purpose. Though that would be most odd due to the Moon being nowhere near full."

Nodoka nodded and walked outside… and stifled a gasp at what she saw.

Genma, still a panda, was standing over an unconscious Ranko.

He was barely standing, but he reached down to pick up his daughter.

In that moment, Nodoka acted.

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Genma could barely see out of his left eye as he reached down to grab his daughter.

'Ungrateful child,' the panda thought angrily. 'But once I grab her I can get her alone until I find some way to get her to be my son again and obey me. I might have to unseal the schools, but I am going to need to restore order.'

Ranma was on his shoulder when Genma's one working eye widened.

*Gluck* Blood started pouring out of Genma's side as a family sword was stabbed into his flesh.

"PUT. MY. DAUGHTER. DOWN," Nodoka ordered.

Genma couldn't disobey even if he wanted to. His body was bruised, weak and tired, his energy spent. A sword through his side was the final straw as Genma fell over, Ranko hitting the ground with a thud.

The cursed panda was too tired to even cry in pain.

Nodoka pulled out the Saotome family blade and held it under Genma's chin.

"I should kill you right now." Nodoka's voice was as cold as the steel that was now covered in Panda blood. "Give me a reason why I shouldn't."

Genma couldn't, however. Instead, he leaned back and tried to crawl away.

*Gluck* Nodoka stabbed his other side.

"Why did it have to be this way?" Nodoka asked, a tear running down her cheek, yet her face still stern. "Why did you make me do this?"

Genma was on his back, blood staining the grass as he could barely keep consciousness.

"You've changed." Nodoka was crying fully now. "Gone is the man who was so determined to be the best. Gone is the man with whom I enjoyed my nights. The man whom I would nurse back to health and care for is no more. Instead you have become a different person, a monster."

Shampoo, Kodachi, Soun and Kasumi were all sticking their heads out of the house, watching the action.

"I should have seen it coming." Nodoka's face was becoming more sorrowful. "The tender touch that you used on me was fading years ago. By the time Ranma was born, you'd lost interest in me. I was just another person. I was just there in the house. You never wanted to be intimate with me again or even hold me."

Kasumi put a hand to her mouth in shock. Shampoo's eyes widened. Kodachi was looking away, eyes closed. Soun was crying more than Nodoka.

"You tried to get me to agree with killing our child if Ranma didn't meet your standards. Yet I still thought you were the same Genma I married, the Genma that made me the center of his universe. You were a man who married into my family despite my parents' unease with you. Because you wanted me to keep my name, to have a family, to not be a ronin that you were before. Or was it just for my family's wealth? Was it all a lie, Genma?" Nodoka's face was pleading for it not to be true.

The panda slowly, but surely, shook his head.

"I can't even trust that you're telling the truth anymore," Nodoka wept. "I am sorry, husband."

Soun was weeping by the corner, too emotional to do anything. Kasumi, meanwhile, was too scared. Kodachi watched with mixed emotions while Shampoo was only disappointed that she couldn't be the one to strike the final blow.

Nodoka, her face tear streaked, thrust the sword down towards her husband's panda neck.

Genma closed his eye.

However, the sword stopped less than a centimeter from Genma's throat.

'No… kill Popa…" Ranko muttered sleepily as she grabbed the blade with her hand, keeping it from piercing her father's throat.

Blood came down Ranko's palm as she held the blade unconsciously.

Genma opened his eye while Nodoka dropped the sword.

"NO! No, no, NO!" Nodoka fell to her knees and grasped her daughter's hand, her bloody hand. "Ranma! I… I…"

Nodoka cried harder as she realized what she had attempted.

The blood from Ranma's hand dripped onto Genma's fur, making it even more red.

Those by the door were shocked and stunned into inactivity.

"No care what you say, Nabiki," Ranma mumbled as she slept. "No care if abusive… no kill Father…"

Nodoka looked at her hands with shame. "I tried to kill him… I almost killed him…"

"Fuzzy pillow…" Ranma smiled. "So soft…"

Shampoo snapped out of it and was quickly by Ranma's side.

"Red! You alright?" Shampoo tried to wake up the sleeping redhead.

"Moma… Don't kill Popa, Moma… No matter how evil he is… he is fluffy…" Ranma snuggled with her father.

Kodachi was quickly by her side as well. "You really do care about your family… I'll be sure that he lives."

The rich girl pulled out a first aid kit from her leotard and wrapped Genma up like a mummy.

Kasumi slowly walked over. "Miss Kuno… I do not think that is the proper way to do that…"

Nodoka now held her daughter tightly. "I'm sorry, Ranma… I… I couldn't stop myself… I went back on the promise."

"Moma…" Ranma sounded disapproving. "Stop saying you're going to kill Popa… It's wrong…"

Soun finally got over to his friend. "Saotome… why did you bring this onto yourself? Why did you anger so many people?"

Shampoo crossed her arms. "And Shampoo wanted panda rug…"

Nodoka glared at her.

"…" Shampoo blinked. "What? It true! Shampoo no one who stab panda."

Nodoka flinched at that.

Kodachi smiled. "I have an idea to solve this dilemma!"

With that, the gymnast left, hopping on rooftops.

Kasumi tapped Nodoka's shoulder. "I need to wrap Ranko's hand."

Nodoka closed her eyes. "Go ahead. Take her…"

Shampoo picked up the Saotome family blade. "Nice sword. Should clean. No want get ruined."

Nodoka could only nod as she thought over what she almost did.

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Kodachi came back soon with a large cage in which Genma was placed.

He didn't even struggle; his face was solemn and he was still gravely injured.

'Genma, you have really messed up this time,' the panda thought to himself. 'Neglecting Nodoka… So many people want to kill me. And if it wasn't for that ungrat-Ranma… I would be dead… I really need to rethink this…'

"Where keep panda?" Shampoo asked.

"Not here!" Nabiki shouted from the other room.

Kodachi smiled evilly. "My glorious mansion has room for this foul creature. I would need assistance in doing so, however."

"I'm sorry for falling asleep, everyone. I was so stressed from earlier that I wore myself out." Akane looked down. "I let you down too, Ranko…"

"It's not your fault, Akane. And it was probably for the best, anyway," Ranko replied, as she had fully woken up a while ago. "I will help bring Pops over to Kodachi's place… right after I take care of something."

Ranko walked back outside, where her mother was staring at the koi pond.

"Mom?" Ranko hugged her mother from behind. "Before you say anything, I already forgive you."

Nodoka cried. "I don't deserve it…"

"No, no… don't do that to yourself," Ranko interrupted her. "You were angry with Pops for years and next you see him he's hurting me. You just got emotional, that's all."

"Ranma… it is my fault. I am an adult. My emotions shouldn't control me like this," Nodoka said with her head down.

Ranma hugged her tighter. "But it was to protect me. You acted as an extension of your love for me. Sure, I don't agree with you trying to kill Pops, but I knew that if you had a chance you would. Yes, I'm angry, but I'm not surprised at all. I would be disappointed in you if you didn't try to protect me."

"It still doesn't excuse my actions," Nodoka insisted.

"Look, besides me, only Mr. Tendo and Kasumi didn't want Pops to die." Ranma scrunched her lips. "The things Pops did would have gotten him the death sentence in some countries. If we didn't move all the time, we would probably have whole armies after us. I still think killing him is wrong, but I don't have an argument beyond believing murder isn't the answer."

Nodoka just bowed her head.

"Mom, I need you right now," Ranma sniffled. "I'm afraid of what will happen with this lying I'm doing. I don't want to deceive them, but… but I'm scared! I don't want to get married so early! And I'm afraid of what Akane would think of me. Why does it matter!? Why does it matter?"

Ranma was crying now. "Why does it matter that I'm both? The girls AND boys in China hated me, aside from Shampoo and Mousse. The adults tolerated me for the most part, but I could see in their eyes that they didn't like me. If it wasn't for Cologne, I know I would've been thrown out. And that was with explaining it right from the start!"

Now it was Nodoka's turn to hug Ranma.

"Why can't they see that I am both?" Ranma pleaded. "I just can't choose to be one or the other… It's who I am. I hate doing this… but I'm afraid that everyone will hate me. 'Choose one!' they would say. No trust… None at all…"

Nodoka brushed Ranma's cheek. "My child, you are stronger than I am. You can get through this. Shampoo and Kodachi accept you and I think Akane will understand once you explain. You are different, that is all. Yet people are afraid of different and hate those that are, making them suffer. It is why I am proud to be your mother: You, who made me a mother, are such a special person with this special gift. Being so different makes me proud, because you allow yourself to BE yourself."

Ranma sniffed. "Thanks, Mom…"

"Now, go and take care of your father, alright?" Nodoka kissed her daughter on the forehead.

Ranma smiled. "I will."

With that, Ranma, Shampoo, Akane, and Kodachi brought Genma in his cage to the Kuno mansion where he would be safe under a lot of traps between him and any exit.

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Eventually, Ranma, Nodoka, and Shampoo were at the Saotome home.

"Are you sure Pops won't escape the Kunos?" Ranma asked.

Shampoo shrugged. ^It is only for the night. Besides, with his injuries, those insane traps, and not knowing where this house is, I would say you're safe.^

"Alright… With all that has happened, I think that I need to be a guy tonight," Ranma announced. "Shampoo, no peeking, got it?"

Shampoo nodded enthusiastically.

Ranma sighed and left for her room.

^Thank you once again for letting me sleep here, Mrs. Saotome.^ Shampoo bowed.

"No need to thank me," Nodoka responded. "I couldn't turn you down like this. I'll show you a place to sleep. Now, please don't sneak into bed with my son; Ranma needs his sleep."

Shampoo smirked. "Shampoo let Ranma sleep too, too well!"

Nodoka sighed. "Seriously, he is having problems already. Please don't add to them."

Shampoo nodded and was shown the guest room.

Soon after, Ranma showed his face.

"Goodnight, Mom, Shampoo," Ranma said with a small smile.

Nodoka had tears in her eyes. "My son… you look so handsome."

Ranma scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "Hehehehe… I'm going to bed now."

Shampoo couldn't resist a wolf whistle. "Ranma too, too sexy. Shampoo sleep well tonight, yes?"

Nodoka sighed.

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**Author's notes:** yes it dragged on for a whole chapter, but the plot can finally move forward in the next installment. Noy said it had to due with dealing with Genma. That was irritatingly hard to do. Oh well, it continues and it was emotional and Genma got burned. Talk like a pirate! Arggg! Pirate Day! Yay! See you next time, for I am the Text!


	22. Y16VI

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** This fic is really getting popular. It's scaring me because then people will hate it somehow. Or is that only with things that make money? O_o

**Caution:** This fic is #5 in favorites that started posting this year. WOW!

**Reviews:** The Text reads ALL THE REVIEWS! Hero in a cup, in another fic. Gort420, I agree. Hear that, Noy? Luger 7, PARTY! Winged Golden Tiger, y, halo there. Thank you for saying so! This WAS made because the other fics QUIT this premise before getting anywhere, really. Don't worry about THAT happening. (Unless death and stuff.). Partsu, tuatara convinced Noy that by killing Genma, there would be a big rift between Ranma and everyone else and the effect wouldn't end for a long, long while. But don't worry, he'll be out of everyone's hair soon enough. Guest, like he even uses those things…kyothefallenkit, THIS is your answer! :D

You have been warned….

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**Year 16 VI Let It Swim**

Akane and Ranko walked towards school, side by side.

"You're sure he's gone for good?" Akane asked nervously.

"Oh, yeah. He didn't even put up a fight when he was shipped to China." Ranko looked to the sky. "I saw it in his eyes, this… sadness…"

Akane crossed her arms. "Well, he deserved it."

Ranko shrugged. "I can see that…"

It was for the most part quiet until arriving at the school grounds, although there was a bit of small talk between them.

"I'll let you do your thing, OK?" Ranko smiled and walked into school, leaving Akane with the horde of boys.

Akane cracked her knuckles. "Fine by me, I need to punch something anyway."

Thus, Akane started beating boys up left and right, deservedly so.

"Hey, Kuno." Ranko walked by Tatewaki. "Be fair with Akane, got it?"

"The Blue Thunder is always fair," Kuno bragged.

"Can't stick with a name, I see." Ranko shook her head and went inside.

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"Wow… he's flying!" Yuka observed as Kuno blasted off again.

Ranko smiled at that.

"So…" Sayuri tried and failed to be nonchalant as she approached Ranko, "what happened to you and Akane yesterday?"

Ranko blinked. 'Yesterday… Wow, so much happened… Um… why did we leave school early, anyway?'

Sayuri watched Ranko closely as the redhead tried to remember.

Yuka curiously watched both girls from a distance.

Ranko snapped her fingers. "Fire alarm went off. So I took her to see my mom. Yeah, that's what happened."

Sayuri raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes," Ranko confirmed. "Look, I don't know who you are exactly, but… you are Akane's friend, I'm guessing… right?"

That's when said girl came in.

Sayuri and Ranko unintentionally stared at her.

"…" Akane sweatdropped. "What?"

*RING* The school bell went off.

"Alright now, settle down, class is beginning," the teacher reminded his students.

With groans, they did.

"Now, since class was cut short yesterday due to the fire, we have much to catch up on." The teacher rubbed his forehead.

"Aw, man," a boy in the back complained.

"Quiet!" The teacher narrowed his eyes. "Too bad we don't have a disciplinarian around here. These fights and interruptions are very disrespectful."

"But she's hot!" another boy complained. "Plus, panty shots! You can't take that away from us!"

The first boy high fived him.

"Hiroshi and Daisuke, hallway, NOW!" the teacher growled.

Some girls cheered as they left with groans.

Akane shook her head. "Perverts…."

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^Thank you for this meal, Mrs. Saotome.^ Shampoo bowed.

^No trouble at all.^ Nodoka smiled. ^It is great pleasure having someone over that appreciates my food. What are you going to do now?^

Shampoo smirked. ^I have been on a search for a strong man. I cannot find a good match in China and figured that Japan might have the specimen I need. It should be obvious who I place at the top of that list… ^

Nodoka shook her head in amusement. ^I figured. Please be civil. My child doesn't have many friends and would hate for them to fight for something like this.^

"Shampoo? Civil? Civil is Shampoo name the middle… thing…" Shampoo rubbed her forehead trying to get the wording right.

Nodoka sighed. ^Despite liking you, I doubt that very much.^

Shampoo crossed her arms. ^It is not like I am a violent brute.^

^I did not say that at all,^ Nodoka clarified. ^But you ARE a member of a tribe of warrior women…^

^**Champion** of the village,^ Shampoo bragged.

Nodoka resisted facepalming. ^That makes it even worse!^

"How?" Shampoo scratched her head. "No make sense…."

^No offense, but your culture is not considered acceptable in most of the world…^ Nodoka tried to explain. ^Killing someone for beating you is frowned upon in most societies.^

Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "That sound stupid."

Nodoka sighed. "This is going to take a while…"

"What take while?" Shampoo asked.

"…" Nodoka paused. ^Let's go see someone I know….^

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"Swimming?" Akane groaned internally.

"Yes, today we will be swimming." The instructor nodded. "Now, go change and meet at the pool."

The boys and girls separated and went to their locker rooms, some reluctantly.

"Cheer up Akane, you'll do well this time," Sayuri tried to reassure her friend.

Ranko raised an eyebrow at this.

Yuka smiled. "Yeah, I believe in you."

Akane frowned. "Thanks, but… *sigh*."

The redhead stripped off her clothes and placed them in her bag. 'This could be interesting…'

"You're not going to do well with THAT attitude." Yuka shook her head.

Sayuri snapped her fingers. "I know! Ranko, is any of that 'cute witch' thing true?"

Ranko facepalmed. "WHY do people believe that?"

Yuka shrugged. "I dunno."

Ranko turned to face Akane, still in the nude. "So, what's the problem?"

"Ah… well…" Akane fidgeted.

"She can't swim," Sayuri deadpanned.

Akane glared at her.

Ranko scratched her head. "That's it?"

"Not exactly…" Akane sighed. "I… I…"

"She sinks like a rock," Sayuri answered.

"STOP IT!" Akane growled. "Yes… that…"

"Uh huh…" Ranko rubbed her chin. "I need to see how bad…"

She was interrupted by Yuka. "I bet you float easy, being a witch and all."

Ranko rolled her eyes. "Yes, I float easily. NO, I am not a witch. Anyway, is it that your feet sink or…?"

"HEY! WHERE ARE THE GIRLS?!" the swimming instructor shouted, loud enough to be heard in the locker room.

Ranko and the girls quickly got dressed in their swimsuits and rushed out.

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"Alright, class, today we will be swimming… obviously," the instructor sighed. "Not only will this be good exercise, but it's also a crucial survival skill. One day, you might need this to survive in a flood or in the ocean or even being in a spring…"

The students looked on, bored.

"Not to mention that this will count as your tryouts if you want to be on the swim team this year." The instructor smiled. "Now, everyone stretch; we don't want anyone getting cramps."

With sighs, the students did as they were told.

"Come on, Akane, you're not even trying," Yuka groaned.

"Yes, I am!" Akane protested.

Ranko looked at her skeptically as the blue-haired girl failed to stretch as far as she should.

Sayuri rolled her eyes. "Then why aren't you touching your feet?"

"I'm nervous, alright?!" Akane yelled, albeit fearfully.

'It can't be THAT bad…' Ranko thought. "Hey, Akane… Don't worry, I won't let you drown."

Akane breathed heavily as she tried to calm her nerves. "I can do this… Get it together. Get it together. Get it together. Get it together…"

As Akane repeated her motivational line over and over again, her muscles slowly relaxed and stretched, easing themselves up.

"Alright, everyone in the pool!" the instructor ordered.

The students jumped in with splashes… except Akane.

The youngest Tendo slipped in carefully, holding onto the side of the pool.

'I have a really bad feeling about this…' Akane thought gloomily.

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Meanwhile, in a particular all-girls school…

Kodachi sat in her classroom, bored, but not showing it… much.

"Remember, this Friday is the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics match against Furinkan. Please support your classmates," the teacher sighed.

A grin appeared on the Kuno daughter's face. 'Ah, yes… another chance to show off… I wonder… Is the Cute Witch going to face off against me? It will be fun… Oh, yes…'

The girls around Kodachi shivered as their classmate's grin grew wider and more feral.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed nobly, a hand to her mouth.

The girl next to her gulped.

The teacher groaned. "What is it now, Miss Kuno?"

Kodachi smirked. "Nothing alarming, just that this will be a most amusing week. The Black Rose will finally get what she deserves as our enemy will be crushed. Oh ho ho hoho!"

The teacher's eye twitched. 'Why me?'

"You. Peasant." Kodachi glared at a girl not far from her. "What day is today?"

The girl shivered in fear. "…"

"ANSWER ME!" Kodachi yelled.

"Tuesday," the girl answered in a timid voice.

Kodachi's clothes went flying off of her and she was suddenly wearing her leotard. "Speak up, little girl…"

"Miss Kuno…" The teacher rubbed her forehead.

"Tuesday," the girl answered in fear.

"Excellent…" Kodachi twilled her ribbon that she gotten from… somewhere.

The teacher growled. "Miss Kuno! I don't care how rich you are, we have class now!"

Kodachi sneered. "For me, this is some of the best news of my life, a day long remembered. But for YOU, you selfish people, it's just Tuesday… I shall have no business being in this class at this moment, for I… have a life!"

With that, Kodachi left, laughing madly.

The teacher blinked. "What the…?"

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The door to Dr. Tofu's chiropractic clinic opened, revealing Nodoka and Shampoo. The pair then entered.

Fortunately, there wasn't anyone waiting in the waiting room and thus the duo were able to go see the young doctor right away.

*Knock, knock* Nodoka hit a door towards the back with her knuckles lightly.

"Dr. Tofu?" Nodoka asked. "Are you there?"

"Come in," the doctor answered from behind the door.

Nodoka opened it and saw Dr. Tofu sitting at a desk with a stack of papers.

"Hello there, Nodoka. Good to see you again." Dr. Tofu noticed Shampoo. "And who is this young lady?"

"Shampoo is Shampoo," Shampoo spoke simply. "Why here?"

Nodoka ignored her. "This is my child's friend, Shampoo. She's from China and I figured that she might want to help you out."

"Really?" Dr. Tofu looked at Shampoo. "Shampoo, is that true?"

"Shampoo confused," Shampoo answered.

Dr. Tofu explained. "I operate this clinic to help people in the area. Ranma is a recurring patient of mine. At least, Ranma WAS for a while, since I was the only doctor trusted regarding a certain condition…"

Shampoo blinked. "You know of curse? Hmm… Red trusts you then, yes?"

Seeing how the exchange was going, Nodoka smiled and started easing out of the room quietly.

"Red?" the doctor thought aloud. "That must be Ranma then. Yes, Ranma does trust me with that secret."

Shampoo nodded. "So, you doctor guy? Help people who is sick?"

Dr. Tofu nodded.

Shampoo considered what she'd been told.

Nodoka slipped out of the room with a wink to Dr. Tofu, who blinked in surprise.

"I _would_ like an assistant around to help deal with the crowds," Dr. Tofu stressed. "Plus, I would like to know more about China. Ranma got the curse there, and researching it has been… intriguing."

"Hmmm…" Shampoo tapped her lips. "Shampoo accept. Want to know what Japan like."

Dr. Tofu smiled at that.

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"Come on, Akane, let go of the wall!" Sayuri shouted.

The blue-haired girl took a deep breath.

'I can do this, I can do this…' Akane let go of the wall and tried to swim.

"GaAAulp!" Akane sank below the water.

A moment passed as everyone waited for her to resurface.

"She REALLY can't swim, after all!" Ranko dove beneath the water to save Akane.

The redhead saw the girl standing at the bottom of the pool, trying to swim upward.

'She's got no buoyancy!' Ranko thought as she grabbed Akane, kicking the bottom of the pool to launch them upwards.

Akane gasped and coughed as she was brought out of the pool, shivers going through her body.

People started crowding around her until the instructor got them to give Akane room to breathe.

"Are you alright?" Yuka asked.

Akane groaned in response.

"I take that as a no," Sayuri sighed. "You just sank like a rock! What happened?"

"Hey, I TRIED!" Akane seethed, coughing more as she tried to be angry. "Nothing I did worked!"

Ranko shook her head. "Akane, you were trying to BREATHE **WATER**!"

The blue-haired girl blinked. "Yeah? And? Isn't that what you are supposed to do? Fish do it all the time and THEY don't drown…"

A few people started laughing; others snickered, while the smart people groaned.

Yuka was shocked and stunned motionless while Sayuri pinched her nose. The teacher rolled her eyes and Ranko outright facepalmed.

"Akane…" Ranko sighed. "You do NOT breathe the water! You got that? I do not want to have to save you again."

The Tendo girl nodded.

Yuka scratched her head. "That… even… That still doesn't answer… How did you sink that badly?"

Akane blinked. "I don't know…"

Ranko scrunched her lips. "You DID seem to get the motions down… mostly… when I saw you. Anything else you want to add?"

Akane shook her head and tried to stand up.

Her friends got her seated as she was told to rest a bit before trying again.

"Akane, watch me," Ranko told her friend.

The youngest Tendo nodded, getting splashed as Ranko dove back in the water.

'All this time…' Akane's face was red with embarrassment. 'How was I supposed to know? At least it can't get any worse…'

"Beautiful Akane Tendo, thou art such a stunning display of femininity that the uniform of swimwear today cannot hide your exquisite marvelousness!" Kuno spewed as he entered the pool area.

Akane groaned. "Not now, Kuno- Wait… why are YOU HERE!?"

Kuno smiled. "Ah, but it's a lovely day outside… Far too lovely to stay indoors, where there isn't one like you."

"Hey! Get back to class!" the instructor of swimming yelled. "You are a disturbance!"

Kuno brushed it off. "Fierce Tigress, shall we not depart from this place and go somewhere more suited for your beauty? Wilt thou date me?"

Ranko appeared by the pool side. "Kuno, stop it! Akane needs to learn how to swim!"

"Ah, Cute Witch Ranko, don't you think it would be best if the Blue Thunder were the one to instruct the dear Akane Tendo on swimming?" Kuno struck poses. "And be taught not in these _Western_ ways, but of the traditional ways of Japan itself! Surely they are superior to this!"

"Kuno, please go away." Akane was too tired to fight.

"Get lost, Kuno," Sayuri stated.

Ranko massaged her forehead as they yelled at each other.

"Kuno, this is not your class! Go away!" Sayuri shouted.

"And leave the Fierce Tigress?" Kuno scoffed. "Such a stupid suggestion! Even to THINK of it makes you mad!"

"Kuno, just show us how you swim. Got that?" Ranko smirked at the boy.

"That I shall!" Kuno flung off his clothes and dove into the pool.

Ranko shook her head. "Akane? I think we need you to see Dr. Tofu. The more I think about it, the more it doesn't make sense. You could have a medical condition."

Akane gulped. "Really?"

Ranko nodded. "Yeah, really. We'll go after school. Are you doing anything after school? Clubs? Sports?"

Akane shook her head. "Not right now. It's the wrong season for sports I'm in. I guess this is gymnastics season. There's a rhythmic gymnastics match on Friday, I heard. I always wondered how that's even a sport… Anyway, I'm free after school."

Ranko blinked. "That should be interesting…"

"Akane Tendo, watch and be amazed as I, the Blue Thunder, demonstrate the perfect swimming techniques of Japan!" Kuno boasted.

"I'm toweling off and getting changed," Akane answered in disgust as she walked towards the locker room.

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Soun stared off into the sky, tears running down his face.

'Saotome, I hope that we will meet again someday… when you are mentally sound.' Soun stared at the shogi table and sighed.

"Father, lunch is ready," Kasumi announced.

Soun got up and went to the table, casting one more look at the shogi board.

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Deep in the heart of China, a UPS truck pulled up to the front of a village in the mountains.

In front of the truck soon stood a man in a brown UPS uniform… and a giant crate.

The guards looked at each other and shrugged.

^Package for one… Cologne?^ The UPS man scratched his head, holding a clipboard in his other hand.

One of the guards nodded. ^Cologne is here. Do you need a signature or…?^

The UPS man nodded.

The guard signed and the UPS man got into his truck and drove off.

^Weird…^ the guard that signed the clipboard said.

The other nodded. ^To Cologne, huh? From Shampoo? Hope this thing's not too heavy.^

With some effort, the two guards got the giant crate to Cologne.

^What is that?^ Cologne asked from atop of her staff.

^This… crate… is from your great-granddaughter. She is in Japan for some reason,^ One of the guards clarified.

^Hmmm. Strange. What could she possibly get to put in a crate this size?^ Cologne wondered aloud.

The guards shrugged.

*THWAP* Cologne struck the crate and it fell apart.

^Gasp!^ One of the guards said aloud, causing the other to stare at her oddly. ^… What?^

^Saying 'gasp'? Really?^ The other guard rolled her eyes.

Cologne was to busy dealing with the contents of the crate.

Fortunately, there was a note.

_^Nihao, Great-grandmother!_

_Japan has been… weird. There are many odd customs, but I have adjusted. Red has started making friends, but she is keeping her curse a secret. Mostly because one girl thinks she's a witch. Anyway, we captured her father, whom I turned into a panda, and I sent him to you so he will stop harassing Red. Hope things are doing well there and tell Mousse to stop liking me so much! Please?_

_Love you long time, Shampoo.^_

'Child, your airheadedness is making us all look bad.' Cologne looked up from the letter to see an unconscious Genma wrapped in a straightjacket and covered in tranquilizer darts inside a metal cage.

^Well that's very interesting…^ Cologne mused.

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"Do you really think it's a medical condition?" Yuka asked Ranko as she ate lunch.

"Maybe," Ranko answered between bites. "I'm not really a doctor…"

Sayuri pointed her chopsticks at Ranko. "But you seem to know… stuff…"

Akane sighed. "I haven't been able to swim for my whole life, so it can be anything. Still… it's embarrassing!"

"At least Kuno's not around…" Sayuri was cut off by the boy himself.

"You need not worry, Akane Tendo, the Blue Thunder will cure you of your inability to swim!" Kuno spewed.

Akane groaned.

"Hey, Kuno, I have something to ask of you." Ranko resisted rolling her eyes.

"Why, of course, dear witch!" Kuno smiled.

Ranko nearly bit her tongue to keep from lashing out. "Kuno, there was a fire yesterday and Akane's clothes got wet due to the sprinklers. Find out who caused the fire so you can restore her honor!"

Kuno's eyes lit up. "That I SHALL! No one disrespects Akane Tendo!"

With that, the kendoist ran off.

"…" The other three girls were stunned speechless.

*C lank, clank clank…* Akane's jaw fell off.

"Hey Akane, your jaw… Yeah…" Ranko finished eating.

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"Oh, THAT suck, yes." Shampoo nodded as a patient complained about their back problems. "Too, too bad…"

"I just hope that he can make it better…" the old man moaned. "I… I want to be able to put my granddaughter on my shoulders once more…"

"That good, yes?" Shampoo smiled. "Doctor see you now. Baibai!"

The old man walked slowly to where Dr. Tofu was.

The front door then opened to reveal Ranko and Akane…

*GLOMP* Shampoo snared the redheaded girl as soon as she was visible.

"Red! Red! Shampoo too, too glad to see you!" Shampoo smiled.

Akane rolled her eyes at this.

"I'm glad to see you too, Shampoo. Is Dr. Tofu here? Akane MIGHT have a problem…" Ranko winced.

Shampoo nodded. "Yes, Doctor here. See anything Shampoo… do… here… Shampoo… stuff…"

Ranko blinked. ^Come again?^

Shampoo sighed. ^Noticed anything about me?^

Ranko looked the purple-haired girl over. ^You have a nametag? What's with that?^

Akane coughed into her hand. "So, Shampoo, can I see Dr. Tofu?"

^I work here now! Isn't that great? You mother set me up somehow, but this doctor of yours is a fine specimen and he knows his stuff.^ Shampoo rubbed her body against Ranko's.

"…" Akane tapped Shampoo's shoulder. "UhHEHM!"

"…" Shampoo blinked. "Yes?"

Akane's eye twitched. "Can I see Dr. Tofu now?"

Shampoo tilted her head. "Oh! No, not now, Doctor with… person… who… old… person… old… yes?"

"AHHHOWOWOHWEE!" Came from the back room.

Akane's eyes widened slightly. "Kasumi isn't here… right?"

Shampoo scratched her head. "Kasumi… smell nice, right? Girl cooks food goodly, yes?"

^Yes, she does that,^ Ranko answered. ^Have you seen her?^

Shampoo shook her head.

The door in the back opened and the old man walked out, smiling.

"Thank you, Doctor, I feel much better now," the old man said.

"No problem at all." Dr. Tofu saw Akane, Ranko and Shampoo. "What brings you here?"

Ranko shrugged. "Akane can't swim. It MIGHT biological, I think. Can you help her?"

"Of course," Dr. Tofu answered. "Come this way, Akane."

Akane did so, leaving Ranko and Shampoo alone.

"Shampoo? Could you let go now? I have to change," Ranko pleaded.

Shampoo grinned. ^Change in THAT way?^

^It'll be a good idea to… Why?^ Ranko grew suspicious.

Shampoo's grin widened more. ^Your male body is very… alluring…^

Ranko blinked. ^And…?^

^I get off at four…^ Shampoo whispered.

"…" Ranko tilted her head. "So?"

Shampoo facepalmed.

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"Hi, Mom! I'm home!" Ranko said as she walked in the door to her home.

"Ranko! How was school?" Nodoka smiled.

Her daughter shrugged. "Normal… I guess… So, what's with Shampoo working at Dr. Tofu's?"

Nodoka smiled mischievously. "Oh, nothing, really. I just wanted to help her learn how to behave acceptably in society, that's all…"

"You mean not trying to kill people…" Ranko deadpanned.

"Well… yes," Nodoka answered truthfully.

Ranko sighed. "At least it gives her something to do… Although… now she's hitting on me…"

"Oh?" Nodoka tried to keep the fear out of her voice.

"Yeah. It's not like I don't like her… But she's very… affectionate…" Ranko sighed. "I'm going to go change; I need to work out some frustrations."

With that, Ranko left for her room.

"This is not good…" Nodoka worried out loud. "Not good at all."

With a sigh, Nodoka decided to get dinner ready. But first, she dialed a phone number she knew well.

"Hello? Is Kodachi there?" Nodoka asked.

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**Author's notes:** sorry for no updates last month! Noy has troubles with October… mostly due to stuff about fall, I think. Anyway, hope you enjoy this so far! Please leave a message after the beep, merry Thanksgiving everyone! From The Text! *Beeep*

**Authour's notes:** WHEEE HEE! Hi there! Look, some people are MAD because of the delay, but I say its due to October being a bad month for me. IT IS! Ok? Got it? I don't do well that month... Anyway, since most people read this fic the most out of all of my fics. (I come up with them, Noy just writes... stuff...) I am delivering news from here. First, on Dec 21st, Half a Y will be posted. Second, problems with what is considered M have made Fooled: Day and Night Mutual Slavery from updating. Thirdly, the other fics might get another update before the year is out. K? Got it? Good. Happy Thanksforgivingmestuff DAY! WHOOO! Telinú out!


	23. Y16VII

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** Noy has a fan. It might get frantic in the reviews… maybe. O_o

**Caution:** during the slightly colder "season" do things to keep from dying on the roads. It might actually be bad to read fanfictions while driving…

**Notice:** that we are getting close to 60,000 words here on this fic. It WOULD have been more if the site didn't redo the numbers. :/

**Reviews:** are fun to read. Really! uragaaru, thanks! Noy has to keep things light due to the nature of Telinú's ideas. Not to mention that it's nice to read humor. hero in a cup, OOOH yeah… do not underestimate Noy. Ranma's life sucks by default, no way is that character going to have an easy life. Compucles, maaaaayyybbbeeee… but Ranma doesn't really have much of a sex drive due to having it all sexually (being male and female). That and being compatible with anyone, Ranma is looking for personality instead of looks and such. Not to mention being too scared to get going with anyone. raw666, I hope I can have Twinkies… Diablo4000, so… having morals = being an idiot. K thanks. Dumbledork, I wonder as well… tuatara, I KNOW! ^_^ thanks for keeping my boss(es) happy! If we can get this fic past you-know-what eventually in favorites, then their goal will finally be fulfilled and I'll be happy to see them admit that their life has meaning and they can make a difference. luger 7, right on q. Maltrazz, here's some more!

You have been warned….

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**Year 16 VII We Serve Food Here, Sir**

Ranma Saotome stood atop his home and sighed. As he watched the sun start setting over the horizon, the pigtailed boy was in deep thought.

Being a young man, it would be assumed that he would love having two girls throw themselves at him. But this was not the case for this pigtailed lad. Why would that be the case? It's actually pretty obvious. You see-

*Growlllll* went Ranma's stomach.

'Of course…' Ranma took one last look at the sky and went in the house.

"Ranma, dinner will be ready in an hour," Nodoka said with a smile.

Her son inwardly frowned. 'Aw, man…'

"Shampoo has gone shopping for something. I don't know what," Nodoka filled him in.

Ranma nodded.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Kodachi is coming over for dinner as well," his mother explained. "Her brother could be coming as well, so it might be a good idea to change back."

'Aw, come on!' Ranma groaned. "Alright, Mom…"

With that, Ranma left for his room.

'It's too bad I can't see my son more.' Nodoka shook her head sadly.

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Ranma paced in his room, thinking of what to do.

*Grrroaaawwlll…* his stomach complained.

'ARG! I can't wait an hour to eat!' Ranma gritted his teeth. 'And I need some guy time, dammit!'

With that, the teen jumped out his window and headed south, away from the homes of the people who knew him.

'I'll just walk around, grab a quick bite to eat and be back before dinner,' Ranma concluded, smiling. "What could possibly go wrong?"

Just as he said those words, it started raining.

'Of course…' Ranma sighed, still male.

Figuring the worst was over, the pigtailed youth started looking for a good place to eat.

Near the ward border, Ranma ducked into a small restaurant, dripping wet.

It was strangely empty of customers and the young man grew slightly suspicious.

After looking around and seeing no obvious bad signs, Ranma shrugged.

The small restaurant could seat around twenty comfortably, a few booths lining the walls. There was an old-fashioned, somewhat Chinese feel to the place.

'A lot of pickled art,' Ranma observed. 'Seems familiar…'

"Good evening, Mr. Customer. Table for one?" a woman asked; she wore a giant foam pickle on her head and was dressed in an outfit that resembled… noodles.

'Weird. But I'm too hungry to care…' Ranma nodded. "Yes, sure."

The woman led him to a table.

The silent eeriness rubbed Ranma the wrong way.

"It's kinda quiet…" he mumbled.

"Oh, yes, that's because it's almost our closing time…" the woman answered a hint of embarrassment in her voice. "But don't worry, we have time for you!"

Menu in hand, Ranma quickly glanced over it.

'Man, they REALLY love their pickles…' Ranma stealthily checked how much money he had. "Well, I won't hold you up too long. I'll take this 'wanderer's special.'"

"Alright, and to drink?" the waitress asked. 'No one's ever ordered that before. Oh well...'

Ranma shrugged. "Water's fine."

"It will be ready soon." The waitress smiled and walked to the kitchen.

As Ranma sat alone in the restaurant, he started fidgeting as he examined the décor.

*Grrroowlll* went his stomach.

'Stop it, you! I'll get food soon!' Ranma frowned. 'Hey, what's this? A noodle race? Two weeks from now, huh? Wow! Free noodles! I'm in! Girls only? Hehe… Not a problem.'

Due to being raised by Genma and a bunch of warrior women, Ranma had acute senses and thus could hear into the kitchen easily. He tended to ignore stuff like that, but something caught his attention.

"Yes, Miss Kaori, that is what he ordered," the waitress confirmed.

'Kaori… Kaori… That sounds very familiar.' Ranma hated not remembering things. 'Stupid hunger… I know that name from somewhere! ARGG!'

"Really? Thank you! Yeah, I'll punch out, see you tomorrow!" The waitress's heels clicked off into the distance.

'Why can't I remember?!' Ranma gripped his head. 'Kaori… Kaori… She… she's the… ARGG!'

"Alright, one wanderer's special. I can get you a box if…" The female voice stopped abruptly.

"Nah, I won't need that." Ranma lifted his head up. "I eat a…"

Ranma's eyes widened.

"R-… Ranma?" The girl, whose eyes were widened as well, asked in a near whisper.

"Kaori!" Ranma snapped his fingers. "Hi there! How are you? What have you been doing these… seven years?"

Kaori put the food on the table and fell to her knees in shock. "No… no, this can't be… No…"

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Um… Kaori?"

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" Kaori blurted, biting her lip.

"…" Ranma sweatdropped. "Well… obviously I'm not…"

With that, tears started flowing out of Kaori's eyes, yet she kept her face as firmly neutral as she could. "My life… is over…"

Ranma blinked in surprise. "… What?"

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"Knock-knock!" Shampoo nearly laughed as she knocked on the door to the Saotome home. "Shampoo here!"

The Amazon girl let herself in as she heard an answer that the door was open.

"Hello there, Shampoo," Nodoka spoke from the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in half an hour. Kodachi Kuno will be coming over shortly."

^I am grateful for your hospitality.^ Shampoo bowed.

^No need…^ Nodoka said with a smile. ^Could you make sure that my daughter is ready for guests?^

^Could it be son?^ Shampoo smiled deviously.

Nodoka sighed. ^Most likely not, Kodachi's brother might be coming as well, and he doesn't know.^

"Wonder why?" said Shampoo with a frown.

Nodoka shrugged. "You need to ask Ranma that."

With a mischievous grin, Shampoo tiptoed to Ranma's room.

"Shampoo here!" Shampoo shouted as she barged through the door.

Only to be met with silence.

"…" Shampoo's head quickly looked and turned every possible way as well as some impossible ways.

"Where you be?" Shampoo scratched her head in confusion.

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"Wait, wait, wait… WHAT?" Ranma shook his head. "How is your life over?"

Kaori looked away. "Because you're alive… Damn it, you HAD to be alive!"

"Huh?" Ranma tilted his head.

"Now… now I have to… to…" Kaori gritted her teeth. "Its not fair! Why should I have to marry you?!"

"**WHAT?!**" Ranma's eyes went huge.

Kaori turned to glare at Ranma, but she blinked instead. "What? You mean… you don't KNOW!?"

"KNOW WHAT?" Ranma was gripping his head.

Kaori growled. "Our fathers engaged us."

'DAMN YOU, POPS!' Ranma mentally screamed.

"We thought you were DEAD! That jeep EXPLODED! No one could have survived THAT!" Kaori screamed.

"Oh, THAT. Eh, been through worse…" Ranma shrugged, trying to keep his cool.

Kaori glared at Ranma. "You… you are making this TRIVIAL!"

"Hey, I'm trying NOT to FREAK OUT HERE! I didn't know THAT!" Ranma started pacing the room.

"Your death drove my father into grief." Kaori closed her eyes. "He thought he was the person responsible for it, for not getting you away from your father."

Ranma gripped his head in his hands, trying to figure out how to get out of this one.

"It was his biggest regret…" Kaori said with a scowl, her eyes brimming with tears. "He started trying to drink away that guilt. Then… he went out to the bar one night and… a car ran him over."

Ranma was shocked. "Wow. Sorry…"

"That was three years ago!" Kaori narrowed her eyes. "And it's all… YOUR… FAULT!"

"Oh, COME ON!" Ranma threw his hands in the air.

"If it wasn't for YOU, my father wouldn't have died! If it weren't for YOU, I wouldn't have been on my own the day after my thirteenth birthday!" Kaori slammed her fist on the table. "Now I have to marry YOU, his murderer!"

Ranma groaned in frustration. "How is it MY fault? Huh? I didn't run him over!"

"He spent the last four years of his life wasting away! All he'd do is whine and feel sorry for himself for not saving you! He didn't pay attention to me at all!" Kaori sobbed angrily.

"It's not my fault!" Ranma argued.

"Now I'm supposed to marry someone who's a girl half the time! And be his little slave housewife who slaves away being a slave..." Kaori fidgeted, glaring into Ranma.

"Um… No, that's-" Ranma tried to calm her down.

"No… no, it's been hard, but I've made a life for myself. I won't let my newfound freedom end!" Kaori pointed at Ranma with venom in her voice. "I won't marry you!"

"Oh, good. Glad we're clear on that." Ranma started walking towards the exit. "Well, good seeing you again, but I think I'll be going no-eghh!"

A noodle noose suddenly gripped Ranma by the neck.

"Family honor means I must marry you, Ranma." Kaori held a bowl of noodles from which she har made the noose. "But only if you're alive…"

'Dammit!' Ranma tried gripping the noodles as his breath escaped him, depriving the young man of oxygen.

"I WON'T have to suffer being married to someone who's a woman at times, I won't have to obey some MAN, and I WON'T be a slave to ANYONE!" Kaori twisted the noodles, tightening the noose.

'Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Why did I let my guard down?!' Ranma tried breaking the noose, but he was getting weaker and weaker as staying awake became a struggle.

"Goodbye, Ranma." Kaori's eyes were as hard as steel. "Too bad it had to end like this. You were a great friend, but you killed my father. Prepare to die."

The noodles rippled as Kaori tightened them one last time.

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"Mother?" Kodachi called out as she entered the Saotome home. "I bear gifts!"

Nodoka poked her head out of the kitchen to see Kodachi… riding a panda.

"…" Nodoka struggled to keep her eye from twitching.

"Maybe hide in bathroom… AIYAH!" Shampoo pulled out her sword when she walked in and saw the panda. "Shampoo kill stupid panda! No ruining Red life any-hey… Panda not fat space waster."

Nodoka closed her eyes. "Kodachi… why did you bring a panda?"

The Kuno girl puffed out her chest. "Why, when the cute witch turned her neglectful and controlling father into a panda, it came to my attention that she considered the creatures cute. While he obviously made for an ugly panda, I, the Black Rose, have decided that normally, yes, these creatures are awfully cute and have gotten one for the cute witch to own! Surely she shall like it!"

Shampoo tilted her head to the left, her eyes white blanks and a giant black question mark over her superdeformed head. "Shampoo confused…"

The panda just stood there, eyes dull and bored.

"Well… it IS kind of cute…" Nodoka mused.

Shampoo raised her eyebrow. "Shampoo no think so. Cats cuter. Pandas too, too lazy."

Kodachi crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, **I** think that pandas are far more useful than mere cats. Not to mention MY thoughts, they being of the **BLACK ROSE**, are much more valid than those of some barbaric girl with a sword."

Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "Cats too, too make sense. Much more than stupid panda! Witches have cats! Not pandas! And why you say Red witch?! She no has HAT!"

Kodachi snapped her fingers. "Shoot, that is what I forgot… No matter! The Black Rose's gift will be appreciated due to the Black Rose being the Black Rose, which is me… the Black Rose…"

Nodoka sighed. "Just take it out in the back and let Ranma decide, dear…"

"Shampoo, Shampoo, Shampoo, SHAMPOO!" Shampoo yelled. "Why you no shut stupid face, ribbon girl!?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Kodachi screamed.

Nodoka had a hand to her forehead. "Girls…"

"You won't stop saying NAME!" Shampoo growled. "No one care! Name stupid! You stupid! Stop being stupid!"

"THAT'S IT!" Kodachi stood up on the panda. "NO ONE INSULTS THE NAME OF KODACHI KUNO!"

"Look! Ranma! Outside!" Nodoka pointed out the door.

"Where!" Both girls shouted at once before growling at each other and leaping outside.

Nodoka shook her head and went back into the kitchen.

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Ranma's eye twitched as Kaori ranted.

'That's it.' As the tightening noodles rippled, he quickly turned into a she.

Her reduced size gave Ranma a bit more room and allowed her to breathe.

"HOW?!" Kaori felt the noodles go slack a bit as she saw Ranma transform.

Taking advantage of the shock, Ranma bit down on the noodles and severed the noose rope.

Kaori stumbled back and tripped over a chair.

*GULP!* Ranma swallowed the noodles.

"Mmm… tasty." Ranma switched sexes once more. "Now, Kaori… WHAT THE HELL?!"

Kaori steeled herself and got back to her feet. "No! I won't let you nor your witchcraft ruin my life!"

Ranma sweatdropped. "… Yeah. Look, I have to be somewhere soon, so just be quiet and I'll be quick."

"I should have expected this!" Kaori got into a fighting stance. "All that talk about turning into a girl with cold water, that was just a lie to cover up your witchiness! I will not be your slave, you hear! I am my own woman now…"

Ranma facepalmed.

Kaori sent out another noodle noose, but this time Ranma caught it with his hand and yanked, pulling Kaori right at him.

With a determined look in her eye, Kaori stuck out her leg to turn the pull into a kick right at his head.

"Eurk!" Kaori's eyes widened as Ranma disappeared.

"Seriously, I don't have time for this," the pigtailed boy muttered as he grabbed Kaori from behind.

Kaori fell unconscious as Ranma hit some pressure points on her neck.

With a sigh, Ranma carried her deeper into the restaurant.

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Nabiki took a potato chip… and ATE IT!

"Nabiki…" Kasumi scolded. "We just finished dinner."

Nabiki ate another chip. "So?"

Kasumi sighed. "Father, are you alright?"

Soun didn't answer. Instead he was staring at the sunset, tears on his cheeks.

"Daddy, being sad won't solve anything." Nabiki ate a potato chip. "I'll make a lot of money, Kasumi will snag a doctor…"

Kasumi blushed. "Nabiki… I… I don't… Oh, my…"

"… And Akane will find a nice girl to be with. Heck, it could be with a Saotome after all." Nabiki ate more chips. "With her being a witch, you might even still get grandchildren out of it."

Silence awkwardly hung over the room for a while.

"I'll be in the dojo if you need me," Akane announced as she walked past the room. "… Is something wrong, Kasumi?"

"…" Kasumi opened her mouth, and then closed it.

Akane raised an eyebrow and looked at her father.

*Thud* Soun toppled over, a strange smile on his face.

Akane's other eyebrow rose. "Nabiki?"

"Hey, sis." Nabiki ate potato chips as if nothing happened. "What's up?"

Akane shook her head and left the room towards the dojo. "Honestly…"

Nabiki shrugged and left for her room, eating potato chips.

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Nodoka finished making dinner and was about to bring it out… when she saw that the panda was still there.

The panda looked at her dully as it just stood there, unmoving.

Nodoka pointed out the door. "Get out."

The panda obliged and walked out the door.

Nodoka shook her head and brought dinner out.

"Aiyah! Why panda here?!" Shampoo complained as said panda walked towards her outside the Saotome home.

Kodachi smirked. "Why, the beast only wants to want to be with its sister. You are both from China, after all. Why not stick together and eat bamboo?"

"Shampoo eat bamboo?" Shampoo growled. "No, YOU EAT BAMBOO!"

"No, the Black Rose would never touch such an awful, low-class plant, much less eat it!" Kodachi scoffed. "YOU, on the other hand, WOULD!"

"NO, YOU!" Shampoo yelled.

"NO, YOU!" Kodachi stuck her tongue out.

"NO, YOU!" Shampoo waved her arms up and down, chibi-like.

**"WHY IS THERE A PANDA HERE?!"** Ranma yelled, causing the two girls to look at him as he entered the premises.

"…" That shut the two girls up.

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "I'm waiting…"

Kodachi spoke first. "Why, this barbarian thought it would be wise to feast on a beast that would most likely earn your favor. Foolishly, if the Black Rose may add."

"IT RIBBON GIRL FAULT!" Shampoo yelled.

Ranma facepalmed. ^Shampoo, what happened?^

Shampoo growled. ^She is the one who brought this panda here, thought it would make a nice present… and she still thinks you're a witch.^

Ranma sighed. "Kodachi, look, I know you mean well, but… I have no use for a panda."

Shampoo stuck out her tongue, smugly.

Kodachi frowned. "Nonsense! The many applications for such a beast are unlimited in number and-"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Kodachi…"

Kodachi looked away. "Fine, I shall bring it back home."

"Good." Ranma looked around. "So… is your brother coming?"

Kodachi shook her head.

Ranma nodded in understanding.

*GROWLLLLLL* went the boy's stomach.

The girls smiled… evilly.

'I have a very bad feeling about this…' Ranma thought as Kodachi and Shampoo looked at him.

"Oh, Ranma darling, let the Black Rose feed you your sustenance…" Kodachi laughed.

^Never mind that. MY body is far better to… eat off of…^ Shampoo countered.

"Dinner is ready!" Nodoka called out.

*ZOOM ZOOM* Ranma bolted inside faster than a blink of an eye.

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"Slow down, son, the food isn't going anywhere…" Nodoka shook her head.

Ranma swallowed. "Sorry…"

"Oh, Ranma darling, I, the Black Rose have an intriguing proposition for you." Kodachi smiled mischievously as lightning flashed.

Ranma blinked. "I don't think I should…"

^If it is about going on a date, I'll agree,^ Shampoo said offhandedly.

Kodachi scrunched her lips. "That was most definitely an insult, wasn't it?"

"Nah, not REALLY," Ranma stressed as he ate. "Anyway… what is it? Nothing embarrassing, right? I'm not going on a date with you."

Nodoka frowned. "I'm sure that Kodachi will be reasonable. Be nice, son."

Ranma groaned. "Yes, Mom…"

"While not being able to join you in that fashion IS most disappointing, what I have in mind is something completely different," Kodachi stated, struggling not to laugh like a noblewoman.

Ranma swallowed the food in his mouth. "Go Oon…"

"With myself, the Black Rose at St. Hebereke, and you, the cute witch at Furinkan, it can be possible to have the two of us, undoubtedly the best martial artist gymnasts at our respective schools to, dare I say, compete-" Kodachi was cut off by Shampoo.

"**GET ON WITH IT**!" Shampoo, frustrated, yelled into Kodachi's ear so loud that the Kuno girl toppled over.

Nodoka sighed. "Girls…"

"HOW **DARE** YOU! YOU… YOU BARBARIAN, PURPLE-HAIRED… BIMBO!" Kodachi shouted, standing up, face reddening.

"SHAMPOO NO BIMBO, RIBBON GIRL JUST STUPID! TAKE TOO **TOO** LONG TO SAY ANYTHING!" Shampoo countered, standing as well.

Ranma facepalmed.

"PERHAPS TO **YOU**! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT **YOU** COULDN'T UNDERSTAND A THING! **YOUR** VOCABULARY IS WEAK! **YOUR** CULTURE IS WEAK! **YOU** ARE WEAK!" Kodachi seethed.

Done eating, Ranma quietly slipped away.

**"WHAT YOU SAY?!"** Shampoo screeched.

"**ENOUGH!"** Nodoka put her foot down.

Kodachi and Shampoo cowered in the face of Nodoka's wrath.

Nodoka took a deep breath and spoke again, much more softly. "Thank you. Could we eat this meal in peace?"

Both girls nodded.

"Good. Now, what were you saying, Kodachi?" Nodoka asked, sipping her tea.

"… That the witch has left?" Kodachi answered.

Nodoka looked around and saw that Kodachi was right.

Shampoo mumbled. "Ribbon girl's fault…"

Nodoka buried her face in her hands as the girls went at it again.

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Kaori woke up to the darkness, unable to see anything. She tried to move her limbs, but that was proved to be fruitless.

"Hrghpgh!" Kaori's screams were muffled as she realized she'd been gagged.

'That witch! Damn it!' Kaori breathed heavily as she thought about what was to come. 'Now that she's been found out, she'll eat me for sure! Think! How do I get out of this?'

That was when light burst into the room as a door opened.

"Hey, Kaori," Ranma casually greeted as he walked in, closing the door behind him. "Here, let me turn on the lights."

After adjusting her eyes, Kaori saw Ranma standing there, eating noodles.

"So… *slurrrppp* how ya feelin'?" Ranma asked.

Kaori growled and struggled against her bonds that she could now see were keeping her slightly off the ground and spread eagle.

"Look, I'm sorry for knocking you out, but you _were_ trying to kill me," Ranma explained with a shrug. "Now, can you at least let me explain how you father's death isn't my fault?"

Kaori narrowed her eyes.

Ranma sighed. "Fine, fine. Then I'll just explain what I am, alright?"

Kaori growled.

The pigtailed boy turned into a girl. "I'm both, OK? I'm a guy, I'm a girl, I'm both! It's how I am… It's how I've always been. I was born like this. Here, look."

Ranma pulled a few photos out of her knapsack.

"Here's me as a kid as a boy and a girl, training in martial arts and traveling the world," Ranma showed Kaori. "Now, I'm going to remove the gag and try to solve our differences, alright?"

Kaori nodded and the gag was removed.

"What do you want with me, witch? What's your REAL reason for being here?" Kaori snapped through clenched teeth.

Ranma facepalmed. "I WANT to have my friend not try to kill me! Is that too much to ask?"

Kaori looked away. "If you're going to eat me, do it quickly."

Ranma groaned. "That's not… If I… Look, if I were a witch, wouldn't water melt me?"

"…" Kaori was stunned.

"And it's not my fault that your father died," Ranma sighed. "But I'm really sorry that it happened… If I knew he was worried about me, I would've done something. Sorry, Kaori…"

An uncomfortable silence settled over things for a moment, neither of them speaking for a while.

"I'm still not marrying you," Kaori hmphed.

Ranma shrugged. "So don't. Easy as that."

"But I HAVE TO! Family honor dictates it!" Kaori hung her head as tears started forming in her eyes.

Ranma massaged her forehead as she tried to think up a plan.

*Snap* went Ranma's fingers.

"I got it!" Ranma smiled.

"What?" Kaori didn't have high hopes for whatever Ranma might suggest.

"Legally, this body is under the name 'Ranko.' I even have a female birth certificate. Since gay marriage is still illegal in Japan, we can't marry! Problem solved!" Ranma dusted off her hands.

Kaori frowned. "That is just skirting around the whole thing dishonorably. Plus, you can still be male at will, I presume."

Ranma blinked. "So?"

Kaori sweatdropped. "You don't have much of a concept of honor, do you?"

"HEY!" Ranma turned male once more and narrowed his eyes. "I DO have a concept of honor! I just want you to be happy, is that so bad? Huh? You said you're your own person… Well… be that! I want to be my own person too! I even had to trick people and hide to get out of another engagement!"

"… WHAT?!" Kaori screamed.

Ranma sighed. "Yeah, Pops engaged me to another girl a long time ago. I found out, stayed a girl until he went nuts and then shipped him to China. His word isn't honorable by a longshot. So we can use that; I was already engaged, so this doesn't count."

Kaori narrowed her eyes. "Who is she so I may beat her!?"

"Aw, dammit! Kaori!" Ranma buried his face in his hands.

"While I don't want to get married to you, losing to another girl is unacceptable!" Kaori growled.

"You didn't lose!" Ranma yelled. "I'm gonna get that one canceled as well!"

Kaori blinked. "Oh… Well, that still leaves me in this mess."

Ranma started pacing the room. "Alright… So who's the head of your clan, then?"

"My father was…" Kaori sighed.

"Mmm… hmmm… And how about now?" Ranma asked.

"Um… perhaps… me?" Kaori's eyes widened.

"Uh huh. So, YOU can cancel this! Problem solved." Ranma smirked.

Kaori thought it over. "I guess…"

"Besides," Ranma said as he started untying Kaori, "Pops married into the family, so my Mom can cancel it on my end."

Kaori sighed. "Sorry for overreacting…"

Ranma shrugged. "Every friend I've met tried to kill me. No biggie…"

Kaori smirked. "You still didn't pay for your meal, though."

"DAMMIT!" Ranma shut his eyes in frustration.

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^Mousse, what are you doing?^ Cologne asked as she saw Mousse preparing to leave the village.

^I'm off to woo Shampoo.^ he said with a shrug.

Cologne chuckled. ^Like that will happen. When you inevitably run into Ranma, say hi for me.^

^Whatever, dried-up mummy,^ the young man replied.

*BONK* Cologne smacked Mousse with her stick.

^Who's a dried-up mummy?!^ Cologne chided.

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**Author's notes:** happy Christmas and a merry new year! Wow, 2 years for Noy now, damn… thank you all for this wonderful year! Vote in the poll! Yay Poll! See you in January! Love, the Text!


	24. Y16VIII

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** accusing people of witchcraft is not considered acceptable in most places.

**Caution:** if you made it this far into the fic in one sitting, you should prolly go to bed. Prolly…

**Notice:** that it's almost been a year of Btw. Woah, meta.

**Reviews:** me likey, cuz Imma Text! Dumbledork, you're welcome! Compucles, well, that's what happens when you grow up being told that in marriages, the wife obeys the husband. What, with the pressure to get out of the workforce and how things are very traditional, being forced to not work would be very hurting for her. Saying all, never, every, and always aren't definite when used. People use them wrong all the time. Not to mention Ranma's fears of it happening. Wrin, Ranma cutting down a palmtree with a herring isn't crack? Or the train? hero in a cup, or will it? O_o Riniko22, of course, easy stuff isn't that fun to read. gort420, what do you think the last chapter was for? But don't worry, Mousse, Ryoga, and such will come soon. Akane freak flag? Huh? luger 7, yeah huh! zangetsu422, the what? Ukyo huh? Well, I'll ask for her… Blackholelord, Oh really? Yeah, that Panda is a Nixon.

You have been warned….

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**Year 16 VIII I've Got It Covered**

Akane and Nabiki Tendo were walking to school; not running, but walking. Neither were in a rush at all.

"So, Akane, are you coming to see the match this Friday?" Nabiki asked, stretching her arms.

"I don't know…" Akane answered. "I don't really know much about martial arts rhythmic gymnastics…"

Nabiki shrugged. "So? It'll pit Ranko against Kodachi! I'm looking to make a killing in bets!"

"WHAT?!" Akane stopped in her tracks. "When did… You better not be pushing Ranko into this!"

"Me?" Nabiki laughed. "No, I'm sure the team will push her to do it. Once they get over their superstitions, that is."

"Why would Ranko do that?" Akane asked, baffled.

"You really don't pay attention at all, do you, sis?" Nabiki deadpanned. "They were teammates in middle school."

Akane shook her head. "I don't believe this…"

"Wow, the crowd looks bigger today… Wait… Oh, there she is…" Nabiki smirked.

Akane looked ahead and saw Ranko surrounded by girls in leotards.

"I'm not in league with Kodachi. I just think that is wrong." Ranko crossed her arms defiantly.

"But please, you're our only hope," a girl begged. "Now tell us her weaknesses!"

The others nodded, trying to look as pathetic as possible.

"Give me a good reason why I would even consider helping you," Ranko replied.

"Because… we need to win?" a girl answered.

"WHY?" Ranko stressed.

"What do you mean WHY?" Another girl blanched.

Ranko rolled her eyes. "Why do you need to win?"

"…" That left the group silenced.

Akane walked over to them. "Hi, Ranko…"

A girl glomped her and started crying. "Akane… Whaaa! The stupid, meanie, evil witch won't tell us Kodachi's weaknesses! Whaaa!"

"I'm not a witch!" Ranko took offense to that last one.

"Oh…" Akane mused. "I thought that you would have her go against Kodachi…"

"Bu-but Akane!" the girl whined. "She's a witch!"

Ranko threw her arms up in disgust and walked inside.

Akane facepalmed. "Honestly…."

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In the classroom of Nabiki, things were getting weird.

Nabiki Tendo couldn't believe her ears. "What?"

The girl standing in front of Nabiki slumped. "Ranko Saotome won't tell the team Kodachi's weaknesses."

"First of all, why does she have to tell _you_?" Nabiki asked.

"I don't get it." The girl's eyes went blank in confusion.

Nabiki sighed. "She's facing Kodachi herself, right?"

"Huh?" The girl looked shocked. "Why would that witch, no matter how cute, be facing Kodachi Kuno?"

Nabiki pinched her nose. "Do you realize how stupid you sound?"

The girl narrowed her eyes. "I am NOT stupid."

"Then explain WHY Ranko isn't going up against Kodachi." Nabiki crossed her arms.

"Because she's a witch!" The girl threw her arms into the air.

Nabiki's eye twitched. "Do you have any proof?"

"Well… that's… The bag! Yeah!" The girl pointed her finger at Nabiki. "She has that bag that has everything in it! I heard that she even had a wooden pole in there! How do you fit a two-meter-long pole into a bag like that?"

"Fine, fine." Nabiki resisted rolling her eyes. "Let's say she is a witch. Your point is?"

"She'll turn us into newts!" the girl accused, arms waving comically.

"…" Nabiki gave up.

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Shampoo exited the bicycle shop with a smile on her face… Oh, and a bicycle. It was a red one with a basket.

"Shampoo has time left," Shampoo thought aloud. "Good thing Shampoo pack extra lunch!"

With glee, Shampoo rode towards Furinkan High, despite not knowing where the school was or how to ride a bike.

It would explain why she was riding on the walls and rooftops.

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Ranko was surrounded by the martial arts rhythmic gymnastics team in a girls' restroom at school.

"… What?" Ranma said flatly.

"I said, is it another one of your witch powers or are you… one of those… things…" a girl asked, banging her head with her hand.

"Futa?" Another girl tried to help.

"Yeah, that." The other girl snapped her fingers.

Ranma fumed. "I am NOT a **WITCH**!"

"So you are a futa?" another girl asked.

"NO!" Ranko clenched her fists. "WHY do you think that?"

The first girl put her hands on her hips. "Look, witch, no girl could normally pee standing up like you just did. Either you're hiding a penis in your panties or something like that."

Ranma's eyes narrowed. "You soOo deserve a beating. If you want to look, fine. Let's get naked, ALL OF US."

"**WHAT?!**" the girls cried out in unison.

"Yeah, that's right." Ranko crossed her arms. "We all get naked and prove that we're all girls here."

"**WHAT?!**" the girls cried out in unison, louder this time.

"Heck, I'll even show you how to pee standing up." Ranko shrugged.

"**WHAT?!**" the girls screamed in unison, not quite as loudly.

"SAY WHAT AGAIN!" Ranko stomped her foot in defiance. "I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU!"

"This is insane!" A girl flipped out.

"NO!" Ranko seethed. "What's insane is that YOU girls keep bugging ME to give YOU secrets to beat Kodachi while insulting me **constantly**!"

The girls looked at each other, in confusion, fear and grossed-out-ness.

"So, are you a witch? Or a crossdressing boy?" one girl asked.

"…" Ranko cracked her knuckles.

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A short time later, Ranko was pulling out her lunch with a smirk on her face.

Akane scratched her head and looked around her classroom. "Where did the girls go?"

"Yeah!" Yuka looked around as well. "I KNOW that there are more than four girls in this class…"

"Maybe they're eating outside?" Sayuri suggested.

Ranko resisted laughing.

Akane went to the window and looked outside. "I don't see any girls from our class…"

"The girls are disappearing!" a boy cried. "Why, God? Why?!"

More boys joined in the freaking out.

Akane got a determined look on her face. "I'll go find them!"

Sayuri took a look at the boys in the classroom and stood up. "I'm coming too."

Yuka nodded as well.

Ranko burst out in laughter.

The whole classroom full of people turned to look at her.

"It's just… DAHAHAHA!" Ranko bent over, laughing loudly. "Yeah, I'll help too… HeehehAHA!"

"What's so funny?" Akane asked, suspicious.

"We're treating this like a mystery." Ranko shook her head, her laughter slowing to chuckles. "Come on, I'll show you where they are…"

Ranko left the classroom, followed by Akane, Yuka and Sayuri… and everyone else.

"See?" Ranko reached her destination and turned to face the group.

The group started blankly at the scene in front of them.

Girls, girls everywhere… all waiting… in line… to use the restroom.

A few of the girls in the front of the line were banging on the door angrily.

"UNLOCK THIS DOOR!" a girl yelled angrily, jumping from foot to foot.

'… They locked it?' Ranko covered her mouth, holding back laughter.

"That… explains it…" Akane murmured. "Wait, it's locked?"

"AKANE!" A girl in the line looked relieved. "They locked the door!"

Another girl spoke up. "A girl went to go get someone to unlock it, but she hasn't returned yet!"

"Please! Help us, Akane! You're our only hope!" a girl pleaded.

Akane nodded, walked up to the door and pushed.

The door strained before bursting open, the lock breaking in half.

Everyone but Ranko gasped at what they saw.

The martial artist rhythmic gymnastic team was wringing out their clothes in the sink. All of the members were nude.

Feminine screams echoed out of the restroom as the girls tried to cover themselves.

Akane's face turned red, and she closed the door.

The girls turned to see that the boys were all on the floor in a giant pool of their own blood, giant smiles on their faces.

Akane growled. "You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

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Ranko sat in the courtyard with Akane, Yuka and Sayuri, unable to contain her laughter.

Akane had crossed her arms. "That was cruel."

"Oh, come on!" Ranko snorted. "They've been bugging me all day, calling me a witch, and accusing me of being a futaari. They were asking for it."

Akane narrowed her eyes. "That's still taking it too far… right, Yuka?"

"Well…" Yuka trailed off.

Akane's eyes widened. "Sayuri?"

Sayuri giggled nervously. "They were being awfully mean..."

Akane's eye twitched.

"Hey, what did you want me to do?!" Ranko threw her arms into the air. "Beat them up? What would YOU do if a group kept insulting you like that?"

Akane was going to answer when Yuka interrupted.

"Don't lie," Yuka warned.

Akane's head swerved towards Yuka. "What is THAT supposed to mean?"

Sayuri twilled her thumbs. "You can be very… violent when others insult you, Akane."

"Well…" Akane mused. "But not girls!"

Ranko tilted her head, a giant question mark appearing over her head, turning chibi with a confused expression. "Why should there be a difference?"

"Because… because… BECAUSE!" Akane grew frustrated. "Honestly!"

*Ring ring* went a small bell.

"Who could-" Ranko was cut off by a bike appearing from nowhere.

Before she had time to react, the bicycle hit Ranko, causing her to flip over and land in the basket of the bike.

^Nihao!^ Shampoo smiled from the seat of the bike. ^I brought you lunch, Red.^

Sayuri and Yuka stared in amazement and shock.

"Shampoo! Why are you here!?" Akane demanded.

Shampoo turned towards Akane. "Why YOU here?!"

"I go to school here!" Akane growled.

"Oh…" Shampoo shrugged.

Ranko rolled her eyes as she ate the food Shampoo brought.

Sayuri raised an eyebrow. "So, your name… is Shampoo?"

"Yes!" Shampoo nodded.

Yuka scratched her head. "Are you a foreigner or…?"

"Shampoo Amazon," Shampoo explained. "Shampoo come because Shampoo bored. Want to find too, too good man."

Yuka sighed. "I know how that feels…"

Akane shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Shampoo, please explain to Ranko why it's wrong to strip a group of girls and throw their clothes into the toilets as punishment for being annoying and a bit insulting."

^Bahahahaaahaha!^ Shampoo laughed and fell to the ground, feet in the air, her bike somehow remaining upright.

Akane crossed her arms and looked away.

Ranko slurped her food smugly.

"How about hitting them?" Sayuri asked.

Shampoo got up off the ground and wiped away a tear. "When Amazon woman insulted by outsider women, too, too often Amazon kill women."

Sayuri and Yuka's eyes widened in shock.

"There she is!" a martial artist rhythmic gymnastic team member shouted and the group stomped over to Ranko. "Get her! Burn the witch!"

Ranko's eye twitched in annoyance.

Shampoo placed her fists on her hips. "Red no witch! She no has hat!"

The team was stunned into confusion.

A member regained her anger and yelled at Ranko. "What do you have to say for yourself, vile witch!?"

*Clank* Ranko slammed her empty container onto the carrying box and climbed off of Shampoo's bike.

"That you're lucky that I am not a killer," Ranko spat. "Seriously. Do not bug me or I WILL **BREAK YOU**."

Akane's jaw dropped. Shampoo got a dreamy look in her eyes. Yuka and Sayuri were stunned silent.

But the team…

"Making threats?" A member shook her head smugly. "We'll just report you."

Ranko laughed darkly. "Go ahead. It won't matter though."

The team shivered.

Another member shook it off though and smirked. "Oh yeah? We will. Who do YOU know? You just transferred here."

Ranko shook her head out of pity. "You don't get it. The principal is friends with my mom. In fact, I was employed by him before."

THAT shocked everyone else in the area.

Ranko casually put her hands behind her head and looked skyward. "So go ahead and tell someone. If I wanted to, I could get YOU kicked out. So leave me alone, that'll be great…"

Most of the team started backing off.

But one girl put her foot down. "I call your bluff! The principal isn't even here!"

"Yeah, he's in Hawaii." Ranko shrugged. "Mom said that he might come back this year."

The girl growled. "LIAR! Lying evil… WITCH!"

With that, she stormed off towards the school.

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All but one of the girls from the martial artist rhythm gymnastic team crowded Ranko's desk as the redhead sat in her chair.

"I SAID not to bug me," Ranko warned.

A girl stepped forward. "We are here… to apologize…"

Ranko blinked in surprise. "What?"

"We were… a bit extreme when asking for your help today." The girl bowed. "Sorry for bothering you too much."

Another girl looked away. "Our captain is… possessed… with finally winning a match…"

Ranko was shocked. "You… never won a match before?"

Another girl lowered her head. "Furinkan hasn't won a match in seven years."

"Wow…" Ranko digested that information.

"So please…" a girl begged by getting on her knees. "Please tell us anything that we can use to win. Ranko, the cute witch of Furinkan High, you're our only hope!"

The other girls joined in, all looking pathetic.

Ranko frowned. "Don't. Call. Me. A. Witch."

The girls looked at each other, confused. "But… aren't you a witch?"

"NO!" Ranko gritted her teeth.

A girl scratched her head. "But… isn't that what Kodachi Kuno calls you?"

Ranko clenched her fists, trying not to lash out.

"Why don't…" A girl gasped, eyes going wide. "It's… it's a term of endearment, isn't it! Sorry!"

The rest of the girls bowed over dramatically and chanted. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! We're not worthy!"

Ranko glanced around the classroom, and was amazed that it was still empty for lunch. "Get up…"

The girls did, shivering.

"Look, just… I told you before, I can't help by giving away any secrets. That's just messed up," Ranko clarified. "Got it?"

The girls nodded in fear.

"Good," Ranko sighed. "Do you still think I'm a witch?"

The girls shook their heads.

"Are you just saying no so I won't get mad?" Ranko asked.

Embarrassed, the girls nodded.

Ranko groaned. "Just… go eat your lunch. Sorry for drenching your clothes, but you WERE being cruel…"

The tiniest, most pathetic girl asked, trembling. "Will you please help us?"

And Ranko replied, "No."

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Ranko and Shampoo met up again at an ice cream place after Ranko was out of school and Shampoo off of work. Ranko was eating her ice cream with a vengeance.

^I am curious, Red…^ Shampoo folded her hands under her chin. ^Why do you hate being called a witch so much that you humiliated those girls?^

Ranko sighed. ^It's… complicated. For one thing, it's usually said with hatred and malicious intent.^

^That's true…^ Shampoo shrugged.

^Another thing is that… well… it seems to… cheapen… my life,^ Ranko tried to explain.

^Huh?^ Shampoo tilted her head. ^How does that make sense?^

^I said it was hard to explain.^ Ranko took a deep breath. ^ Think of it this way… What if I said that everything you are capable of doing is because you are given it through magic? No work on your part, all luck.^

^I would be extremely upset,^ Shampoo growled. ^To dismiss everything I worked for…^

^Yeah, it's like that.^ Ranko ate her ice cream more slowly. ^Plus, the whole… gender thing… A guy can't be a witch, you know… So that means that people would think you are turning into a guy because you are a witch… saying it's not a part of you… that it's just a disguise…^

The redheaded girl put her feet up on the booth's seat and hugged her legs.

^Oh…^ Shampoo looked down.

Ranko buried her face in her knees. ^I'm both… And to keep being insulted… It just reminds me of growing up with Pops… But instead of dismissing being a girl, it's a guy…^

The redhead started crying.

Shampoo moved to the other side of the table and hugged her friend.

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Meanwhile, back at the training hall of the Tendo dojo…

Nabiki's eye twitched. "… What?"

Akane sighed. "Ranko won't help at all. Can't blame her. The team was being… annoying."

Nabiki calmed herself. "Great. Now I have to readjust some things. Those idiots… So, what did they do?"

"Called her a witch… a TON…" Akane counted on her fingers. "Accused her of some other things, and were just being really pushy. THEN, after Ranko pranked them…"

Nabiki chuckled at that memory.

"… They threatened to get her thrown out," Akane continued. "But Ranko said she knew the principal. Sis, who IS the principal?"

Nabiki shrugged. "From what Kasumi says, he's a bit… energetic. Most likely insane."

Akane sighed. "It hurt Ranko pretty bad. She didn't say anything at all after lunch."

"Yeah, pulling a dragon's tail." Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Pretty stupid. She won't even attend, probably."

Akane shrugged. "I don't know… She might go to support Kodachi."

"That bad?" Nabiki shook her head sadly.

"No… Just supporting a friend, perhaps," Akane answered.

Nabiki blinked in surprise. "Who?"

"Kodachi." Akane answered, as if it were obvious. "Now, excuse me, Sis, I have to practice… Sis?"

Akane waved a hand in front of Nabiki's face, but the middle Tendo didn't move.

… For she was shocked into a granite statue.

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"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed, a hand to her mouth. "Facing off against the Cute Witch will be most enjoyable."

Ranko felt veins pop out on her head. "Kodachi…"

"Hmm?" Kodachi turned towards Ranko.

Ranko massaged her forehead. "You already won the match. We're at the celebration party."

Kodachi looked around the table she was sitting at to see Shampoo, Akane, Ranko, and Kaori.

The non-Hawaii Five-0 of girls sat in Kaori's restaurant, which was closed to other customers due to being after hours.

Kodachi blinked. "I know that..."

Akane rolled her eyes. "Anyway… nice restaurant you have here, Kaori."

Kaori tried to be modest. "Oh, it's nothing…"

"Shampoo do better…" Shampoo mumbled.

Ranko facepalmed. "Not again…"

Kaori laughed. "I'd like to see you try. It's no easy task."

"Yes is!" Shampoo slammed her fists. "Shampoo show it be too, too easy!"

Kodachi scoffed. "A barbarian like you wouldn't have the sophistication to run a restaurant if it hit you in the head."

Akane sighed.

"She's right," Kaori agreed with Kodachi. "There's the paperwork, the invoices, running a budget, and getting advertised… It's a lot of work, not just serving and making food."

Shampoo rolled her shoulders back and placed a hand atop her breasts suggestively. "Shampoo have most talent. Come eat…"

Akane's eye twitched. "What are you doing!?"

"Shampoo show off Shampoo due to Shampoo being too, too sexy!" Shampoo posed.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed. "In the most perverted sense, yes, but that skin-deep attraction won't help you without legs like these!"

Ranko banged her head on the table as Kodachi showed off as well.

"Honestly!" Akane exasperated.

The Chinese Amazon and the Black Rose proceeded to attempt to one up each other more and more.

Kaori glanced to Ranko. "How are you even friends with them, anyway?"

Ranko lifted her head up. "Shampoo actually respects me… mostly. She's just a show-off. And Kodachi is pretty nice for a rich girl. It's just that together… they fight a lot."

"I'll say." Akane rolled her eyes. "So… Kaori, what do you like doing?"

Kaori shrugged. "Not much. I don't have many hobbies. Too busy… BUT… there is a noodle delivery race a week from tomorrow. I'll be winning it."

Ranko smirked. "Not against me, you won't. It'll be great to get a lifetime supply of noodles."

"WHAT?!" Shampoo interjected, hearing something interesting. "Free noodles?"

Kodachi scoffed. "Things that are free are vastly inferior to anything that money can buy. Now… what was this about winning? The Black Rose shall always win!"

"Saturday after tomorrow," Kaori informed them. "The race will be a callback to the traditional occupation of noodle delivery. It's what my family did for generations until my father decided to get into the pickle business. Basically, you race with the food against other girls. If the food ends up not completely intact, you're disqualified. You may have to feed a person at the finish line the food, but it depends."

"Shampoo win easy!" Shampoo bragged.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed, a hand to her mouth. "Not likely! For I, the Black Rose, Kodachi Kuno shall enter and win!"

"But you don't even want the prize!" Akane yelled.

"That does not matter! Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi smirked. "I would just give the prize to the Cute Witch. Surely then she'll see my-"

Shampoo cut her off. "No, Shampoo will!"

Kaori rolled her eyes and turned towards Akane. "How about you?"

"I don't know…" Akane tapped her lip in thought.

"Afraid to lose, I see…" Kodachi snorted elegantly… somehow. "Clearly not much of a martial artist."

Shampoo nodded. "Too, too slow. If race, finish sixth out of five."

Ranko sighed. "Don't let them get to-"

"ARGGG!" Akane growled. "That's it! I'M entering! And **I'M** going to win! That'll shut you up!"

Kodachi scoffed. "Such an absurd fantasy! A Kuno shutting up…"

"Please, it's in my blood." Kaori smiled. "It's an endurance race while keeping your food intact. It's basically my job."

"So we're all in, then?" Ranko asked.

Everyone else nodded.

Kodachi stuck her chin out. "In that case, I propose a bet!"

Akane growled. "No way. We don't have the money to compete with you!"

^Winner will get to date Red!^ Shampoo winked.

Ranko smirked. ^I can't date myself, so no.^

"Fine, we will bet something that is much more reasonable." Kodachi grinned madly. "I am in need of some maids…"

"No." Kaori narrowed her eyes. "Nothing like that."

Ranko snapped her fingers. "Loser buys ice cream for everyone."

"…" The four other girls glanced at each other.

After a few moments, they all nodded simultaneously.

"It's settled," Ranko laughed.

^Ice cream date?^ Shampoo licked her lips.

^No dating!^ Kaori shouted.

Everyone else glanced at Kaori.

Kodachi frowned. "How monstrous for more people to learn things that I, the Black Rose, have not!"

"When you learn language?" Shampoo demanded.

Kaori shrugged. "You need to learn it if you're going to supply the Seven Lucky Gods with their pickles."

Ranko laughed. "Oh, yeah… Forgot about that."

Kaori nodded. "Now, I need to get paid for the food…."

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Kasumi hummed as she cleaned up her home. The place was already shiny, but Kasumi liked to be sure.

Kasumi glanced at the clock. "Oh my… it's time to water the garden."

Smiling, the nineteen-year-old young woman grabbed her watering can and went out to the front yard garden. There, in the midst of numerous roses, all colors from white to black, was a statue. The statue looked eerily like Nabiki. That's because it WAS Nabiki.

"Oh, these roses are so nice, aren't they, Nabiki?" Kasumi smiled as she watered the plants and talked to her sister. "It was so nice for Kodachi to give us these roses as a gift."

"How was I supposed to tell that they were just overly competitive…?" Akane mumbled to herself as she entered her family's property. "Oh, Kasumi! You're still up."

Kasumi smiled. "Yes, I am. How was the party?"

Akane sighed. "Weird… Anyway, Nabiki still hasn't gotten over her shock?"

Kasumi shook her head. "She's so cute though, and she livens up the garden."

Akane nodded in agreement.

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**Author's notes:** unfortunately, Noy and tuatara had to argue over this chapter, delaying it, oh well, till next time, IMMA Text!


	25. Y16IX

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** petty revenge is a vicious cycle of stupidity that kills everyone and makes readers cry. But that's more due to the fact that there was no yuri…

**Caution:** cute things are cute. People die when they are killed. The Pope is catholic. And you don't know the power of the darkside. Seriously. You don't. I know, cuz Imma Text. Thus I'm in the darkside constantly. Especially when you press the flip to dark button.

**Reviews:** are most welcome. Not more welcome, but most. Dumbledork, the whole fic is random crazy stuff. Wrin, and YOU'RE on fukufics! :O majishan, I love the statue too… it would go great in my garden. Raynze76, yep. It's a running gag, really. According to Black Dragon6, witches need just a magic item and control some magic. So Mousse is a witch! O_O That could only mean one thing… Mousse… is really… a GIRL! It's the only explanation! hero in a cup, if only it was for $19.95… Cuz that would be awesome… Partsu, innovator Noy! SignDowny, I'll keep pushing them. OddWallow, OVER slappsticky!? That's UNpossible! He's not trying to kill Ranma. He's trying to make Ranma super awesome. And yeah, Ranma being both is refreshing. I have no idea with any pairings, honestly. No Ranma/guy though… that's all I know. And Nodoka wants Kodachi because… Kodachi has no problem with the curse (from Nodoka's pov.) Kodachi was nice to Nodoka, not to mention keeping her company and… Kodachi's rich… ^_^' yeah… dunno about reaction, Imma Text, not writer. shugokage, YAY! The destroyer of fate, I like them too. :D

You have been warned….

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**Year 16 IX GASP**

Ranma walked the streets at night while male. It was mostly to enjoy being a guy, really. He didn't get to do that often. In fact, he had to ditch Shampoo in order to do so when the two were on their way home after leaving Kodachi with the bill.

'Nice, cool, fresh breeze…' Ranma smiled. 'I should be getting back though. It's getting late.'

With that, Ranma jumped onto a wall to take a shortcut home.

*Boom*

Ranma blinked in surprise as a small explosion poofed near the horizon.

'Mmm… What the heck?' Ranma shrugged and hopped over to the site, roofjumping on the way.

He got there in no time.

"What the heck happened here?" Ranma muttered to himself.

There was an empty lot in front of him. Well, _mostly_ empty… There was some junk scattered everywhere as well as the remains of a tree.

"Still can't find- … RANMA!" a voice yelled from behind the pigtailed boy.

Ranma turned around and found someone standing there… menacingly!

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Nabiki Tendo awoke to a bunch of flowers surrounding her.

"What the?" Nabiki shivered as the wind hit her. "Roses… roses EVERYWHERE! **WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?**"

Soun stuck his head out of the house, eyes weary. "Nabiki… *yawn* please keep it down…"

With that, he closed the door and went back to sleep.

Nabiki growled, her eye twitching. "**DAMN IT!**"

The middlest Tendo took big breaths to try and keep her cool.

"Okay… alright… think… How do I get out of this…?" Nabiki looked around to try and find an opening, but there was none.

Kasumi designed the garden to be overly elaborate, and that included being impossible to walk through without getting pricked with thorns.

"I really wish I cold jump high right now..." Nabiki muttered, her breath visible in the chilly air.

She walked along the edge of the clear area in a circle, desperately looking for something that wasn't there.

"AKANE!" Nabiki screamed. "GET ME OUT OF THIS **NOW**!"

The seventeen-year-old girl could be forgiven to forget that her sister was a heavy sleeper. It was a cold night, the ground was wet from Kasumi's watering, and Nabiki was in short shorts and a shirt.

Silence greeted Nabiki's ears.

"Dammit…" Nabiki shivered. "KASUMI!"

Crickets started chirping, but that was it.

Nabiki forgot that Kasumi was ALSO a heavy sleeper, due to working hard during the day. The good news was that she gets up early.

But that was hours away.

"Crap," Nabiki nearly sobbed. _Nearly_.

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Ranma faced the person who showed up and stared. "Um…"

The figure wore a poncho-like cloth, desert clothes, gloves and goggles.

"I have found you and now, I will have my REVENGE!" the figure roared.

Ranma sweatdropped. "Uh, for what?"

The figure growled. "YOU DON'T KNOW!?"

Ranma shook his head. "Kinda hard to recognize you… with the… well, everything…"

"Oh, right… sorry…" The figure pulled off the goggles and poncho thing.

Ranma gasped.

"WHAT?!" The figure's eye twitched.

"I dunno." Ranma shrugged. "Felt appropriate."

The figure took a deep breath. "You DO know who I am… right?"

Ranma rubbed his chin and squinted. "Maybe… You're just so… dirty… um… uh…"

The figure cleaned up a bit. "Now?"

Ranma stared and stared until his eyes were sore. "I'm going to go with… Ryoga Hibiki… Final answer."

"YES! I'M Ryoga Hibiki! What's with the final answer!?" Ryoga screamed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… chill…" Ranma waved his arms in a calming matter. "How've you been, buddy?"

Ryoga's body quivered with rage. "HOW'VE I BEEN?! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Stop being a drama king…"

"I'M NOT!" Ryoga yelled. "Because of YOU, I've seen HELL!"

Ranma facepalmed. "You saw hell?"

"YES!" Ryoga balled his fists. "It was hot, and boring, and hot, and so much FIRE!"

Ranma blinked. "You went to Hell? How is that even possible!?"

"I don't know!" Ryoga gripped his head. "Getting OUT was a big problem that… No… no, my REVENGE! Imma get my revenge!"

"Look, Ryoga, it's not my fault you somehow wandered into Hell-" Ranma was cut off.

"Yes it is!" Ryoga insisted. "First, you stole my bread…"

"I told you before-" Ranma was cut off again.

"Then, you left the area, forcing me to find my own way to school…" Ryoga continued.

Ranma sighed. "Ryoga…"

"All I wanted was my dad to love me-e-e-e-eee…" Ryoga whined.

"Huh?" Ranma scratched his head. "You have a dad?"

Ryoga stomped angrily. "And THEN! AND THEN! You… you… you ruined my chance at lifelong happiness!"

Ranma looked at Ryoga oddly. "Huh?"

"You are a… a…" Ryoga hit his head trying to get the word right. "A… a thing… magic… what's a male version of a witch?"

Ranma rubbed his temples in annoyance. "Sorcerer? Wizard?"

"Nah, not a sorcerer… unless you have a hat hidden somewhere…" Ryoga mused. "Do wizards need hats? I'm confused on that one…"

"Who the hell cares?" Ranma groaned.

"ME!" Ryoga fumed.

Ranma raised an eyebrow as Ryoga pulled out a red bamboo umbrella that was strapped to his back.

"Ranma Saotome, prepare to die," Ryoga stated, leveling his umbrella at Ranma.

The pigtailed lad shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Lightning flashed across the sky as they charged at each other.

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"Red, why ditch Shampoo?!" Shampoo grunted in frustration. ^I would have shown you a real good reason to be male…^

Shampoo licked her lips, thinking of her intentions as she continued to look for Ranma.

The purple-haired girl got to the highest point in the area and kept her eyes peeled for Ranma.

'Too bad I haven't seen you as male as much as female though…' Shampoo thought, shaking her head. 'It would make finding you much, much easier…'

It only took a while before she saw two figures fighting each other off in the distance.

'That must be him…' Shampoo smiled.

The Amazon leapt off the building and ran towards the fight.

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Ranma ducked under a swing from Ryoga's umbrella.

"Damn, man, you're really sloppy," Ranma commented as he dodged again. "You're letting your anger get the better of you, you know…"

"SHUT UP!" Ryoga shouted, swinging wildly.

Ranma rolled his eyes.

Ryoga missed again, hitting a wall.

*KABOOM*

Ranma raised an eyebrow at that. "Jeez, Ryoga, what did the wall do to you?"

"HOLD STILL, DAMMIT!" Ryoga screamed, jumping into the air and pointing his umbrella down.

Ranma backflipped away from where Ryoga was going to land.

***BOOM***

Ranma's eyes widened and he continued to backflip as the crater grew and grew in size, chasing him.

The ground shook, car alarms went off, and windows shattered.

Ranma finally skidded to a halt as he saw the crater stop growing. "Oh, WOW…"

The crater nearly ate up the whole lot, looking like a meteor hit it.

Peeking into the crater, Ranma saw Ryoga kneeling in the center, umbrella still planted in the ground.

Ryoga stood up and glanced around. "Hmm… Must have vaporized…"

"Um, up here…" Ranma slid down the edge of the crater. "Look, I'm impressed, honestly, but I still don't get why you want to kill me."

Ryoga gripped his umbrella tighter. "Do I have to spell it out for YOU!? IDIOT!"

"That would help…" Ranma answered. "Although being called an idiot really makes me not care..."

"FIRST, you ran away from my challenge!" Ryoga gave Ranma the pointy finger.

Ranma facepalmed. "I was there for three days, right outside your house…"

"Oh, but you can't wait for a fourth day, HUH!?" Ryoga growled. "Why draw the line at three days? Why not two or four?"

"I left you a note!" Ranma yelled.

"…" Ryoga blinked. "No, you didn't…"

"YES, I DID!" Ranma yelled. "It was right there next to your phone!"

Ryoga's eye twitched. "Why leave it THERE?! I haven't been home yet! You JERK!"

"It's not MY fault!" Ranma gripped his head. "Besides, why is THAT something to KILL ME FOR!?"

"Because shut up…" Ryoga put away his umbrella. "Let's settle this like men…"

Ranma sighed. 'Freaking bipolar…'

*Crunch*

Both boys looked up to the top of the crater to see Shampoo eating popcorn.

Shampoo frowned. "Why stop!? Shampoo want see fight!"

Ranma sweatdropped.

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"What's this?" Kaori asked Kodachi as the restaurant owner held up a gold necklace.

Kodachi flipped her head back. "This is obviously a gold necklace. Of course, with your social standing, it is obvious that you never held gold in your hand before, or even know what it looks like."

Karori growled. "I KNOW what it is!"

"Hmm?" Kodachi tilted her head. "Then why ask what it is? Unless, of course, you are thanking me for explaining this to you, which is much more likely…"

"Look, I know what it is. WHY are you giving me it?!" Kaori fumed.

"The Black Rose is amazed you have stayed open this long," Kodachi commented. "This is payment for the meal we have eaten. Surely, for the Cute Witch to have eaten as much as she did it must have been quite expensive…"

Kaori took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Alright… I get it… However, WHAT USE IS THIS TO A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER!?"

Kodachi blinked. "Gold is not useful to the commoners? This information is most useful. I shall easily liberate the gold from the ignorant masses if they see gold as a useless yellow rock. Thank you for this information. You have made the House of Kuno even richer than even thought possible."

"I NEED CASH NOW!" Kaori screamed, inwardly berating herself for losing her temper.

"Call JG Wentworth," Kodachi informed. "That fool helps thousands, he'll help you too. If you don't want the necklace, give it back."

Kaori took deep breaths. "Do you have any yen on you? Or any form of currency, for that matter?"

"What a ridiculous question!" Kodachi scoffed. "Of course NOT! Do I look like I have a containment device with me?"

Kaori gritted her teeth. "Then where did you carry the gold necklace?!"

"Around the Black Rose's neck?" Kodachi shook her head. "Farwell…"

Kodachi turned and left dramatically.

Kaori glanced at the necklace and sighed. 'I wonder if there's a pawn shop nearby….'

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Ryoga blushed as he looked up at Shampoo.

Being Shampoo, she didn't wear much, and the way she was sitting…. Well…

*Splurt*

The striped-bandanna boy that was Ryoga fell backwards, blood squirting out of his nose.

Ranma couldn't help but laugh. "Oh man! Ryoga… Still having problems looking at girls?"

"Shut up!" Ryoga yelled as he got back to his feet.

"OOOH… Fight? Yes?" Shampoo smiled.

Ryoga turned away from Shampoo. "Who are you and why are you interfering with our man-to-man fight!?"

"Shampoo no interfere!" Shampoo denied. "Shampoo want see too, too sexy fight!"

Ranma sat down, covering his mouth to suppress his laughter.

"What?" Ryoga sweatdropped.

Shampoo got in front of Ryoga. "Too, too sexy… Like see, yes?"

Ryoga trembled as Shampoo pushed herself up against him, eyes wandering, face reddening.

"Strong man very… very… sexy…" Shampoo licked her lips.

*SPLURT*

Ryoga fainted, blood gushing out like a geyser.

The pigtailed lad couldn't hold back anymore and laughed, falling to the ground.

Shampoo giggled as well. ^Red, who is this man anyway?^

Ranma pulled himself together. "He's a… friend… from middle school. Kinda… He wants to kill me. But… you know…"

Shampoo nodded in understanding. ^So you know him long? From being… middle?^

"Nah, only since last year." Ranma shook his head. "Now… what do I do with him?"

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Nodoka Saotome blew on her tea, causing the steam to dissipate into the air. After a couple of seconds of waiting, she sipped the tea, looking dignified and ladylike.

The house was quiet, peaceful, and relaxingly calm. It was the typical soothing Japanese home with a typical regal Japanese wife kneeling at a short table, drinking tea.

It was absolutely, positively… boring.

"Ranma should be home by now…" Nodoka thought aloud, a microscopic bit of worry seeping in.

But the house stayed quiet and intact.

Nodoka repressed a sigh and sipped her tea again, mind wandering and dreaming about the future of her child.

A big bubble appeared over her head, images starting to form inside it.

"Kodachi is like a daughter to me, and has been keeping me company while Ranma was away…" Nodoka mused, hand to her mouth.

The image settled to show Kodachi in a wedding dress next to a male Ranma.

Nodoka frowned. "Oh… wait… She sees Ranma as a witch…"

Ranma suddenly had a witch hat on.

"Mmm… No, that just looks silly on him…" Nodoka mumbled.

Ranma changed into a girl, in a suit, wearing a witch hat.

Nodoka shook her head. "I would really like my daughter to be more… feminine on her wedding day…"

The image shifted again to show Ranma in a wedding dress… and a witch hat.

"EEEE!" Nodoka couldn't help herself and her eyes turned into greater-than and less-than signs. "SO CUTE!"

A moment later, Nodoka collected herself. "That was… improper…"

Nodoka blushed momentarily, glad that no one saw her.

"Wait… it is illegal to have a lesbian marriage here…" Nodoka crossed her arms. "Bothersome. Perhaps if Kodachi were a he?"

Kodachi grew a mustache, and nothing else changed.

Nodoka closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "For having a child who is both male and female, I have difficulty imagining anyone else as the opposite sex."

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Shampoo drummed her fingers on her arm. ^Well? It's been two minutes, so what is your plan?^

Ranma shrugged. "I honestly have no idea what to do with him."

The two friends glanced down at Ryoga, still unconscious.

^Perhaps leave him at where I work with the doctor?^ Shampoo suggested.

"Better than anything I thought up," Ranma muttered. "It's open right now, right?"

Shampoo was about to reply with a quick, automatic yes, but had second thoughts as she noticed the time. "Um… Shampoo no know…"

Ranma sighed. "Oh well. We'll find out when we get there."

*Glomp*

The pigtailed lad rolled his eyes as Shampoo smothered him, rubbing her body against his. "Shampoo… Let go, I have to carry Ryoga."

Shampoo did so and stood back, a smirk on her face. ^Sure…^

Ranma raised an eyebrow as Shampoo licked her lips when he lifted Ryoga up onto his shoulders. "Could you get his stuff, Shampoo?"

Shampoo nodded and winked at Ranma.

'Weird…' Ranma shook his head and started walking off towards Dr. Tofu's clinic, Shampoo following behind with a smile on her face.

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Nodoka tapped her fingers on her lips. "Is Kodachi the right choice?"

The image above her had Kodachi look confused.

"While she has been great for me…" Nodoka sighed. "I've seen that she sometimes acts… less ladylike with other girls…"

The image of Kodachi smirked evilly and started laughing.

Nodoka tilted her head. "Then again… she IS rich…"

Money started raining over Kodachi.

"SoOo rich…" Nodoka nearly whined. "But… is she really the right choice? She DOES have that whole… witch fixation…"

Kodachi glomped a witch-hatted Ranko, who looked annoyed.

"But… Shampoo…" Nodoka bit her lip. "Would give me many… MANY grandchildren…"

Shampoo shoved Kodachi out of the way and Ranko turned into Ranma.

"But… Kodachi is rich…" Nodoka mused. "Shampoo doesn't have much…"

Kodachi rode a wave of money into the scene, washing over everyone.

Nodoka sighed blissfully. "So much money… However… Shampoo has the most… talent…"

Shampoo smothered Ranma with her breasts.

"What am I going to do…?" Nodoka sighed. "Would Shampoo be willing to do… THAT to my daughter?"

Shampoo pulled out a mustache and put it on, moving her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Nodoka buried her face in her hands. "What is WITH my imagination?"

Shampoo dragged Ranma away, turning him into Ranko. Kodachi grabbed onto Ranko and was dragged along. Shampoo shrugged and smirked.

"Oh my…" Nodoka blushed.

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"Aaaand it's locked," Ranma sighed as they got to Dr. Tofu's clinic. "Now what?"

"Smash." Shampoo smiled.

Ranma facepalmed. "Breaking down the door will just cause more problems. You WORK here, Shampoo!"

"…" Shampoo tilted her head. ^And?^

Ranma sweatdropped. 'Why do I even bother?'

That is when Ryoga stirred. "Oooh… What happened?"

"Buddy, you just saw a pretty girl in a revealing outfit." Ranma shrugged. "Not the first time that's happened…"

Ryoga growled from atop Ranma's shoulder. "HEY!"

Shampoo put down Ryoga's bag and pulled out her popcorn, sneaking into the shadows.

"It's true," Ranma pointed out.

Ryoga, still on Ranma's shoulder, kneed the pigtailed lad.

*CRASH* The two fell to the ground, Ryoga on top of Ranma.

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN!?" Ranma screamed as he pulled his head up.

Ryoga responded by shoving Ranma's head down, destroying the concrete sidewalk.

"HELL!?" Ryoga seethed. "I'LL SHOW YOU HELL!"

Ryoga punched Ranma in the back, repeatedly.

"Oof, OOf, OOF!" Ranma gritted his teeth as he was pummeled into the ground.

"THIS IS FOR STEALING MY BREAD! THIS IS FOR RUINING MY LOVE LIFE! THIS IS FOR KILLING ME!" Ryoga cried.

Ryoga's punches kept pushing Ranma into the ground, creating another crater.

The lost boy panted, stopping as tears came down his face.

With the attacks stopping, Ranma pushed up, launching the boys into the air. "WHAT!? I DIDN'T KILL YOU!"

"You might as well have!" Ryoga wiped his face. "I've seen hell because of you!"

"Just because you keep saying that doesn't make it true!" Ranma complained as they landed apart. "And if you died, how are you even here!?"

"I got better…" Ryoga mumbled.

Ranma sighed. "Fine, fine. If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get."

Ryoga snorted. "As if I believe you, coward."

Ranma narrowed his eyes, the rest of his face becoming neutral. "I'll go first then."

"Huh?" Ryoga blinked.

*KAPOW!*

Ryoga bent over as Ranma rushed in seemingly out of nowhere and punched him in the gut.

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"On the other hand… Kodachi is from a very influential _Japanese_ family," Nodoka thought aloud. "While Shampoo… isn't."

The image of Kodachi put on a bad orange wig and a suit, pulling a giant sign out of nowhere with the words [Where's your birth certificate?] written on it. Shampoo and Ranma sweatdropped.

Nodoka took a deep breath. "Wonder where that came from… Perhaps a third option? But who- No…"

A smiling Akane walked into the image bubble and waved.

"Wouldn't she still be mad? All the lies!" Nodoka fretted. "She doesn't know!"

Image-Akane's scowling head grew extremely large as everything else in the bubble was burning. Ranko was running around, hair literally on fire.

"I've made a terrible mistake…" Nodoka sniffled.

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"Oh, that hurt," Ryoga moaned as he fell to the ground, clenching his stomach.

Ranma just glared at him.

"But… this will HURT **MORE**!" Ryoga shouted as he grabbed his umbrella from his backpack and swung it at Ranma.

The pigtailed lad dodged it, backflipping away.

"Stop moving, dammit!" Ryoga seethed.

Ranma responded by charging Ryoga again, uppercutting him.

The eternally lost boy grabbed Ranma's arm.

*Ching*

"What the?" Ranma looked down to discover his left wrist handcuffed to Ryoga's. "Oh, COME ON!"

Ryoga smirked, blood trickling out of his mouth. "Now I got you-OOF!"

Ranma sucker punched his opponent while he was bragging. "_I_ am not lefthanded… idiot."

"Shut up!" Ryoga spewed as he brought down his umbrella.

*RIPPP*

Ranma's eye twitched as his shirt was ripped almost entirely down the middle. "You… JERK! I LIKE this shirt!"

"Stop whining like a girl and fight!" Ryoga scolded, swinging his umbrella again.

Ranma growled and kicked the weapon, knocking it out of Ryoga's hand.

*Thunkk*

Shampoo blinked and looked down at the umbrella that stuck top first into the ground. 'Maybe…'

The Amazon plucked it out of the ground and opened it.

'Does this make me look more exotic?' Shampoo thought to herself as she twirled it on her shoulder. 'Maybe if I show more leg… No, watch the fight! It's the boys' turn to look sexy!'

Ranma ran as fast as he could towards the outskirts.

Ryoga was dragged along, body tearing up the streets and clothes staying mostly intact.

'Come on, where is it?' Ranma wondered as he searched his bag for something to pick the lock. 'What are these handcuffs made of!?'

Shampoo followed along, roofhopping and using the umbrella like a parasol. ^Wheee…^

"Enough!" Ryoga shouted and dug his feet into the street, causing Ranma to fall over. "Let's see you run when you are cut TO PIECES!"

Ryoga took off six bandannas and flung them through the air.

"Whoa!" Ranma was caught off guard to say the least.

The first one Ranna dodged and it flew off into the distance. The second one cut his side, tearing his shirt more. The third deflected off the handcuffs and hit a tree. The fourth hit the same cut again on Ranma. The fifth cut the handcuffs. And the sixth was dodged completely.

"SSSS…" Ranma seethed as blood dripped on the ground. "You are REALLY getting a pounding now!"

Ryoga snarled and undid his end of the handcuff. "SHUT UP!"

Ranma narrowed his eyes and blurred.

The lost boy didn't know what hit him. Most of his clothes flew off as he went sailing through the air, bouncing on the street.

Shampoo whistled at that.

Ranma heard the whistle and looked up to where Shampoo was. "Enjoying yourself- Shampoo, look out!"

The Amazon tilted her head when she head it. Buzzing through the wind was a bandanna and it was headed right for her.

Ranma's face showed his panic as he tried to move, but his injuries were starting to catch up to him due to his adrenaline running down.

Shampoo saw the bandanna…

*Plop*

Ranma looked away… for a bit. He couldn't help but glance back at Shampoo.

Only to see that she had caught it in her hand.

"Red scared, neeee!" Shampoo taunted. ^What? You thought it would ruin my good looks? Heehee…^

Ranma sighed in relief.

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Ryoga bounced and tumbled uncontrollably, mostly naked.

The streets were being wrecked and car alarms were going off.

'Oh, shoot! A house! A house!' Ryoga panicked.

*Crash*

Ryoga made a hole in the wall, skidding to a stop soon after.

"Oh, dear… Are you alright, young man?" a female voice asked, worried.

Ryoga glanced up to see a woman kneeling over him… and three girls in an image spot above HER, fading fast. "Redhead girl…"

Nodoka fretted as the nearly nude boy fell unconscious.

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Nabiki shivered as she paced her small area. "Damn, it seems like there's a fight somewhere over there too. Probably a certain redhead… This is not fair!"

Suddenly, a bandanna zoomed by and hit the house, barely missing Nabiki by millimeters.

Nabiki's eye twitched. "… **AHHHH**!"

The bandanna fell down, right on top of the rose bushes.

'A bandana? Well... it'll provide more warmth.' Nabiki hoped as she stretched to reach it.

The middlest Tendo grabbed it between two fingers and smirked when suddenly a sonic boom shook the area. Nabiki promptly fell into the rose bushes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Nabiki swore ALL THE SWEARS.

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**Author's notes:** yep, Ryoga is here! Did he really go to hell? Who will get it on with Ranma? Will Akane be able to forgive the lies? And will Nabiki survive? Tune in next time for the next installment of Born that way! Imma Text.

**Authour's notes:** Hi there! Look, I'm glad that MY idea finally hit 150 favorites and you've been a great reading... people... BUT, this fic is still not on the fanfic wiki! D: FIX IT FIX IT! FIX IT! Pleeeeeaaassse! I'll get Noy to update stuff more...help a Telinú out!


	26. Y16X

_**B**__orn that way_

~Noy Telinú~

**Warning:** mountains of reference humor ahead. Per usual.

**Caution:** letting it go when you are trying to save a person who is dangling over a cliff is not cool. Even if you have ice and snow powers. Or Batman. Especially Batman, despite regretting the decision to let the guy live. At least he didn't end up stealing your girlfriend who changes her name all the time, a guy with half a face did. Yep. Should have seen that coming Bruce, but why trust a shark right?

**Thanks:** to tuatara for making this readable.

**Image:** like it? OkamitheBlueWolf drew it. Artist.

**Reviews:** majishan, I'm sure they will. Maybe. Actually I'm not that sure. Imma text... Compucles, hey at least he means it this time. As for pairings, well, one was supposed to be the ideal Ranma/Akane pairing, but that has issues of not updating due to stuff and every year since the ideal Ranma/person matchup has been started although most are pretty far away. Blackholelord, kinda. But remember that Ranma can change at will so... The destroyer of fate, ;P luger 7, Righteous! hero in a cup, I am sure that Noy appreciates your appreciation. Guest, it is written now, yes. Okami's fault. Drawing stuff image thingy profile. Nah, just kidding, don't eat me Text isn't that chewy. Yes, Genma is easy to hate, tuatara says to stop making him like that though so... And Ucchan is coming. Right? RIGHT?! Realm, maybe. Wait, there's internet in hell!? LordofPudding, I regret nothing! Noy regrets stuff though but I regret nothing! And Ucchan is I dunno lol. Omnitroid1, For fanfiction you monster! Wait... so Imma murderer?! AHHHHHHHHHH! The Keeper of Worlds, is a year and a month soon? I hope so... Winter's Folly, I hope so.

You have been warned….

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**Year 16 X: Ryoga!**

"Well…" Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Kinda. Those were sharp and your hair was blowin'…"

^Your caring spirit is touching, Red. But you need not worry. I am Shampoo! Village Champion! Not some city girl weakling,^ Shampoo bragged, puffing her chest out in Ranma's direction.

Ranma sighed. "I suppose. Well, let's get back home. We won't find out where Ryoga went standing here."

^And his nudity!^ Shampoo licked her lips.

The male martial artist rolled his eyes and led Shampoo back home, picking up Ryoga's bag along the way.

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"Sssss… Ahh…!" Nabiki moaned, lying in the yard. She was finally out of the rose bushes and back on the grass, carefully pulling thorns from her skin. "Sssss… Ahh… ahhhHHHDAMMIT!"

Nabiki seethed as she saw blood. 'NO ONE MAKES NABIKI BLEED AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!'

A mound of thorns piled up next to Nabiki as she tried not to cry.

'This is all Ranko's fault! If she wasn't fighting… No, this is Kasumi's fault! She put these damn roses here! Wait, no, Kodachi! For giving them to Kasumi! No, AKANE! If she hadn't surprised me, I wouldn't be in this situation! No… No, if Ranko wasn't so unpredictable and wasn't friends with Kodachi everything would have gone according to plan! I will get my revenge on her! I… AHHHHHH! Dammit!' Nabiki was just barely holding back tears. "Burn. I'll burn you down, roses. Evil, prickly flowers of evil…"

Nabiki kept mumbling as she pulled out thorns all through the night.

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'Oh, dear. That was quite a crash. What to do in this situation?!' Nodoka fretted.

"…" Ryoga was unconscious.

"…" Nodoka just sat there.

…

….

…..

…

'I have no idea what to do!' Nodoka panicked internally, hands to her cheeks like the painting.

The Saotome matriarch ran out of the room. She soon came back with a futon and stuck Ryoga on it.

'There! That works… Right?' Nodoka bit her lip. 'Something is missing… Aha!'

She placed a hot, wet towel on Ryoga's forehead.

'Yes! Success!' Nodoka turned chibi and party streamers blasted in the background, her face like a cat. :3

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"Even if I agreed to satisfy your fantasy, there's no way he would go for it. Besides, regardless of whether he's gay or not, he kinda hates my guts right now," Ranma explained as best he could to Shampoo as they arrived at the door of his mother's home.

^And?^ Shampoo tilted her head, confused. ^Enemies make the best of lovers…^

'Sometimes I don't understand female behavior,' Ranma muttered internally. "Shampoo, I… Damn it, I told you not to smash holes in walls!"

Shampoo returned from dreamland and looked to where Ranma was pointing, where she saw that yes, there was a hole in the wall of the house.

"Shampoo no do it!" the girl exclaimed, pleading her innocence.

Ranma frowned. "It's a human-shaped hole, Shampoo! Now I have to fix it! And get the supplies to fix it… Which should be done first, obviously…"

As Ranma mumbled to himself, he opened the front door. Entering the house, he found his mother crouched over an unconscious Ryoga lying on the floor with a blanket covering him.

Nodoka turned and saw Ranma and Shampoo. "Welcome home! Oh dear, son, would you please go get the first aid supplies? This poor boy came crashing through the wall…"

Ranma's eye twitched as Shampoo looked smug, pulling out her bag of popcorn.

"This can't possibly…" Ranma started, rubbing his temples furiously in frustration.

That's when Ryoga stirred.

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Cologne sat at her desk. In her hut. In the Amazon village. In China, not the bottom of the sea. There she wrote with a giant feather pen.

_Dear Shampoo,_

_All has been well for the most part. Food has been plentiful, the rains frequent, even the despicable person named Genma has not been a bother to anyone. He just sits in his cage, mostly still. Have to poke him every once in a while to make sure he's still alive. Very eerie. Everyone is doing fine. We are fine now. How are you?_

_Alas, there is one small issue that needs to be taken care of. In your absence Mousse has been restless. He was told that your trip would be short and you would return soon, but this doesn't seem to be the case. He accuses me of lying, but you know this isn't true. For it is on you, Shampoo. Your change of plans has consequences and now I fear something incredibly… stupid will happen._

_Nevertheless, enjoy yourself. And if you can convince a certain someone to mate with you, all the better._

_Your oldest living relative,_

_Cologne_

Cologne folded the paper and placed it in an envelope before bouncing out of her hut. Her gaze turned to Genma, who was as unmoving as usual, and then to Mousse's hut, which was uncharacteristically silent.

^Evening, child,^ Cologne greeted an Amazon on top of a large mound near her hut. ^Any news, hmm?^

The Amazon shook her head. ^A letter?^ she asked, looking to what Cologne carried.

^To Shampoo. If you would be so kind…^ Cologne smiled.

^It would be an honor. And my duty.^ The Amazon took the letter.

^It's your job…^ Cologne muttered under her breath.

Ignoring the comment, the Amazon tied it to an arrow and shot it far off into the distance.

The arrow struck the trunk of a tree at an outpost on the outskirts of the village. The envelope was soon retrieved and fired further along the route to the nearest city, where it was then mailed by normal means.

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Ryoga stirred and turned his head towards Ranma's direction, opening his eyes in a daze. "Ooh… Where am I?"

"You are in my home; you crashed through the wall. How do you feel?" Nodoka asked, a bit worried but relieved that the boy was awake and moving.

Ryoga raised an eyebrow. 'Ranma?'

He blinked and raised a hand to rub his eye. But Ranma wasn't there. However, Shampoo still was.

'Must be my imagination… But her…' Ryoga tried to stand up. "I'm fine, thank you…"

Nodoka pushed him to lie back down, an act possible for her due to Ryoga's wooziness. "No, rest for now. You hurt yourself. Ranma, please bring me that kit!"

Ranma, who was hiding behind some furniture, swore under his breath. 'Dammit, Mom!'

"Ranma?" Ryoga recovered enough energy to sit up, overcoming Nodoka's strength. "Ranma! Where are you, you COWARD!?"

Nodoka blinked. "Oh, dear…"

Shampoo leaned against a wall that was still standing and ate popcorn, watching the scene with glee. 'Yes, now it is the male's turn to be sexy. Nearly nude sexy!'

Ranma bit his lip. 'Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT! Think, Ranma, think!'

Ryoga got up and stumbled around the house, looking for Ranma and unaware of his near nudity.

"What do you have against Ranma?" Nodoka tried to get Ryoga to answer.

However, Ryoga was too busy acting like a drunken sailor to respond.

^He fought with Ranma in the street. He has it in for Ranma for some past reason or something.^ Shampoo shrugged. ^His name is Ryoga.^

Nodoka's eyes widened. 'Ryoga? Ranma's almost friend? But I thought… Oh, no! Did they have a falling out? Oh, dear. Oh dear, oh dear!'

Ranma changed into a girl. Then a guy. Then a girl. Then a guy. Then a girl. Then a guy again.

Ryoga slipped and fell over the furniture Ranma had ducked behind and landed face up. His gaze went right to where Ranma was hiding.

Ryoga scowled. "Ranma!"

Ranma waved nervously. "Hey, how ya doin'? You look hurt, so, uh, lying down seems good, doesn't it?"

Ryoga staggered to his knees. "You will pay for this!"

"Nuh uh, hold on there. This is my Mom's house. And mine, really, but… Oh, whatever. So don't you dare break it. Any more than you already did, anyway…" Ranma was sweating nervously.

Ryoga blinked. "She… She's your mother?"

Nodoka moved into Ryoga's view and bowed politely. "Hello there, Ryoga. My name is Nodoka Saotome. I am pleased to meet you."

Ryoga flinched and bowed back sheepishly. "Pleased to meet you…"

^Aw… I want a fight! Or angry sex. Or both!^ Shampoo licked her lips.

^Shampoo, that is not appropriate,^ Nodoka frowned. ^Happy sex is much more pleasant!^

^MOM!^ Ranma facepalmed. ^Not you too!^

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Kaori struggled to keep a calm face. 'Two hours. TWO HOURS! Just buy it already!'

"Yeah, I don't know. I got a buddy of mine, knows all about gold necklaces. Lemme give him a call…" the balding, overweight pawn shop owner said, still a bit skeptical.

"I don't have time for this," Kaori urged as civilly as she could. "Just tell me what you will pay right now."

"10,000, all in advance," the potential buyer offered.

"10,000?!" Kaori shrieked. "You… You rip-off artist!"

*Kick*

"AHHH!" The shop owner fell over, clutching his shin.

Kaori took the gold necklace and walked out, grumbling.

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"So…" Ryoga scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Ranma blinked. "Yeah?"

"Um… Nice place, I guess," Ryoga complimented.

"Yeah. It's nice." Ranma nodded.

Shampoo whined, arms crossed. ^Just do it already!^

Ranma did his best to ignore her. "Anyway… About the whole 'killing me' thing…"

"Oh. Yes. Right. That." Ryoga glanced at Nodoka. "Um. Well. I… Hell wasn't _that_ bad. It was worse, actually. But I didn't stay there long. So… And it's not like you directly sent me there, so… Maybe I'll just, you know, since I'm such a forgiving guy and all… I'll settle for just… Mostly killing you. Yeah."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "'Mostly dead,' then? How do you even…?"

"Now, now. Violence doesn't solve **everything**…" Nodoka had a tray full of tea. "It doesn't matter who was to kill whom… This is supposed to be a happy occasion! My son has talked a lot about you, Ryoga-kun. Green tea?"

Ryoga blushed as he took the cup. "Thank you."

Shampoo's face wore a giant grin, her giddiness causing her to bounce from foot to foot.

Ryoga sat at the table, followed by Ranma.

"And black coffee for you…" Nodoka handed Ranma a cup. "Now don't take too long drinking that. It's getting late."

"Thanks." Ranma nodded as he took the cup.

"Coffee?" Ryoga blinked.

"Green tea…" Ranma snorted.

Ryoga did a double take. "Coffee?"

"Green tea…" Ranma said in disgust.

"COFFEE?!" Ryoga couldn't believe his eyes.

"GREEN TEA?!" Ranma yelled.

…

….

…..

Ranma turned away and downed the whole cup. "Coffee."

Ryoga grumbled. "Green tea…"

"Shampoo!" Shampoo added her two yen, raising her hand.

Ranma rolled his eyes.

"You no take popcorn." Shampoo frowned, holding her bucket of popcorn.

"So…" Nodoka cleared her throat. "What was Hell like, Ryoga-kun?"

Ranma's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he facefaulted, causing the whole house to shake.

"Hell… It's, uh, Hell." Ryoga took a sip of his tea. "You know, hot, fiery… Don't want to go back."

"Duh." Ranma had recovered.

"And it's, well, because Ranma… He… I mean, he has helped me before, but because… It's complicated. You know?" Ryoga drank more tea. "This is really good, ma'am. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Nodoka smiled. "My son told me what you liked."

Ranma fumed, grumbling.

"You seem like a nice lady, Mrs. Saotome, but I need to get revenge on Ranma!" Ryoga had some of his trademark anger back. "I, I won't kill him. But I need to get my revenge!"

"For what?" Nodoka asked.

"Because of him I've seen Hell!" Ryoga yelled.

"Stop blaming me!" Ranma screamed back.

"If you'd just waited ONE! MORE! DAY!" Ryoga seethed.

"IT WAS YOUR OWN BACKYARD, YOU IDIOT WRAPPED IN A MORON!" Ranma's face was as red as his girl body's hair.

"**ENOUGH**!" Nodoka screamed.

The other two immediately became silent. Even Shampoo was frozen in fear.

"So uncivilized," Nodoka scoffed. "Now, are you two going to settle this honorably or not?"

"What do you mean?" Ranma asked. 'I have a bad feeling about this…'

Nodoka's eyes narrowed. "A duel. To the almost death."

*Clink clink*

Ryoga's cup fell to the floor.

"GASP!" Shampoo exclaimed, hands on her cheeks.

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"It's weird how you can find these empty lots." Ranma frowned as he stood across from Ryoga.

"What's so weird about it?!" Ryoga yelled.

Ranma's eye twitched.

"Let the duel to the mostly death begin!" Nodoka called out cheerfully.

^Bathe in his blood! His too, too sexy blood!^ Shampoo's eyes became greater-than and less-than signs.

"Fight!" Nodoka raised her arm.

Ranma and Ryoga charged each other, eyes glaring and voices raised.

"YOU'LL PAY, RANMA!" Ryoga screamed.

"SHUT UP ALREADY, YOU CRYBABY!" Ranma responded.

They traded punches, zipping back and forth too fast for Nodoka to keep up.

'I hope this will patch things up between them.' Nodoka bit her lip in concern.

"BECAUSE OF YOU I'VE SEEN HELL!" Ryoga went on about that again, grabbing Ranma and slamming him into the ground.

*BOOM*

The impact was so great Ranma bounced up in the air where Ryoga was waiting.

*SPIKE*

Ranma braced himself and slammed into the earth again even harder, creating a crater.

"ENOUGH ABOUT HELL ALREADY! IF YOU WENT THERE THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" Ranma roared, jumping out of the crater.

Ryoga shrugged. "Wandered out, I guess?"

"GAH!" Ranma facepalmed. "You… You idiot! That's it! Boot to the head!"

"What?" Ryoga blinked.

*Boot*

Ryoga should've seen it coming but didn't as he went flying after being booted in the head.

Shampoo whistled as Ryoga bounced over the fence.

Ranma snorted and jumped over to follow Ryoga.

Except… He was nowhere to be seen.

Ranma couldn't believe it.

^Hello, sexy gu- Hey!^ Shampoo frowned as she peeked over the fence and only saw Ranma. ^Did he get lost?! NOOO!^

Ranma snarled, stomping. "That no-good little- Accusing me of- That, that… Stupid Ryoga!"

*Stomp*

*Splash*

Ranma's gaze slowly moved downward to the puddle his left foot was in. "Of course…"

Nodoka had come around and saw Ranma standing in a puddle. "Son, I am disappointed. You are too old to be playing in dirty puddles."

Ranma sighed in defeat. "I'm going to bed."

And with that he stuck his hands in his pockets and trudged back home, left pant leg irritatingly soaked.

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Nabiki finally gave up the ghost, her body covered in scratches and oozing blood, as she lay sprawled next to the koi pond.

"Oh my…" Kasumi blushed and shoved Nabiki's ghost back into her body. "Nabiki! Put some clothes on!"

Nabiki didn't even respond to that, exhausted as she was.

Which meant that Kasumi left. Only to return shortly thereafter and place a blanket over her sister.

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"What's the matter? You've been off all day," Akane inquired of Ranko as they exited the school. "Are the gymnasts giving you a hard time?"

"Hm?" Ranko blinked. "No, no. Not at all. Just… It's nothing."

Akane frowned. "You're not fooling me."

"Well, I don't need to because nothing is wrong at all. Nope." Ranko shook her head.

"RANMA!" Ryoga screamed from the front gate.

Ranko froze. 'AHHHHHH! Not now! Not him!'

Akane blinked. "Ranko?"

Ranko was next to Ryoga in a flash. "What are you doing here?!"

Ryoga froze. "Red… Red…"

'Shoot, I'm a girl now!' Ranko's eyes widened. "Umm… Sorry. Hehe… What are you doing here, mister?"

Akane caught up and gave Ryoga a curious glance. 'What's going on?' she wondered.

Ryoga gulped, twirling his fingers. "Well, I… Uh, you see… Um, well, Ranma…"

"You're looking for Ranma?" Ranko giggled. "Ranma Saotome?"

"Uh, yes! Yes, him…" Ryoga couldn't make eye contact.

"Oh, I'll tell him for you then, alright? What's your name, big guy?" Ranko sweet talked.

Akane raised an eyebrow. 'Huh?'

"R-Ryoga Hibiki…" Ryoga stuttered. "You. I mean, uh… Who… Uh…?"

"Ranko Saotome. Ranma's my brother," Ranko lied, giggling. "My brother has told me a lot about you, how you were friends… You mean a lot to him and I hope you're still on good terms after all this time."

Ryoga gulped. "Uh, s-sure…"

"That's great!" Ranko glanced at Akane. "He'll meet you at the same lot as before. He's waiting for you. Better not be late. Got it?"

"Sure. I, I hope to see you again!" Ryoga waved and ran off in a random direction.

Akane shook her head in confusion. "So, what was that about?"

"Hm?" Ranko tried to pretend she didn't hear the question.

"Why did he want you and why did you lie like that?" Akane asked.

"Uh, well, you see…" Ranko thought faster than she had in a long time. "I knew him when Pops made me pretend to be a guy. Kinda rocky relationship. Anger issues. Blames me for stuff 'cause he gets lost all the time. Now I have to deal with him wanting revenge and stuff. Couldn't tell him I'm a girl. That would just destroy him, you know? Guys and egos and the stigma of fighting a girl? Yeah…"

Akane frowned. "Well… Huh. That's… kind of strange. Doesn't stop Kuno…"

"Tatewaki Kuno is insane." Ranko shrugged.

"Your words hurt me so, Ranko Saotome…" Not surprisingly, Kuno was being overly dramatic as he introduced himself.

Ranko gulped, seeing the new arrival. "Well, it's because you… Are insanely talented and so all-around awesome that it should be illegal. Yep."

"Oh, I see. It was just an embarrassing misunderstanding. For shame that I, Tatewaki Kuno, was deceived. Apologies." Kuno bowed. "And dearest Akane Tendo, unfortunately I have no time to stay. Alas, there is a family matter to which I must attend. Farewell."

Ranko sighed in relief as Kuno walked away.

"So, about this Ryoga guy… He obviously has a crush on you." Akane couldn't help but say it.

Ranma groaned. "All the more the reason I can't tell him. Not that he would believe me anyway."

"Maybe. But shouldn't you try anyway? It's not right to keep it from him. If you wait too long, something bad could happen." Akane grew concerned.

Ranko sulked, hearing that from Akane of all people. 'Stupid life…'

"So, will you meet him at the lot?" Akane asked, a frown on her face.

"Eventually. It's inevitable. Just not today. Give him a week and he'll show up," Ranko sighed.

"You've already fought him recently, haven't you?" Akane studied Ranko closely.

"Uhhhhhhh…" Ranko gulped. "Well, you see… Yes. But enough about that. Let's do fun things!"

"But this is serious!" Akane was worried. "What if something bad happens?"

"Worry later. Do fun things now." Ranko effectively stuck her head in the sand.

"Ranko…" Akane frowned. "You just can't run away from problems."

"Fun things are fun!" Ranko nodded, still ignoring Akane's concern.

Akane growled. "Ranko! Doing fun things won't deal with the issue!"

Ranko stared up at Akane with wide, pleading, puppy-dog eyes.

Akane sighed, unable to resist anymore. "Alright, alright. What do you what to do?"

Ranko smiled wide.

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Screams and loud noises echoed throughout the area. The hot sun mercilessly beat down on the inhabitants. Money was lost forever, gambled away by idiots. And amidst all this were two girls having fun. As was most everyone else. For it was an amusement park.

"Wheeeeeee!" Ranko giggled like the schoolgirl she was at the moment.

Akane smiled despite herself. 'She's such a kid…'

"What do you wanna do next!?" Ranko asked, swaying from side to side and obviously overflowing with energy.

Akane shrugged. "Whatever you want to do…"

"Bumper cars then!" Ranko shouted and grabbed Akane's hand.

"Hey, wait!" Akane shouted in vain as she was dragged to the bumper cars.

"MWAHAHA!" Ranko laughed evilly as they got into the cars. "Akane! You're my rival now for no raisin!"

'Yep, she's lost it.' Akane sweatdropped.

*BEEP*

The cars were powered on.

*BUMP*

Ranko giggled like crazy as she bumped Akane.

Akane facepalmed, smiling at the ridiculousness.

*BUMP*

Ranko jolted forward as she was bumped from behind, turning around quickly to see who it was.

There sitting in a bumper car was Kodachi.

"Oh ho ho ho! I got you, you Cute Witch!" Kodachi laughed.

Ranko smirked. "Oh yeah? Bring it on!"

Akane watched in amusement as the two girls rammed each other repeatedly until the time was up.

"So, what are you doing here?" Ranko asked her former classmate.

"What is it to you, Cute Witch?" Kodachi evaded the question. "The Black Rose should ask you the same…"

"Eh, I felt like it." Ranko shrugged. "Needed to get away from… stuff…"

"Oh, and not to my house, I take it?" Kodachi raised an eyebrow.

Ranko rolled her eyes. "Not everything revolves around you…"

"Preposterous!" Kodachi fumed. "I demand to know who would make such an outlandish claim!"

Akane snorted at that.

"Oh, you think this is a game, Tendo?" Kodachi snapped.

Ranko got between them. "Easy, easy. You're more stressed than usual… What's wrong?"

Kodachi huffed. "Nothing. Nothing is ever wrong with a Kuno. Although… It would be nice to tell the Black Rose when you are on a fun trip…"

'Yep, she's jealous.' Ranko sighed. "It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Besides, don't you have practice to go to?"

"…" Kodachi hid the sudden blush of embarrassment that was spreading across her face. "N-Nonsense! I… I have to leave now anyway!"

With that Kodachi left, laughing and jumping like mad.

"That was… odd," Akane noted, just staring at the shrinking form of Kodachi.

"Nah, it's just Kodachi. So, what's next?" Ranko asked, taking out a map.

"Don't you need to deal with Ryoga?" Akane reminded.

"Yeah, but that's later, so… Ferris wheel?" Ranko suggested.

Akane sighed and glanced at the sky. "It'll be sunset soon, so…"

"I told you it'll take him at least a week to get there. Ferris wheel?" Ranko pleaded.

Akane took one look at Ranko's pleading expression and gave in. "Oh, fine…"

Ranko smiled.

"But you're coming to my house afterwards, alright?" Akane added.

Ranko shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

It was Akane's turn to smile.

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'They said it would be this way…' Mousse turned his map upside down. 'Or was it this way? Think! You can do this!'

As he walked down the road, he neared a figure headed in the opposite direction.

'Still don't see that lot… Oh man, did I take a wrong turn?' Ryoga worried. 'I don't remember this place having so many dirt roads…'

The two teens passed each other, oblivious to their counterpart's thoughts or destination.

'I'll find you, Ranma Saotome!' they both thought at the same time.

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**Author's notes**: We're back baby! Fight! Zoom! Whoosh! And stuff is really getting messy now huh? Heheheheh. Tune in next time! Until then, I'm the Text!


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